Muppets: Concentrated Nightmare Juice

June 26, 2008 Posted in HaHa

I had a lot of nightmares as a kid. Thanks to these nightmares and various frightening films I’ve developed a hilarious set of OCD habits such as opening and closing closet doors before sleeping and checking behind the shower curtain before I saddle up to the toilet (you laugh but one day someone is gonna be in there and then who’s the dumb one!)

My imagination is easily inspired. For a while I couldn’t even watch a commercial for a horror movie because I knew those 30 seconds were enough to create an entire world of horrific fantasy that I’d be trapped inside for the rest of the evening. The one thing more unnerving then horror characters and sharks (I don’t swim in the ocean, at all, ever) is muppets.

Not all muppets, Kermit is fine, Fozzy, whatever. I’m talking about those LSD muppets that creators slip in films and TV shows, mixed with other cute, lovable creatures. They lure you in with Grover and then BAM, some abomination walks onto the screen that’s burned into your mind forever. Some horribly disfigured, warbly voiced monstrosity that may as well be drenched in blood, because thats how you’ll remember them, regardless.

Here’s five of the worst perpetrators.

5) Sesame Street’s Big Bad Wolf

He first appeared in a mock ‘News Report’ that Kermit was doing about the story of the 3 Little Pigs, but eventually was cast in a full time role in my brain as the monster that lived in the crawlspace behind our dryer. His nose and mouth are almost crocodilian in length, making him a hybrid death machine that can not only eat you whole, but smell (and enjoy) your fear.

4) Sesame Street’s Yip Yip Aliens

Who the f*ck invented these? I’ve seen like 3/4th’s of every science fiction movie ever and I’ve never observed a more frightening rendition of creatures from another planet. They have no body, and their circular mouths are contorted into a look of excruciating pain. The sound they omit — ‘Yip Yip‘ — over and over gives them an almost zombie-like demeanor. Incapable of love or communication, their race knows only war.

3) Skeksis from ‘The Dark Crystal’

Bird reptiles that appear to have some type of bizarre bone disease and turn infantile when they die/age. As someone who grew up around wild turkeys, the thought of gangs of intelligent, upright walking, violent minded birds hit very close to home.

2) The Rockbiter from ‘The Never-ending Story’

Could you have designed a more horribly disfigured face? My cousins would loop this scene and force me to watch it as a form of torture.

1) The Fiery Gang from ‘The Labyrinth’

A gang of forest dwelling, possible serial rapist apes who sing about ‘showing you a good time’ while removing their limbs and creating a gallery of horrifyingly twisted body shapes. Then they try to rip your head off, in an effort to make you more like them. Awesome, just awesome.

[Got any childhood fears induced by muppets? We want to know]

1002815 CommentsMuppets%3A+Concentrated+Nightmare+Juice2008-06-26+21%3A30%3A45mapofrussia on "Muppets: Concentrated Nightmare Juice"

Mary says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20082:06 pm

hahaha i love those aliens on sesame street!! they always made me laugh so much as a kid, they were so silly.

Casey says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20083:59 pm

I have the same problem. I get scared so easily and my imagination goes crazy, i think i'm seeing dead people everywhere. Ugh

J - NYU says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20084:01 pm

Those yip tip aliens made me burst into tears as a kid.

They're LSD-inspired, make no doubt about it.

J - NYU says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20084:02 pm

i think I meant to say both "make no mistake" and "no doubt about it"…but instead I typed a hybrid.

so…tired…

JUST LIKE RAY says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20085:00 pm

PERHASP MOST FRIGHTENING IS THE MRS PIGGY. KERMIT JUST WANTS TO HAVE FUN, BUT SHE IS ALL "FUCK THAT, FROG."

Suzie - George Washi says:
Thu, 26th Jun 20086:02 pm

I love the yip-yips! Did you ever see the one with the baby? Sooo cute! The big bad wolf did scare me however so I"m with you on that one.

Molly says:
Thu, 26th Jun 200811:44 pm

I’m glad I’m not the only one, who as an adult, finds the Fiery Gang from the Labyrinth creepy as hell. I usually fastforward through that part or find something else to occupy my attention.

Tamara says:
Fri, 27th Jun 200812:01 am

Oh man, checking behind the shower-curtain is my worst habit.

I hate being in my house alone!

Isabella says:
Fri, 27th Jun 20083:01 am

The Yip Yip aliens scared the hell out of my when I was little. So creepy.

cali says:
Fri, 27th Jun 20084:21 am

The whole movie Labyrinth freaked me out as a kid!!!! The Fiery Gang especially AND I thought David Bowie was pretty creepy in that movie as well but that was before I knew who he was.

Now I really wanna watch that movie again.

Ellie says:
Sat, 28th Jun 20081:17 pm

the fiery gang really freaked me out…and i was 19 when i first saw the movie.

and anyone who thinks david bowie's fascination with that baby boy was disturbing should know that originally his role was going to be played by michael jackson. gahh!

Emily says:
Sat, 28th Jun 20086:03 pm

I always do pretty well in scary movies..I'm fine with people jumping out, dolls moving, furry little things attacking… its those damn mirror scenes that have to show up in every scary movie: the protagonist or secondary character innocently washing his face, or hands, only to look up and find something horrifying behind them. I despise those scenes. Meanwhile, some genious sitting out in hollywood decided to make a movie ENTIRELY about mirrors. What a bad movie. those 10 second intervels of reflectionary terror are enough to make me not want to look in a mirror for weeks on end. 90 minutes of that may make me want to get rid of them all together.

Kate says:
Mon, 30th Jun 20089:24 am

To be honest, I STILL cant watch scary commercials. My brother laughs and/or sighs with annoyance any time I watch tv with him. I yelp and run for the remote anytime something that could remotely spin-off as freaky comes on.

I loved the Neverending Story the one thing that got me was when he arrives in Australia and he's in that ballroom type place and all those people are dancing around him. Freaky as heck.

John says:
Tue, 1st Jul 200812:45 am

you all have some serious issues, you may want to considr seeing a shrink

sheena says:
Mon, 4th Aug 20088:29 pm

oh the firey gang gave me nightmares sooooo bad!!! but it didn't stop me from watchiingit over and over-i just usually skipit. creeps running up my arms….

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