Apologies to your imagination

Clay Aiken is having a baby. With a women. Which is weird. Someone call Maury or direct these two to a Duane Reade.

Douchiest douche in the world

Nick Hogan, I hate you. Are you basically blaming your friend for his current vegetable status? Because he’s a negative person? That’s why he’ll never be able to feed himself again? Oh, and make sure Daddy sets you up a with a “real-ality” show the second that you’re out. DOUCHE.

Fashion

The Good

I’m loving SJP’s dress at the New York premiere of the “Sex and the City” movie .

The Bad

Is Kim Cattrall’s the worst look of the week? The dress has pockets, does something weird at the breasts, I hate the length and the shoes – ugh.

Hottie of the Week

John Mayer’s Penis. This is week old news you say? Nay, I say. A big penis never gets old. Read More »

About a year ago, my homegirl Renata and I were sitting on the floor of my bedroom, looking at issues of Jane Magazine (Oh Jane! R.I.P.), when she said, “Look at how fabulous this bitch looks,” and pointed to a thin girl with frizzy hair wearing a purple dress, gray sweater, and giant glasses. I looked, and responded, “Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about the same girl,” and showed her my issue, in which the girl had her hair slicked back and was wearing a black sheath. Renata examined the two pictures for a minute, and then said, “I’m pretty sure all you have to do to look fashionable is be really skinny.”

Since that day I’ve noticed that, more often than not, Renata is right – it’s easier to look chic if you’re slender. There are examples of this all over Hollywood. Consider Exhibit A, Hilary Duff. Back in the day, H. Duffs was a cute kid who certainly wasn’t fat, but definitely didn’t have that sleek boney look that we associate with Hollywood starlets. She was filled-out, normal-looking. Then one day she dropped about fifteen pounds, and all of a sudden she looked…glamorous. Elegant. Less like a kid and more like a chic fashionista woman. And while gossip magazines and news reports condemned her for looking sickly and setting a bad example for girls, she was still appearing on the cover of high-fashion magazines and being featured in designer ads like never before.

Because skinny = style.

We can attribute this national mentality to the media: for years, models and stars have gotten thinner and thinner until they’ve reached the point where many of them are barely more than skeletons wearing skin-suits. The image of ultimate high fashion that we’re presented with is that of the mutant waif, forty pounds thinner than an average person of the same height, gliding around A-list events like an apparition wearing Proenza Schouler. But why? What made the Fashion Powers That Be decide that scrawny is synonymous with chic? Read More »

Bill Murray’s wife has filed for divorce after some 11-years of marriage. Thusly, he is the latest in a long list of comedians who don’t seem to be so funny in real life, to the point that their long suffering wives leave them.

Murray’s wife, Jennifer Butler Murray, attributes the demise of their marriage to Bill’s “adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment”. Quite a laundry list of accusations that, yes, I have to take with a grain of salt because they are just that: accusations.

What I’ve heard about Murray’s real life persona and interactions with people on the sets of his movies make me inclined to believe Jennifer Murray, who has also sought out a restraining order on her soon-to-be former husband. According to an article from the UK Telegraph, (with strangely appropriate Bear PSA in the middle of the piece):

The [divorce] papers claim: “Defendant [Murray] has physically abused the Plaintiff on more than one occasion during the marriage. The latest altercation occurred in November 2007… when the Defendant hit her in the face and then told her she was ‘lucky he didn’t kill her’. Read More »

So, I wouldn’t necessarily advocate this, but if you want to eat a cookie for breakfast, this is totally the cookie to go for. It has a serving of healthy (flour), a serving of delicious (chocolate), and a serving of WAKE UP (instant coffee). Really, to be honest, there’s nothing better.

Here’s what you need: ¼ c brown sugar, 3 tablespoons of soft unsalted butter, 1 egg yolk, ¼ teaspoon of vanilla, just under ½ c flour, 2 teaspoons of instant espresso powder (woo-hoo!), ¼ teaspoon of baking soda, 1/8 teaspoon of baking powder, a sprinkle of salt, 1 tablespoon of milk, and 2-3 tablespoons of chopped chocolate. Chopped chocolate—not chocolate chips, so don’t even think about trying to substitute. The real deal makes all the difference.

This makes six nice-sized cookies, by the way.

First, warm your oven to 350. Then use an electric mixer (or do it by hand if you must, but a mixer is better for this recipe) to combine the sugar and butter until it’s creamy. Read More »

Forbes presents the 20 Hottest Young Royals

Hey, neat: John Mayer and Pete Wentz are BFF

Who doesn’t like a good Shakespeare joke?

“Internet Love Song.” …By an emo kid with a ukelele.

Someone put too much sex in “Sex and the City”

Most awkward Father’s Day gift. Ever.

