Nude Vacays…Um, No Thank You.

At the first mention of nude vacations, my boyfriend excitedly asked when we were taking one. My immediate reaction was not so enthusiastic. I was plagued by thoughts of flabby Midwesterners eager to experience adventures now that their kids have moved out.

By Kari

I researched Mexico’s Hidden beach Resort, an “Au Natural Club” to get a better idea of the growing trend that is nude vacationing. Upon investigation, I found that, yes, the prime age of nude vacationers is 40 +, but the seedy desert motel I saw on that one episode of The Simple Life is a far cry from nude vacation experiences available today.

Upscale resorts, cruise lines and time shares are jumping in on the trend. Services like champagne greetings and rose petal turn down service allow guests to feel immediately pampered. However, I’m still a little weary on the whole naked part.

I understand that it would definitely make a significant difference in my experience, but what exactly are the results of a vacay sans clothing? My main concern would definitely be the issue of sanitation. All I can picture are pristine white chaise lounges on a beach somewhere…with a naked old man letting his grandpa junk hang out all over them. Much to my surprise (and relief), Trip Advisor gave Hidden Beach its highest rating for cleanliness. But what about dining? All of Hidden Beach’s food services are nude. The last thing I want to look at while I’m eating is random naked people (especially due to the fact that I really enjoy having sausage with my breakfast).

Hidden Beach Resort also boasts about its “disco for decadently enjoyable dancing in the nude.” Um, there are several thousand things that I can imagine going wrong in that scenario. Given the way that our generation chooses to get our groove on (mildly pornographic grinding), one of those mishaps could quite possibly be an unplanned pregnancy–what a souvenir!

Another qualm I have about letting it all hang out (no pun intended) is a personal phobia of public nudity. Maybe it’s just me, but the idea of strolling into a crowded lobby stresses me out just a little bit, which is highly counterproductive considering I go on vacation to escape stress.

However, all the reviews of Hidden Beach by guests excitedly described the sense of freedom achieved by removing clothes from the equation. Citing nudity as the absolute freedom from inhibition makes sense, and to some degree it removes pretenses and pressures. Without status symbols that clothes lend to people, everyone is on an even playing field. Without clothes, vacationers are label-less…but I for one would rather be judged for my designer sunglasses (or lack thereof) than my cellulite.

For now, I think I’ll stick to fully clothed vacations–tiny bikinis are panic inducing enough for me, and I’m confident that I can achieve a sense of freedom with a cute, flowy sundress. After all, half the fun of a vacation is shopping for things to wear while away.