Ahoy Sailors! The Fleet Comes To The West Coast!

I know The Fleet has come and gone from the East coast, but now it has made it’s way to The City of Roses (Portland, OR- my city of residence) and when my friend informed me she had won tickets to this “non-denim” (yes, the tickets specified no denim) formal affair event, we had to go – it was our patriotic duty after all.

By Candy

I should take a second here to clarify a few things before I really get into this story. I would like to start out by saying I fully support the troops, after all my brother is in the Navy, and when I told him I was heading out to the annual Meet the Fleet festivities his only response was a very brotherly “Don’t hook up with sailors.” Granted, I really had no intention of hooking up with these guys, I was more seeking some attractive company who would buy me drinks and could possibly turn into a pen-pal who sends me presents.

In order to maximize my odds with nabbing me a high ranking sailor I had my brother write me out a little guide on how to separate the men from the boys. With my criteria in place I was ready to meet and greet the ocean’s finest.

My friend and I got ready for our big night, zipped up our little black dresses and grabbed a cab downtown and all the while entertained ourselves discussing the endless amounts of drinks that would be thrown our way, the small parade of sailors who would accompany us out on the town, and how we would let them down kindly when they asked us to get married. Isn’t that what meet the fleet is all about?

As it turns out, it is in fact not what Meet The Fleet is all about. Our expectations were a quite a bit off, we came to find, upon walking in to the ball. It looked like the end of a high school dance, with no decorations, a height limit of 5’3”, an average age of 19, and some of Portland’s most pathetic creatures disguised as women. It was a nightmare, complete with a hotdog stand (that’s right, no liquor, but a hotdog stand… I was speechless). Given the competition though, things were looking good for my friend and I and we held on to a thread of hope of finding some dreamy sailors to squire around town.

We casually stood around sans drinks waiting for the offers to pour in. After about 10 minutes of nothing but the realization we had definitely not pre-partied enough, we gave in and looked frantically for the booze table and bought ourselves a glass (plastic Solo cup) of white wine. We gulped down the most retched Pino Grigio of my life, and gave ourselves the once over to make sure our dresses weren’t tucked into our underwear (or someone hadn’t put signs on our backs saying we had STDs, or something). We were all clear, but something wasn’t right. No one was talking to us.

It was then that we made an executive decision, if guys weren’t going to buy us any drinks (maybe they weren’t even old enough to buy drinks, we tried to rationalize to ourselves), we would be damned if we left without a sailor hat. (Side note: I asked my brother if they could give these hats away, and he said yes, they only cost like $15).

So we scouted the room for the most eager looking 19 year olds and went in for the kill. After 10 minutes of scintillating conversation we asked if we could have their hats, they said yes, we gave them a little awkward hug and a “be safe!” and then made our exit. The guys didn’t even put up a fight.

Yes, I am aware that Meet The Fleet is probably intended to be a night for “nice girls” to show these “gentlemen” around town, show them a good time, etc. But it was also my understanding (based mostly on that episode of Sex and the City) that there would be free drinks and lavishing attention. I think we can safely call the night a draw. Thanks for the hat.

[Photo Courtesy of Allposters.com]