Comments on: A Different Kind of Mother’s Day: Why Can’t I Get Along With My Mom?

By: Miss understood

Miss understood — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:36 +0000

Wow, I could really relate to all this! Even though I’m grateful for how much my mom has give up for me, and how hard she worked to pull the family out of poverty, I really hated her growing up! I felt ashamed because everyone is supposed to love their mothers, but I was the only one who loathed her with a passion. She had put me through traumatic emotional and physical abuses when I was younger, and even though she’s gotten a lot better I still couldn’t help it. I felt like she had betrayed me, taken something precious away from me, and I couldn’t bare that she never felt apologetic about the unnecessary loss of self I went through due to her. I wanted to commit suicide at the age of 7, and the thought stuck with me for a long time. Now that I’m 16, the problems still don’t stop. I used to believe every word she said against me, but the older I got the more I realized how much more open-minded and accepting I was compared to her. She’d always say hateful things about other people whether it regards to their race, their appearance, their “stupidity”, etc. The more I heard the more I couldn’t stand her!!! I could easily ask her a question about school, and she could end up to reply with a whole fricking monologue on her sad life and marriage, how everyone abandoned her and how much suffering she went through with her marriage!!! I was disgusted by her. It was her own choices that lead to her own demise, and she can’t get over it even after having told the story for 14 years straight!

I’m so jealous of those with the nice normal families. If I had grown up with a dad, sensible mom, I would not have spent hours crying into my pillow because of my mom’s aggressiveness. I never yelled nor gotten angry easily, but when my mother does I get do frustrated I just have to scream back, and it commences into this big fat ugly battle. I tell her I act this way because it’s the way of how she treats me, but she tells me that she only starts screaming because I was being unreasonable. What the fuck is reason in this stupid family?

By: Daughter darling

Daughter darling — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 23:37:53 +0000

I'm 26 this year. I have a great boyfriend and we have plans to get married. However, I don't have much savings since I've been giving 20% of my pay to my mother and also, I've been paying my college loan.
My mom is not grateful at all. She told me to give her MORE of my pay, just so she could go Korea… If I listen to her anymore, I must be nuts! I tried to explain to her that I can't give her more money- she simply brushed me off as being selfish. Everyone has to sacrifice to make this dowager happy. Then I realised that, she has been using the money I gave her to buy lottery!

By: Daughter Darling

Daughter Darling — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 23:37:33 +0000

My mother would always praise others but not me. She likes to point out my flaws in front of everyone. I'm constantly being compared to my cousin. I tried to be a better daughter, I studied very hard, I bought her things when I started to work… but nothing seems good enough for her. I'm tired trying to please her. She would often complain that my father isn't good enough, but honestly, my father is a great person. My mom would often criticise him, while she NEVER worked. She told my father to buy a new house, but he was unable to cope with the monthly installments. Guess what? She told my dad to go ahead with the purchase anyways since my brother & I are both working- WE, the children would pay for the house!!

By: Pm

Pm — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:24:43 +0000

I need help with my mother also. She, on a fairly regular schedule hurts my feelings by pointing out every flaw about me. Don’t get me wrong I love her with all my heart but I struggle with that because it’s very difficult to find ways to relate to her. Admittedly I am a sensitive person, what she says to her own daughter is completely unacceptable. She yells at me for not having good grades, not being good enough at sports for the money she pays (my fathers money btw. She doesnt have a job) she tells me I don’t have a good enough social life even though just recently we had to move 900 miles away from a home I lived in for my entire social life. She also tells me that I don’t do enough around the house even though I feed cats, clean my room, help take care of a horse, do the dishes, and try to finish my homework in the time I have after that. She complains she has to do everything but that’s only because when I don’t get to the stuff fast enough she does it herself and then complains about it. I do try to get along with her by talking to her and attempting to relate what she says but then when I do se complains I’m trying to “one-up” her by saying the opposite of her. All I’m trying to do is start a conversation and sometimes we don’t agree in opinion and all I’m trying to get out of Talking to her and getting a chance at a normal relationship with her. She also does not approve of my friends so most of the time the ones I make at school I won’t bring home for fear of hearing everything wrong about them. I don’t even have bad friends. If one of them comes off as snooty the whole family laughs at them around the dinner table. I feel horrible about that because now I have to not only make sure I get along with friends but my mom has to approve of their personality, their style of clothing, their hair color, their hair style and it’s become unbearable. My mother is a very judgmental woman and when I call her out on it she claims she’s giving “constructive criticism” and it’s completely obviously not. Thanks for listening it’s amazing to finally be able to say something:)

