Paris Hilton Preggers? Save Us

Paris Hilton was caught out on the town last night with the new love-of-her-life, Benji Madden, in a somewhat loose fitting turquoise dress. Rumors have already swarmed the various media outlets that she is with child and let me be the first to say: dear Lord, help us all.

By Kelly

Let’s first discuss the implications of what it means to have a mini-Paris walking around. Ew, for one. But also, is this chick seriously trying to clone herself to be Nicole Ritchie? First, she hops on the Madden boy train, then onto their tour bus with them, then onto various TV shows where she claims he is the person she is going to marry, (because they’ve been together oh so long and all) and now she could potentially be knocked up?

I can just picture it now: little Paris Jr. walking around Beverly hills with a miniature Chihuahua, blonde hair swept to the side like mommy’s, fighting off photogs with her signature pose, that will be dubbed, “the mini-Pari”.

If that happens, I am moving to Mars.

Now, the alternative. Why is Hollywood so convinced that everyone in clothes that actually fit them properly – versus the tight, barely able to breathe ensembles – is packing a little munchkin in their tummy? Albeit Ashlee Simpson was with Wentz child after all (duh!), but not everyone is trying to hide something under their bohemian, flowing outfits. Maybe Paris is just trying out a new style, the same way she did with the butchered blonde bob she’s been trying to grow back since the disaster that was the haircut happened.

I’m going to hope for the latter on this one, for the sake of my sanity and the future of mankind. I can just see it now, Paris pops out a little Madden and looks deeply into her childs eyes and says, “You’re SO hot! Let me tell me about that time I was in the slammer!”

[photo courtesy of E! Online]