College Candy

Limited Brands, a Columbus Ohio-based company that owns Victoria Secret, has announced that their immensely popular lingerie store is going to come out with a line of logoed sweat pants, tank tops and panties for 33 colleges, including UCLA, Harvard and University of Michigan.

Apparently this idea isn’t going over too well at Ohio State, whose Buckeye logo we won’t see slapped on the ass of any Victoria Secret product any time soon. It probably wouldn’t have been such a big had not the company been based in the same city that houses OSU, or if OSU rival Michigan wouldn’t get the Vicky Secret treatment.

So why is Ohio State going to be deprived of that rarest and proudest of honors? Well, because the CEO of Limited Brands, Leslie Wexner (who is a guy) is on the board of Trustees at OSU and feared a conflict of interest. In fact, last Spring OSU president E. Gordon Gee, (whose initials, I have to point out, spell EGG) stepped down from the board at Limited Brands for similar conflict of interest issues.

It all sort of sounds dirty and incestuous to me, made more so by the fact that some old dude is the head of Victoria Secret. In my mind, Victoria looked a lot like Dynasty-era Joan Collins.

Anyway, it is a sad day for all the Victoria Secret shoppers who go to OSU. Instead of buying over-priced underthings proudly bearing the logo of their school, they will have to buy over-priced underthings that have no logo at all. And all the money that they spend on said over priced underthings will go straight into the pocket of Wexner, the very man responsible for their misfortune. It’s a vicious cycle asking for some hard hitting investigative journalism.

But perhaps the Buckeyes should be counting their lucky stars. They could be like 52-year old Macrida Patterson, who injured herself while putting on a Victoria Secret low-rise v-string thong. Apparently there was a design flaw that caused a metallic piece of the underwear to fly up and hit Patterson in the eye, causing her permanent corneal damage.

This story inspires any number of humorous or horrifying scenarios, but here are the ones I’m most struck with, no pun intended.

1. A 52 year old wearing a low rise thong. I’m 23 and you would not catch me dead in a thong.

2. The way you would have to position your body to hit yourself in the eye while putting on underwear

3. The fact that Patterson will not allow defense attorneys to examine the offending thong.

[image from image and style news]