By: Teri

Teri — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 20:48:53 +0000

Wow I am surprised at how much I can relate to most of the comments in this discussion. I am 22 years old & have always had trouble getting along with my mom mom for as long as I can remember. Granted that now my relationship with her is a little before, yet there are still outbursts of anger between us because of disagreements. I feel that I have trouble maintaining strong, healthy relationships with others because of the dynamic between she & I have that subconsciously reflects this dynamic, like trouble with female authority figures that closely resemble my mother’s negative traits. Until recently I told myself to stop feeling guilty about the issues I’ve dealt with all my life & trying to release this negativity because I no longer want to carry it around, its not healthy to live in this state of mind. I know I’m young & still got my whole life ahead of me to figure things out. Thank you all for sharing, its reassuring to know I’m not the only one dealing with these similar challenges.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 21:04:26 +0000

We have tried everything, counceling, she has sent me away, everything. Yet nothing ever worked because in order to fix a relationship, both people need to be willing to fix it, and I remember as a child doing everything I could to try and make her happy, clean like crazy, kiss ass, but nothing ever worked. So one day I just faced reality and gave up. Giving up is not in my nature, but sometimes we have to let it go. I also think that there is something severly wrong with my mother as well, but I have never been able to figure it out. I have been examining her my entire life trying to figure out her thought process and nothing fits! But it has helped me figure out what I am doing with my life, becoming a neuropsycologist. So try not to force it, because we cant change thoes who refuse to change or are already set in their ways.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 21:04:07 +0000

I know what your saying, but you need to know that there are girls in much worse situations out there. My mother and I have not been able to get along ever since my little brother was born. I have always been forced to act as the adult, where my mother is the most irresponsible person I know. She shouldnt have had kids. I cant even remember the last time she huged me or told me "she loved me". I recently just turned 18, and we no longer even speak. Shes completley two faced towards me and my friends. She acts like a "perfect and caring mother" when in reality shes not, well she is towards my brother but not me. She does the best she can and I know that but sometimes thats not enough.

By: Lizzy

Lizzy — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 04:04:47 +0000

My mother and me barrelly get along. Shes always on my back and judging on how I do things. She dosnt appreciate what I do for her. When ever she would say something to me like for example “get of the computer and go to bed” I would say to her “until you send your boyfriend home and go to bed”. I would ALWAYS talk back to her. Everyone thinks she’s an awesome mom and they wish she was theirs. If I was a wish granter I garrantee you I’ll grant that wish cause with my mom I live in hell. I feel like running away but no where to because they know my mother and they could possibly tell her. I get suicidal thoughts because shes always treating me bad. She never wants me to get exercise and eat healthy. And honestly I’m not fat or overweight. My mother would keep me trapped indoors and when I get lucky she let’s me go out with my friends. I feel bad that my younger brothers have to put up with it every single day. My mother is a single mom and wishes she never had children and I know it. My life can’t be completed because I can’t get along with my mother. I have other stories. And I need advice. Please help I’m turning 13 in a few months and have bad communication with my mother and we never get along and my birthday wish is to get along with her. Some one please help!!!

By: bella

bella — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 00:51:35 +0000

Yep, it's NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that is my mother, as well. People with NPD will never admit they have a problem, you either put up with the grief or move on…black or white. I live with my elderly NPD mother and everyday is hell for me. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and die long before her, if I don't get any relief soon.

By: Kitty

Kitty — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 19:35:37 +0000

Oh, and Debbie, you are a true d-bag for not recognizing that these people are feeling real pain and no one, not you or I has the right to judge them on that. What makes you so perfect that you think that you know what happened in their live? You should learn to be more open and stop blaming your daughter for how you feel about yourself. If she is truly the way you say she is, then you are part of the problem as you raised her to be this way, kids don't turn out like this on their own. Is she magically supposed to transform into some sort of wonderful person who does everything for herself if you have never given her the skills to do so?