College Candy

Last time: pig vagina and nausea.

This episode: 12 people remain. Everyone makes it sound like the competition is really serious but they’ve been there for like 4 days so I don’t believe them. Tila leaves a bowl of questions out for everyone to answer. Shockingly, all of the questions are sex related. Until the MTV writers throw in a question about gay marriage and Chad is against it and “a child deserves a father.” Oof, shut up. You’re losing your sexy, Chad.

Challenge for the day: who can ride it better? Ugh, scary. Backyard Bi-nanza. Quit it already with these competition names. So they are riding mechanical bulls. The teams are mixed up because the girls keep beating the guys. Apparently Sirbrina rides mechanical bulls for a living because she works at a bar and I need to rethink my career choices.

[There’s a commercial for “Real World: Hollywood” – are they serious with this? Where’d they find the ignorant blonde? Please don’t let her vote in the upcoming election.]

The yellow team wins but I don’t know who’s on it. They are going on a date with Tila in a fake saloon that MTV built the day before and the losers have to make chili for Tila.

Bo keeps his bandana hat on to cook. Kyle and the blonde girl with the booty are there, too. Is this where Chad fights Bo?

Tila’s drinking on the date because she’d otherwise be miserable having to interact with the cast while sober. She asks George about sex and he acts shy about it – but you can tell that with just a tiny bit of encouragement George would do things that I cannot even begin to type here. Like alllllll sorts of things.

The date ends and Tila goes to eat the dinner that Bo and Co. prepared. I’m glad that Bo took off the cowboy gear. Too bad the chili was good and didn’t poison anyone. Bo gets Tila alone after dinner and the other losers sulk over their bowls.

Next day – beach party. This is gonna get nasty.

Chad and Jersey Jay have grown close. I guess if it doesn’t work out with Tila, they can have each other. And then there’s an orgy in the pool. Yawn – predictable. This is followed by another challenge; the guys have to pair up with a girl and the main objective is to get the wettest. I guess that the winners get a date. Kyle and Lisa (I’m so dumb for not realizing last week that her last name is Rizzo – I thought that it was a “Grease” reference.)

Lisa and Kyle have alone time with Tila and Rizzo calls him Creepy Kyle. Creep on me, Kyle. Why is it weird for Kyle to ask if Tila’s ever had sex on a swing after she asked George about sex? Ooooh, burn, Tila kissed Lisa goodbye and not Kyle. You’re probably going home, dude.

Can we have eliminations yet? Isn’t Chad supposed to punch Bo?

So two are going home.

It comes down to Kyle, George, Glitter and Lisa (what?).

How the f^ck is Glitter still in and NOT Lisa?

Oh – Lisa is still in.

George AND Kyle are going home. Kyle, I said it before, I’ll say it again: Stalk me. You say you’re not a stalker but whatever – try for me.

Tila musters up some fake tears for George and while he does seem like a very nice guy, he is NO innocent, I’m telling you. Poor guy. A few people actually go outside to cry and say goodbye to George. Awww, don’t worry everyone; you’ll see him at the reunion show in like five weeks.

And here is the fight that they’ve been showing us from episode one because Jay and Bo start up. Jay, you can’t break Bo’s face without a step ladder. Then Chad, the butt buddy, hits Bo and we find out next week that Chad’s either going to be charged with assault and/or off of the show.

Stay tuned!