Stuff that Drives Me Crazy (in a totally awesome way) Right Now, Concept Version:

Concept: Knife pleats/Issey Miyake

Once upon a time in late 2006, I really needed a job. I hopped on Craigslist, blindly sent out a couple of resumes, sat back and watched the replies roll in. One such interview opportunity came from Soho’s own Pleats Please by Issey Miyake store. Why would anyone want to wear that many pleats?, I asked myself, unable to shake the image of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless from my head. So I never responded. And now I am regretting it. Not only have I discovered how the high-fashion futuristic feel of tiny knife pleats is about as far as one can get from looking like a “Baby One More Time” video reject; I have also learned that the construction of tightly-pleated fabric allows it to stand up and out in a way that wouldn’t otherwise happen with the same material components! Plus, the brand name is polite! Check out how Miyake’s pieces are made!

I know not everything I write about will be wearable or, mostly, affordable, for most college students, or most people. But, if you’re willing to try, there are probably plenty of look-alikes available at your local thrift shop. I just picked up a metallic blue crumpled/pleated dress at The Vintage Thrift Shop in Flatiron and a to-die-for black pleated scarf from Reminiscence in Chelsea. The aforementioned aren’t even wildly-priced designer vintage spots, but mid-to-low-priced stores, devoid of pretentious waif-like salesgirls to boot. SVA students, I hope you’re listening!

Concept: Weird/romantic fetish wear, a la Secretary

Remember when I implied that George Clooney was hot? Well, my hot old guy allegiance really lies with a man god by the name of James Spader. In 1996’s Crash, Spader played a man strangely turned on by car wrecks. On some serious TV show that I’ve only watched once because I saw his face while channel surfing, he played a very, very naughty lawyer — I think. And in 2002, he starred as Maggie Gyllenhaal’s sadomasochistic boss in critics’ darling Secretary.

A lot of people I know think Maggie Gyllenhaal kind of resembles a Pekingese. I think she is hot, sexy, serious about her craft and one pinchably-adorable mom. In any case, the outfits she wore in Secretary started out as drab (or, like, Chloe Sevigny’s character in Big Love) and, with just a shot of vulgarity, became the most interesting getups I’ve ever seen. Again, obviously, wearing (matte! Please keep it matte and out of the realm of PVC!) latex or a gag bit might be a bit of a distraction from your 11 AM calc lecture, but there are ways to spice up your standard going-out outfit.

What about a pair of seamed stockings (seen on the Secretary movie poster) with an otherwise demure, floaty floral frock, or some extra sharp stilettos with your skinny jeans and cardigan? The trick is to keep most of your look almost granny-sweet, and then to throw ‘em off with one telltale bad girl piece.

Just don’t file any lawsuits if you twist your ankle in those 5-inch pumps.