The Play(s) of My Life: The Bouncer, AND Another Failed Pickup Line

(SARA, 23, enters a dive bar with a small group of friends. She is the last one in.

The second she steps in, a middle-aged guy in a leather jacket, the bouncer, stops her at the door.)

MIDDLE-AGED GUY

ID.

(Our heroine is surprised surprised because this is a serious dive bar, and not a single one of her friends got carded before her.)

SARA

Just me?

BOUNCER

Yep.

Sara shows him her ID. He looks it at very carefully, gives it back, and then smiles and nods Sara in.

Once inside, Sara finds her friends.)

SARA

I can’t belive the bouncer carded me.

FRIEND

What bouncer?

(Sara turns to point at the bouncer, but now there’s no one standing at the door.

They leave soon after and Sara spots the “bouncer” drinking with his friends.)

BOUNCER

Can I see your ID?

(he chuckles)

…I’m not really a bouncer, honey.

SARA

(annoyed but trying to seem cool)

Well, let me see your ID.

(“Bouncer” winks pervilly at Sara. Sara makes a hasty retreat.)

_______________________________________________________

(Sara is walking to her boyfriend’s office to pick him up from work. It’s raining and she doesn’t have an umbrella, she so has the White Stripes turned all the way up on her iPod, because that’s how she do.

She walks along all the office buildings and two guys are standing in front of one, having a smoke. As she walks by:)

GUY

Miss, you dropped something.

SARA

(taking headphones off one ear)

What?

GUY

You dropped something.

SARA

(looking around on the ground, not seeing anything)

What? What?

(Sara continues looking and saying “What?” and Guy keeps trying to say something. Finally:)

GUY

No, you dropped something–my phone number.

(Sara looks at him. Is he serious? He is.)

SARA

(laughing awkwardly, trying to be nice)

Ah.

(Guy grabs Sara’s hand, which she tries to take back.)

GUY

I’m Shawn. What’s your name, beautiful?

SARA

(still trying to get her hand back)

Sara, but I’m on my way to pick up my boyfriend.

(Our heroine finally wrests her hand away from him, puts her headphones back on, and leaves.

AH, but there’s more!

Sara picks up her boyfriend. They’re walking back on the other side of the street when they hear someone shout from behind:)

VOICE

Is that your boyfriend?!

(Sara turns around and sees it’s the guy from before!)

GUY

Why isn’t he holding your hand? Man, you gotta treat her like a lady! She deserve better than that!

(Sara and her boyfriend try to stop giggling and keep walking.

They turn the corner and in a final call, the guy shouts:)

GUY

Man, he don’t love you!

(Sara and her boyfriend get on the train and almost collapse laughing.)

[image from blogs.indiewire.com]