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The Problem (?!) of Singleness
June 4, 2008 Posted in Reality
Someone very close to me is 22 years old and has never had a girlfriend. He is not gay (yes, I’m sure), and moreover, he doesn’t want a girlfriend. In my mind, I picture him as always being just by himself—that same picture with the inclusion of a romantic partner just seems weird to me.
Is there something wrong with that?
That’s the question, isn’t it? In a world where it’s normal to partner up, get married, and have children, it often seems to me that those who fall outside the norm are harassed for it. What exactly is so wrong about wanting to be single for always? In my mind, that’s a matter of preference and a personal choice for which no one should be discriminated against.
If a person is single and wants to be in a relationship or have children, that’s one thing. But if they don’t—lay off!
Sometimes it’s parents who are the culprits. If their child doesn’t seem to want the suburban dream of a spouse and a decimal-pointed number of children, that child is looked at as an anomaly. “When are you going to get married?” the parents will drone—or, even worse, “When am I going to get some grandchildren?”
To those parents, I say, Go volunteer at a preschool, and leave your kid alone.
Just as it’s any married person’s choice who to marry and why to marry, it’s any other person’s choice and right not to do the same. Just because someone is past the glow of youth, is not married, and does not have children does not mean that person is a pedophile, a criminal, socially awkward, or desperately unhappy.
Singleness is not a problem to fix. Period.
[photo from www.nubar.com]
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Chih says:
Wed, 4th Jun 20087:40 am
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be single for the rest of your life. However, I do think that being single is not a choice, but rather something that requires a prerequisite. Personally speaking, it's almost the opposite for the majority of my adult life. I've always had long term relationships. Some of those were healthy and others not so much. This past year is the first time I've been single since high school. I'm learning and enjoying being by myself. It's not to say that I don't desire to be with someone. The biggest difference now is that I want to be with someone that I am compatible with and not just someone because I miss having a warm body next to me at night. In my opinion, relationships are about self sacrifice. When you are in a relationship, you can't think about yourself anymore. It's no longer about what you want to have for dinner or what you want to do. You often have to take the other person into consideration. I think the majority of us have a hard time with that therefore they remain single. When you do find that special someone, you want to sacrifice everything for them because you just love them that much. That's when you know you are ready to be in a relationship.
Claire says:
Wed, 4th Jun 20087:50 am
I think western culture makes marriage seem like a right-of-passage into adulthood. The thirty-something bachelors are never really seen as "responsible" as married men of the same age. As for women, it's what we're "supposed" to want…and if we don't have it, it means there must be something wrong with us.
Total crap.
It's also sometimes hard for single women (of any age) to secure loans and such without a husband or father on the paperwork. Ugh.
A.L. Hart - Universi says:
Wed, 4th Jun 20088:56 am
I can emphatise with your friend because I'm like one myself. I think I will always be the single girl, although I currently have the chance to be in a relationship but I feel reluctant because I don't trust myself to be truly be good girlfriend. I mean I am only 20 so I feel i want to just play the field but i think i will be single all my life. I like my independence too much. I make plans just for me and I find it difficult to let anyone in. It may change eventually but at the moment it's how I feel.