I Like Sex. Does That Make Me a Slut?

June 18, 2008 - 3:30 pm By Noa - CU Boulder

Some may disagree (and some may do so strongly), but sex is a large part of many college ladies’ lives. I don’t know if it can be attributed to Sex and the City, or simply a general relaxation on expectations of women, but sexual curiosity and exploration are just more widely accepted these days. Sex with no strings attached has become every woman’s right.

So, when I go out and meet a strapping young lad…and find myself sleeping soundly next to him the following morning, I never question it, or myself. And my friends don’t question it either. I am having fun. I am enjoying my freedom. I am making some fantastic memories.

I am a mature, responsible young lady; I may break the rules my mother lived by, but at least I am doing it carefully.

Sharing my sexual exploitations with my friends is so natural – as are their reactions of excitement, glee and interest in the details. We are in our 20’s, having a good time; this is not who we are, it is simply something fun that we may do. I am not saying that we collect sexual partners like I collect shoes; we are just having a grand ole’ time.

A few weeks ago I visited my doctor for my yearly pelvic exam. (Ew.) Before the doctor got down to…business…she performed the mandatory gyno interrogation.

“Are you sexually active?” She asked.

I quickly thought back to the previous Saturday night. The 6’4 basketball player. The cab-ride to his place. The cab-ride home the next day.

“Sporadically?” I laughed.

My friends would have found that answer hilarious. The doctor did not.

Though she tried to hide her personal feelings, the look on her face was one full of shock and concern. The silence was deafening. I quickly retreated.

“No. No, right now I am not sexually active.” Which was partially true. At that moment I was definitely not having sex.

My doc quickly began lecturing me on the HPV vaccine and birth control. Then she asked me if I wanted a pregnancy test. For the love of God – is casual sex really that serious? It dawned on me then that perhaps not everyone feels the way about sex and the sowing of wild oats as I do. I get so used to hanging out with people just like me that I seemed to have forgotten what my lifestyle looks like from the outside.

I don’t care, necessarily; it’s my life and I am enjoying it to the fullest. But it did make me stop and think for a moment. About the possibility of being pregnant, mostly (oy), but also abut the way I present myself to others. I know I am not a slut, but is it possible to enjoy myself without others labeling me that way?

57 Comments		Posted in Reality, Sex
		Tags: am I a slut, birth control, gynocologist, hpv, no strings attached, pregnant, Sex, sex and the city, sexual curiosity, slut, women

57 Comments on "I Like Sex. Does That Make Me a Slut?"

christie says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20084:05 pm

We’re all adults and we can do whatever we want to do. I, personally, haven’t had sex yet and I don’t want a casual relationship either. I have always found something icky about casual sex. It’s so impersonal and it devalues sex in a way that shouldn’t be devalued. It makes it into a game when it isn’t one. In what other game can someone acquire AIDS, HPV, Herpes and other std’s?

I really don’t care about how many people someone has slept with. I just don’t want to hear about it. When you tell people about your sexual exploits you open yourself to the line of fire. And you will probably be called a slut. You should probably limit your conversations to people who are like you and keep in mind that not everyone treats sex so frivolously or superficially. That doesn’t mean that they are not modern women either. You don’t need to be sexually promiscuous to be a modern woman and I hope no one thinks that’s how a modern woman should be (that would be sad).

So, I tell you: keep on fucking away to your hearts desire and don’t judge women who don’t want to.

Conan - Columbia College says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20084:46 pm

It doesn’t make you a slut, thats just a retarded double standard patriarchy thing anyways.

Ladies ‘re-appropriated’ the phrase and use it on each other from time to time, but the fact remains that ’slut’ is negative and ’stud’ is positive and that makes the whole concept suspect.

Obviously there are risks to having sex, and mathematics suggests the more you have it, the more you are at risk.

Hopefully everyone your boning is baggin’ it.

Sex and the City is, for the record, evil for its focus on women as brainless consumers, not because it suggests women enjoy sexual intercourse.

SHOES SHOES SHOES SHOES.

