The Master Cleanse, Day 3

speedy-burritos-budapest3.jpgLet it be known that day three of the Master Cleanse really, really blows.

My day started off OK. I woke up in good spirits feeling ready to take on another day without food when I remembered that it was time for my massive morning dosage of salt water. The night before, I had premixed my oral enema and left it next to my bed in the hopes that I would then drink it immediately when I awoke and I would be so out of it that I wouldn’t fully realize what I was doing. And it worked. At least, a third of the way through it, it worked.

After that I was left to choke down the rest, and though it proved to be more effective than yesterday, I came to the conclusion that a belly full of salt water is no way to kick things off. Tomorrow I’ll be entrusting my a.m. colon purge to Chocolate Smooth Moves; because I’m already struggling to find reasons to wake up in the morning without that staring me in the face.

So, after that I got dressed and left my house for a day of work in Brooklyn, armed with 5 servings worth of the lemonade. I got to the studio where I work and took a seat, pounded a lemonade, and started on my usual tasks. Then someone dropped something and I nearly fell out of my chair reaching for it. Then it happened again. Then I spent about five minutes staring at the materials before me, trying to remember what exactly I was supposed to be doing. Then I stood up to walk to the bathroom and was struck by how limp I felt. By 2 p.m. I had finished all of my lemonade and I knew there was no way I’d make it back to my apartment if I stayed until the end of the day, so I ducked out early in an attempt to avoid going into hypoglycemic shock on the train.

By the time I got home, I was starving and very, very irritable. I drank two glasses of lemonade mixed with some digestive supplements I picked up from Whole Foods on the way home (which, I learned from some research online, are a highly recommended addition to the Cleanse) and sat on the couch, trying to rally my energy to make it to the gym.

Eventually I forced myself into my gym clothes and out the door. On the walk to the gym I considered calling people back who had called me during the day, but I realized that I had no desire to make friendly chit chat with anyone. I got to the gym and managed to churn out my entire usual workout, and felt surprisingly chipper when I was done. Endorphins are amazing.

I walked into my apartment to find my roommate and his girlfriend eating homemade burritos and drinking beer. He looked up guiltily and apologized for the food being everywhere, to which I replied, “Dude, don’t worry about it. Just because I’m not eating doesn’t mean no one else can. It’s my choice.”

Which, I guess is the whole point, and the most irritating part of this little endeavor. I could quit, literally, any time. I could have dug into the rice and black beans and veggies on the stove and it would have been over, plain and simple. And I wouldn’t die, and the world wouldn’t end, I would have just given up on a rather unscientific diet developed by a borderline crack-pot with mediocre-at-best writing skills. But for some reason, I keep trying to convince myself to persevere.

Just wait until the first few days are over, then see. Just wait until you run out of syrup and then you can think about stopping. Just aim for a week; sevens days are certainly better than nothing. Even though the Master Cleanse is interfering with my social life and my work and my immediate happiness, I keep holding on, though I can’t pinpoint why. Is it the genuine desire to rid my body of the toxins Stanley Burroughs tells me are lurking in it? Is it the sense of competition – that if others can do it I certainly can? Is it to experience how my body feels after fasting 10 days? Is it to renew my sense of taste and my body’s response to food?

I suppose it’s a mish-mash of all of the above. I just wonder if it’s enough to keep me going until next Friday.

Related ItemsBody Food gym whole foods


  1. Jess says:

    Oh MY! Good Luck!

  2. Andrea says:

    ARE you Kidding ME… SB tells you NOT to take supplements… NOT to take supplements, and so since someone online tells you to you change what has been writen long b4 you and has worked for many, you and ADD supplements! i am on Day 3 right now… and altho i am more than a little worked up by you not following the fast, i am not hungry, i am not in pain or tired, and i dont have a headache… altho in my typical life i hardly ever drink alcohol, i am not addicted to caffine, i have never needed a monster (i dont think i have ever had one really), i do not smoke and i dont do any other recreational drugs, i only take medicine if I HAVE to, i am not on the pill. I think all of those things are going to make this flush harder, since there are more toxins in your body because of them. I do infact eat a ton of fast food… damn In & Out and Baker's!(which i believe are west coast only, so your safe) So i dont get the headaches or the fatigue but i do get so many benefits from the fast!

    1. Lauraloo says:

      Wow, Andrea. You seem a bit psychotic at worst, control freak at best. Why don't you let people's journeys unfold in their own way. Although I am following the cleanse as closely as possible, I understand that SB came to his conclusions through trial and error, with skepticism. What works for one person does not always work for everyone, so settle down. It is dogmatic (and frankly rude) people like you who give the wellness movement a bad name. Find the middle way.

  3. Kara says:

    I know this post is from a long time ago, but I found it after googling “master cleanse day 3.” I just wanted to tell you that you are HILARIOUS. It very well could be that I’m delirious from all the cayenne pepper flowing through my veins (I am currently day 2), but this post had me laughing out loud. Now I know what to look forward to tomorrow…

  4. Bob says:

    yeah me too I agree with kara and Lauraloo also. Day 3 tomorrow can't wait!

  5. OZ Master Cleanser says:

    Ha ha – I enjoyed your post and the banter to the psychoic girl who eats too much fast food… Don't even get me started on how wrong that is :) I do have to say that posting that wonderful photo of beer and Mexican food on day 3 of the Master Cleanse WAS NOT appreciated LOL – I can't stop staring at it ;)

  6. oby says:

    I'm on day 3 of the cleanse as well- I dont feel hungry, just have a psycological craving for food. Quite annoyed though as i haven't lost any weight- still where i started out and thats absolutely frustrating! You would have thought that 3 days on a liquid diet you should loose some weight…..but no not me.Now wondering if it's worth it as i'm it for the weight loss as well as the cleanse :(

  • You Might Like