Bachelors: Just Afraid To Make Mistakes

Once upon a time, I was in a long-term relationship (read: I suffered six years of awkward sex, needless fights and raging jealousy). Granted, I was in high school for the first four years and was a measly freshman/sophomore in college for the last two. However, I still thought I had found the one: the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, or the avocado to my guacamole, if you will. (Can you tell I’m hungry as I write this?)

But when the relationship ended, I was a mere 19 – and after all the b.s., I was left with little to nothing to show for the years of my youth I wasted lusting after one male who couldn’t satisfy me sexually or emotionally. And although he profusely expressed his undying love for me – not once did the boy suggest that we had a possible future together. Not once. In six effing years.

It’s no surprise that my little snuggle bunny didn’t talk about marriages or baby carriages. Hell, he was only 21 when we broke up! But it’s not just the youngin’s involved in long-term romances who avoid the dreaded “M” word. The avoidance of marriage spans generations of men, all who are scared sh*tless by the thought of spending the rest of their lives legally bound to the wrong woman.

According to a recent study conducted by lifelong bachelor Carl Weisman as research for his new book titled, “So Why Have You Never Been Married? – Ten Insights into Why He Hasn’t Wed,” men aren’t actually afraid of marriage, per se. The real fear? Marrying the wrong woman.

Weisman surveyed 1,533 heterosexual males and found that men are ten times more scared of marrying the wrong person than they are of simply getting hitched. The online survey showed three different groups of unwed males: 8 percent say they will never marry, 62 say they want to marry but “won’t settle for anything less than perfection” and the final group includes the last 30 percent who don’t quite know what they want.

I hate to do this, but I’m going to anyway. After watching you-know-who do you-know-what on the big day, I know marriage isn’t exactly every man’s bag, so the results of this study aren’t particularly shocking.

But what I don’t get is this: Don’t guys realize that woman are afraid of the exact same thing? How many times do you hear of some poor woman who pours her heart and soul into a relationship, only to find her husband cheating on her with some hot, young secretary (or chubby intern) and then spends the rest of her life as the bitter, spinster cat lady? The fear that we might make the wrong decision at the altar is not based on gender, it’s based on the fact that we are human and are therefor prone to make some occasional blunders.

So basically, I realize that marriage is not for everyone. I think it’s a very personal choice. But, don’t blame your bachelorhood on the fact that you’re a dude afraid of marrying the wrong chick, ‘cause we all know that sleaziness is not gender-specific. Be careful about who you choose to marry, yes, but don’t dismiss the idea all together just because there are a few bad apples out there. Or avocados. Whatever.