Rick says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20085:01 pm

Slut.

Jade says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20085:24 pm

It sounds like you’re living your life to the fullest and the way you want to. and that is the greatest thing anyone, man or woman, can do.

F*ck what everyone else thinks.

Andrea says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20086:09 pm

Pregnancy is not the issue. Why because you will deal with it if it was to happen ( and you know that.) STDs is something that obviously you don’t even think is real. College student right? Well put all those wonderful years of learning into good use. Sex won’t just affect you physically it affects you morally. “i’m just having fun, i’m just living my life” so many girls say the same thing and after college they think every differently. Forget the double standard bull shit. Men can be sluts too. Women just seem to think it’s okay to date a guy that has slept around, making it okay for other men to have sex. I am twenty as well and i had a few “sins” of my own but i stopped when I started to question my happyness. Here’s a a rule to live by “if your conscience makes you think about doing it ( and you even take time to post up ur concern ) then it is most likely a bad thing to do.

Here’s what helped me deal with it. When I meet that one person i will spend my life with I don’t want him having a list of all the sex partners he had, or telling me that he has a kid with a woman he doesn’t even care about, and even worse telling me that he has an STD. Now listen to this very carefully plase: If i don’t expect that from the man I love what makes me think he would want me if i did the same?

The man i am dating now knows my past and accepts it because i changed my ways. I no longer think like if i am going to die tmrw.

Conan - Columbia College says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20086:19 pm

The phrase ‘quest for happiness’ is frightening.

Mollie says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20086:44 pm

Hi Noa,

I posted a very similar article to this a few months ago. It was about does having a random hookup make a girl a slut. From what you’re writing, I had a very similar experience as yours when I was in college and I find nothing wrong with you actions or attitudes. When I read the part about your recent gyno visit I kinda cringed. Yes saying “sporadically” is funny, it is certainly a closer description of what’s going on…but really, you should have told the doctor you are sexually active. Hell, you did have sex with that Basketball player the weekend before, right? Besides, even if you hadn’t had sex in six months you are still considered sexually active…ok, maybe it’s been a while, but once the drought passes you have every intention of doing the mattress mambo. The other thing is while your gyno did flip out, you should get the HPV vaccine (my friend who is a 25-year-old virgin even got it) and you really should be on birth control…

Joshua Wise says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20087:17 pm

I wish it were true. No strings attached that is. Most Americans use sex as a weapon. It blows my mind. Men and women. I don’t know where you grew up, but I’ve never seen a “male dominated” society. Or been around people that applauded male promiscuity but not female. I just see a whole lot of hypocracy and ill will. We need more loving here. Sex makes people friendlier.

Elizabeth says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20087:29 pm

Enjoying yourself while being safe is all that matters. Period. Kudos to you.

Bri says:
Wed, 18th Jun 20088:52 pm

I dont think casual sex is *wrong*, but I think it takes all the best things out of sex. When you are with someone in a relationship or at least know pretty well and like, it just.. feels so much better. Plus, if you dont get to know someone, then you might have just fucked a complete asshole and you’ve shared your most private self with him, and that’s a shitty feeling that most times ends up a regret(I know this from experience)… Also, Casual sex is about pleasure for yourself, which can be totally selfish if things dont go as planned (You know I’m talking about the guys.)

But no, if you see it differently then go ahead and fuck! But remember, too much of a good thing can be bad. :]

christie says:
Wed, 18th Jun 200810:05 pm

A question:

Why would you talk to your friends about something as intimate as sex? What’s the point of sharing something that is supposed to be private and personal?

I would never be so eager to hear about my friends’ sex life. I would be happy for them but that is enough and I wouldn’t want to hear any more. Thank god i haven’t been inflicted with any of these sex stories by my friends.

christie says:
Wed, 18th Jun 200810:22 pm

Reading your article was kind of depressing. It has made me realize what sex has become in our society. It has become nothing more than a tool to play with and has lost its original value of something pure and beautiful to experience with someone you love. It is kind of sad that no one sees sex like that anymore. I wonder if I am the only one that wants to experience this kind of sex instead of casual sex? I hope I’m not alone. I’m too good for casual sex and I want to be in a long term relationship before I do initiate sexual intimacy.

Also, the average sex partners of both male and females is around 11 for a lifetime. So, most of the people in this country aren’t really going in a sex frenzy even if it might seem that way. That’s something to think about.

Michele says:
Wed, 18th Jun 200811:02 pm

When I went a couple months ago for a yearly checkup, I requested to get tests done for stds and the like. I had been sexually active (sporadically) with a few different guys since a breakup a few months before, and while protection was used each time, I still figured it’d be safe to get tested.

My doctor’s first response to my request was, “What, did your boyfriend cheat on you?” I can’t tell if he was consciously using an alternate way of asking if I’d been sleeping around or if he genuinely thought that, indeed, a nonexistent boyfriend had been cheating on me, but I couldn’t help but feel that either way his response indicated a societal distaste for girls having random sex.

Interesting.

I corrected him politely.

I think so long as women respect their bodies and show this respect through dignity and politeness to other people when discussing aforementioned female sexuality, societies will come to a more widespread acceptance of the increasing freedom women are expressing their sexuality.

Jess says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20082:10 am

Right on girl! If a man wrote this article, no one would think twice, yet since you’re a woman everyone is freaking out. Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping around in college, and it doesn’t make you a slut. And, no I’m not having sex so people can’t be like “well she’s just standing up for herself” because that’s not true. I think some people are just narrow minded. They think they’re so high and mighty for not having sex that they have the right to bring other people down for having it. I personally think they’ll probably be miserable when they marry someone only to find out that that person is horrible in bed, but that’s just my opinion. A lot of people are still so shallow when it comes to sex. I think your article is empowering!

Jess says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20082:16 am

Also, why do women have long conversations about whether sex makes them sluts, but you never see a guy writing “Does sex make me a man whore?”

kristen says:
Thu, 19th Jun 200811:19 am

Casual sex with other people does not make you a slut. But one thing i do believe that you should ask your self is, do you know when to stop? Nobody like’s the so called rep of being a “slut”, so to best i can say is do what your heart desires but dont feel bad when you get a reputation of “yea she is easy, yeah i have slept with her”…And another insite i can say is truthfully suck when women are the only ones who can get a reputation of being a “slut” what happened to Men being “slut”?

Jenny says:
Thu, 19th Jun 200812:27 pm

Holy Shit!! Really? I completely agree with you about just having fun. i’ve never responded to someone’s blog before but these people who wrote comments are completely and utterly ridiculous. I feel like all of them are coming from a stand point of “i’ve had my boyfriend since freshman year of high school. when we have sex it’s special.” and whatever if that works for them fine but me personal at the age of 20 i’m not even close to settling down. I love my “random play” that I get. I have a saying that I use when people ask me “why do you like being slutty?” I just say, “I do what I do. And I like to do it. No reason but the fact that i was horny.” people who accept that are my friends and people who don’t well they’re not going to be at my next party.

too real from behind says:
Thu, 19th Jun 200812:45 pm

On the ‘why talk to friends about your sex life q’

When you have sex, you’ll get it.

Theres stuff about sex you want to talk about that men will not get, and the same is true for us.

amazed says:
Thu, 19th Jun 200812:47 pm

To most of the posters: is english your second language, or are you just retarded? Is it that hard to write a coherent sentence and, god forbid, proofread it? I’m all for sexual exploration and amusement, but goddamn!! If you’re going to take the time to defend your position, you fail to lend your argument any credence (look it up) when you write like a moron. Maybe put down the cigarette and pick up a book as you lay there enjoying the post-coital glow…I’m just saying.

Jake says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20082:05 pm

Why do people always make very unoriginal accusations against people who have out of relationship sex about STI/Ds? Admittedly a larger number of partners can increase the risk, but people who are sexually experienced are generally (I hope) intelligent enough to use protection.

