You and Your Betty (Hint: Betty=Pubes)

On a recent trip to my neighborhood drug store to make my bi-monthly hair dye purchase, I noticed among the usual options of Garnier and L’Oreal and Clairol a brand I had never seen before: Betty Beauty. I paused in my perusing to take a closer look and realized that Betty Beauty hair dye is intended not for the hair on your head but, in fact, the hair on your cho-cha.

Huh. Pube dye. Who knew?

As I was in a rush, I didn’t have time to read the packaging of this amazing product, but I made a mental note of the company’s site address so as to better educate myself on the cosmetic industry’s newest attempt to cash in on our general feeling of inadequacy in our natural state. And what bettybeauty.com tells me is that creator Nancy Jarecki got the idea while visiting a salon in Rome where the colorist-in-residence would provide her customers with a little package of the dye she used on their hair to color their short and curlies with in the comfort of their own homes. So impressed was Ms. Jarecki with this idea that when she got back to the States she teamed up with salon owner, a gynecologist, a toxicologist, and a hair dye manufacturer to create the Betty pubic hair dye collection.

Betty pube dye is available in black, auburn, blonde, brown, hot pink, and, for the modern bride, pale blue. (You know, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…yikes.) The company also produces Betty Charmcils, which are stencils that you can use in conjunction with razors or wax to form your pale blue pubic hair in to sexy shapes like bowties and peace symbols.

Huh. Pube stencils. Who knew?

As far as I’m concerned, all of this information really begs the question, what the f*ck? First of all, who the hell cares enough about their pubic hair that they’re dyeing it? If you’re that dissatisfied with how it looks, wouldn’t you just go bare? Secondly, I don’t know about you guys, but I kind of like to draw as little attention to my pubes as possible. They’re there, and that’s fine; I keep them neat and trimmed up and they, in turn, hang out and keep me from looking like a five-year-old. It’s a good relationship. I really don’t need to drop trou and have whoever is around be like, “Wow, your bush is really well-matched to your head hair!”

If I was going gray, maybe I would feel differently. Maybe in an attempt to cling to my fading youth I would color it up and continue to tell anyone fortunate enough to be there when I have my drawers off that I’m still in my 30s. But even considering that scenario, that in no way justifies the hot pink and blue options and the Charmcils. (I mean, they’re called Charmcils, for f*ck sake.)

Perhaps I’m just a pube traditionalist, and have more important things to concern myself with than carpet color. I’d be interested to hear the opinions of others about this, what I perceive to be, superfluous product.

Now excuse me while I put on my foundation, concealer, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, lip-gloss, perfume, nail polish, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, and bleach my teeth. Ahem.