Exciting news for Fratellis fans

Mind of Man: the world’s scariest place

As I wandered near the site of New York City’s Sex and the City premiere yesterday, dodging small bands of women united by a common interest in over-accessorizing for daytime (and being in my way), I found myself compiling a list of people and things that owe much of their current popularity to said show:

Manolo Blahnik

The concept of brunch

Cosmopolitans

Clubs Bungalow 8 and Bed

Cupcakes

The Rabbit

The word fabulous

Retardedly over-thought outfits

Next on my list was “bitching about men”, and I stopped myself short. SATC, I’ll give you credit for the context (brunch, obvs) but you don’t get credit for this one. I should know, I’m a woman, and I’ve been gabbing about men since long before Sex was a twinkle in HBO’s eye.

I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon more recently, as romantic relationships take a more prominent and permanent place in the lives of my friends. Casual dating, serious dating, sleeping around, moving in together, some crazy folks getting married, yadda yadda yadda. Whatever the situation, women have a need (which sometimes borders on the obsessive and pathological) to compare notes and share war stories. Read More »

Sure, I’ve asked myself, “Are you into GIRLS”?

I think a lot of girls ask themselves this at some point in time or another. After all, guys and girls communicate completely differently and it can leave a girl feeling emotionally helpless. And plus, we all know women are the ones with beautiful physiques. So I have asked myself this question and yet every time, “NOPE” seems to be the answer. If that’s true, then why do I LOVE it when girls hit on me?

A girl winks at me at a bar and then tells me I’m beautiful.

A hot girl I know asks me if I want to join her in sex with her boyfriend.

A lesbian tells me she wishes I were a lesbian.

Why, oh why, am I so thoroughly delighted by all of this supposedly unwarranted attention? I think I know why…

I think it’s because girls are notoriously VICIOUS with one another. Girls judge other girls like we’re all competing on America’s Next Top Model and the prize is endless chocolate and all-expenses-paid shopping. Even if I don’t wanna make out with the girl at hand, it feels nice to know she wants to make out with me.

Am I crazy?

Or have you ever felt this way?

Spring has been an announcement kind of season for the Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz camp, starting with the April announcement of their engagement, which was promptly followed by an announcement denying that they were expecting a baby; then an announcement confirming that they were, in fact, expecting a baby; then an announcement denying of the confirmation that they were; then an announcement denying the denial of the confirmation that they were; then an announcement confirming that while Ashlee might not (or might?) be with child, she is, in fact, with, um, album. Ahem.

Then that announcement was overshadowed by the announcement on May 7th that the two were planning to get married in a week’s time, which then lead to an announcement that the two did get married, segueing to an announcement that they were honeymooning in a basement (which was later revealed to be a lie, but they didn’t make an official announcement about it so it doesn’t register on my finely-tuned radar).

Now this week the eyelinered newlyweds have made not one but TWO announcements, the first being that Ashlee is no longer Ashlee Simpson, Joe Simpson’s Retirement Plan Part Deuce, but Ashlee Wentz, (get ready for the second announcement) Pete Wentz’s Knocked Up Wife. That’s right, folks, she’s pregnant not just with an album but also a baby. Awwww. I wonder if they’re identical or fraternal? Read More »

I have been eagerly anticipating the premier of the Lohan reality show since Perez announced it a few months ago. Monday’s premier more than exceeded my expectations. I’m sorry about the delay, but I wanted to be absolutely sure that I had absorbed all that I could from this trainwreck collision of Kardashiantics, Real World-esque shouting matches and Girls Next Door intelligence. The show, in a word, is brilliant. In two words, it is brilliantly horrible. Enjoy.

The show begins with a montage of sexy photos all over the house, Dina explains how nothing is more important to her than family (except for press/publicity) as she breaks up a typical sibling playfight between Aliana (Ali) 14, and Dakota (Cody) 11, showcasing how normal they are.

In the kitchen, Dina and her assistant Alexis lament the difficulties of being placed on hold to get out of Jury duty (obviously Dina has other incredibly important things to do). They immediately dive into a harrowing tabloid scanning sesh. Dina explains how sad it is that every morning the poor thing has to go through every single tabloid to see if she’s in it (oh yeah…or any of her kids/clients). Cody, who I am completely in love with, interrupts as the voice of reason, wondering why his Mommadukes has to read the tabloids. She can’t explain. I can’t either, Cody. Read More »

30-year-old, Dallas resident Brian Davidson made his debut on last night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Though he was on camera for less than three minutes, he managed to offend, sully and for all intense and purposes ruin the following things for the viewing public:

- Dancing

- The state of Texas

- America in general

- Long-underwear inspired shirts

- Muhammad Ali

- People who sound freakishly similar to Thomas Haden Church

- and periods…because they didn’t have a bad enough rap already.

Watch Brian shake his moneymaker/ruin the art of dance forever in the clip below: