He Said/She Said: Paying on the First Date

June 25, 2008 4:30 pm     Posted in Other Stories, Reality, Sex  Candy -- NYU g+ page

first-date.pngPicking up the tab on the first date is always an awkward moment. Do you offer? Do you just sit there looking around the room and wait for him to take it? What do your actions say about you as a person? In this week’s He Said/She Said, we dive into first date etiquette. Who should be grabbing their wallet?


By Candy

He Said:

Paying on the first date is completely inconsequential to me. I seriously don’t care. If I asked you out, then me paying makes sense to me, based only on logic. However, if she wants to pay, that’s fine, too. It doesn’t make me feel like any less of a man. Especially if I’ve somehow tricked some super-employed high powered lady into dating me (bonus!).

What I really hate is games being played with money/forced confusion. If you want to pay, then pay. If you don’t want to pay but want to seem like you want to pay, be careful. Don’t expect me to be all ‘oh no let me get it,’ after you say you’re covering it. I’m gonna sit there and look pretty. Also, women who expect the guy to pay every time, at all locations, and for all activities are pretty damn unattractive. It’s 2008, and I’m just as broke as you.

Ok I got a little off topic but basically, I really don’t care. In my experience, it makes no difference to the overall relationship and isn’t a ‘signal flag’ to me for anything except ‘she wants to pay tonight,’ or ‘she doesn’t want to pay tonight.’

She Said:

I always offer to pay on the first date. When the bill comes I reach down towards my bag and fiddle around for my wallet.

But I never actually expect the guy to take me up on it.

Yeah, you can hate me.

Don’t get me wrong; I realize it is 2008 and saying this will probably take my gender back about 100 years, but I believe the guy should pay on the first date. Not because it is his job to pay, but because if the guy asks me out, that is him saying he wants to take me out. That means he is going to treat.

I am not completely opposed to paying; I went out with a law student deep in debt and split the split the bill with him on date number one. What I am completely opposed to, however, is the guy who expects me to pay and makes no attempt at being chivalrous. Like the guy I went out with who ordered an obscene amount of food, took home all the leftovers and then told me that my wine was really expensive and I’d have to contribute to the bill.

What!? That glass of wine was $7, douchebag.

It may not be right, but when a guy goes out on a first date he should expect that he is going to pay. And if he doesn’t expect it I hope he doesn’t expect to get a second date, either, because there are many girls who won’t give him the chance.

[Photo courtesy of Teamsugar.com]

4 Comments on "He Said/She Said: Paying on the First Date"

  1. Michelle says:
    Sun, 29th Jun 20085:06 pm 

    i think that the man should pay, call me old fashion but i think that would be the right thing to do

  2. Lucy says:
    Wed, 2nd Jul 200810:56 am 

    I think it depends on who asked out who on the first date. Or if it was mutual, then you should go Dutch. However, I know guys who would be embarrassed to have a girl pay for them. Others don't care. I figure after a first date though, the bill should be split up…at least once in a while :)

  3. Johnathan-Wataru says:
    Fri, 29th Aug 20085:02 pm 

    Call me old fashion but I think the man should pay too.

    But honestly, whomever leads, if you offer to eat at a restraunt, you better offer to dent your wallet for this restraunt, if my income supports a 5 dinner week, don't expect some italian gucchi restraunt.

  4. Lawrence says:
    Fri, 23rd Jan 20094:34 pm 

    Easy answer to this one : Let the initiator of the date pay for the meal. Then ask plesently of the counterpart to just cover the tip. You can render much insight from how the counterpart evaluates the service. You can hear in the tone of speech easly if the counterpart had an over all good or bad time. A tip is not much to pay if you had a good time. But may be very painful if nerves were jangled.

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