Ashlee and Pete Love To Make Announcements

Spring has been an announcement kind of season for the Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz camp, starting with the April announcement of their engagement, which was promptly followed by an announcement denying that they were expecting a baby; then an announcement confirming that they were, in fact, expecting a baby; then an announcement denying of the confirmation that they were; then an announcement denying the denial of the confirmation that they were; then an announcement confirming that while Ashlee might not (or might?) be with child, she is, in fact, with, um, album. Ahem.

By Ccandylyndsey

Then that announcement was overshadowed by the announcement on May 7th that the two were planning to get married in a week’s time, which then lead to an announcement that the two did get married, segueing to an announcement that they were honeymooning in a basement (which was later revealed to be a lie, but they didn’t make an official announcement about it so it doesn’t register on my finely-tuned radar).

Now this week the eyelinered newlyweds have made not one but TWO announcements, the first being that Ashlee is no longer Ashlee Simpson, Joe Simpson’s Retirement Plan Part Deuce, but Ashlee Wentz, (get ready for the second announcement) Pete Wentz’s Knocked Up Wife. That’s right, folks, she’s pregnant not just with an album but also a baby. Awwww. I wonder if they’re identical or fraternal?

At any rate, what really matters here is how I feel about all this. And the truth is, in this Peashlee Wempson announcement circus, I have somehow developed a little bit of a soft spot for the couple. Two months ago had you asked me how I felt about them, I probably would have launched an expletive-filled (and, let’s face it, drunken) tirade about how Ashlee is a no-talent dipshit who’s lucky to have discovered plastic surgery and Pete is an asshat pseudo-hipster of the highest order, but now…I think they’re kind of cute.

Sure, the aforementioned statements are still not incorrect, but what the heck. Being lame isn’t a crime, and they a) look good together, and b) seem crazy happy. So I’m releasing an official announcement condoning their existence as human beings and as a married couple. All the best, kids, and congratulations on winning me over. Oh, and on all that other crap.