Jake says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20082:06 pm

People nowadays who call girls sluts just because they enjoy sex just seem dated.

http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com/

kayla says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20082:11 pm

People are entitled to their own opinions either way. You get all pissy and bitch about the people saying they don’t agree with you, yet you call them dated and say they’re stupid. Who cares what people do with their lives..whether they choose to have one partner (or none), or have many..it’s no one’s business. We don’t have to talk about it all the time

The Biggest Loser says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20083:38 pm

I’m sad cause I’m a virgin! Some people never get to choose to have any partners because nobody wants them. Does anybody believe in pity sex on here? If you’re kind of chunky but not over 200 pounds and nobody wants to date you cause they think you’re fat even though your just a little above average size, hit me up for some lovin’ from a man who loves juicy booty meat!

Jake says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20084:18 pm

I don’t think I was bitching at all, just indulging in discussion. I definitely agree with you, whatever people want to do with their lives then that’s entirely up to them, as long as they don’t harm, interfere or obstruct what other people want to do. We’re on the same side Kayla, not that it’s a fight!

kayla says:
Thu, 19th Jun 20084:51 pm

Jake..I didn’t mean you in particular…sorry

christie says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20081:48 pm

This is for both men and women:

You can have all the sex that you want with how many people you want. Just don’t expect anyone to sympathize with you when you get pregnant, get AIDS, get herpes, or get any of those delightful STDs. Condoms are not 100% effective protecting againsta AIDS or herpes. The more people you fuck the more chances you’re taking. You don’t want to ruin your life by getting AIDs just because you were horny and couldn’t control yourself. Or would you? It’s all up to you, of course. THE END.

Heather says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20084:17 pm

Slut is a word that was originally used to try and control a woman’s sexuality. Do we really need to sit around and discuss if our sexuality meets or exceeds some made up limit (since there is no real definition) of a word that was made to control us in the first place? Let’s stop asking these silly questions, and even further, lets stop using the word entirely (even when we are pissed at someone). When we use this word in conversations, we continue to hold our gender back. The word “promiscuous” substitutes just fine if it is really needed, as it can apply to both women and men without discrimination. We all know the risks, involved, we’re all adults here, and more importantly, its 2008 and not 1950.

Star says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20086:26 pm

I think the point a lot of us are missing, is that what we really need is love. Sex is just a physical act. Regardless of whether you wait until marriage, or sleep with everyone person you meet, sex doesn’t mean anything without love behind it. So there’s no right or wrong answer as to how many people it’s “appropriate” to sleep with. There’s nothing wrong with waiting till marriage, but I think a lot of the ideas we have about giving away your virginity are only in our minds. My first boyfriend was a jerk, and after we had been sleeping together for a while I found that out. Yet in my next serious relationship, several years later, do you think that it was less special to have sex with him? No. It’s not like once you have sex you can’t do it again. I loved him, and that was something I could give him that I hadn’t given anyone else. I didn’t say, “I’m sorry. I already had sex so I don’t have the ability to love you anymore.” The physical part wasn’t what made it special. It was just as special because of love, and I think the whole concept of sex being a “bad” thing is all in our heads.

Jake says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20086:55 pm

’sex doesn’t mean anything without love behind it’

I disagree with that. It brings people together, shows trust, releases endorphins that bring pleasure, and oxytocin which helps people form bonds. It’s fun, brings pleasure and helps people to relax. Maybe these things don’t ‘mean’ as much as something we big up as much as LOVE, but to me sex still means something.

http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com/

christie says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20087:28 pm

Really, Jake? How can you trust someone you just met for thirty minutes? Then you’re already fucking them in the bathroom stall. Yeah, that’s a lot of trust right there *sarcasm*. You can release all of those things by masturbating, too. Also, why would you form bonds with someone that you’re likely not to see again if your partaking in a one night stand? Doesn’t really make sense.

Jake says:
Fri, 20th Jun 20088:13 pm

I never mentioned one night stands, 30 minutes or bathrooms. I just meant sex without love, or sex with someone who maybe you can’t imagine yourself being with forever. It can still mean something and be full of emotions even if it isn’t some rose tinted vision of perfect harmony.