Supreme Court Rules in Favor of DC Thugs (and More)

DC Chief of Police, Mayor, and City Official React to Supreme Court’s Decision on Thursday

On Thursday the US Supreme Court struck down the D.C ban on handgun ownership as unconstitutional. It’s decision overruled 200+ years worth of lower court decisions that suggested that the intent of the amendment strictly concerned gun ownership in a citizens’ militia. The 1976 law prohibited handgun ownership and required that shotguns and rifles be kept unloaded and either disassembled or under a trigger lock.

The plaintiff in the case, Gillian St. Lawrence, a 29 year old residing in the posh neighborhood of Georgetown in Northwest DC, stated, “I’m thrilled… I’m finally going to be able to take the trigger lock off my shotgun and load it if I need to be able to defend myself in my own home”. It should be noted that the majority of murders occur on the opposite side of town—in the urban areas of Southeast and Northeast.

Last year there were 143 murders in DC and the thugs seem ready to beat that number this year. There have been 85 murders in DC so far this year. So let’s make it easier shall we? Hunting season is officially starting up once more in DC. Come one come all! (Your writer is a resident of DC).

In Other News:

On Thursday, the Bush administration agreed to remove North Korea from it’s “axis of evil” list in the so-called War against Terror. Despite the countries 6 month delay at filing a report on its’ plutonium production, and the gaping holes in said report, the administration praised the country for its’ significant step forward. On Friday, in a reciprocal show of good faith, North Korean officials toppled the cooling tower at its’ plutonium production facility. It remains to be seen, however, the extent to which the reclusive rouge regime will in fact halt it’s nuclear program.

In Zimbabwe, citizens are heading to the polls to vote in single candidate run-off election. Opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai withdrew from the race last Sunday following the murder of 80+ members of his party. On Friday he stated, “What is happening today is not an election. It is an exercise in mass intimidation with people all over the country being forced to vote,”. The United States has already warned that it will not recognize the results of the election.

And Now For Something Completely Different:

Next month the Church of Sweden will carry out “drive-in” weddings. The 7 minute ceremonies will be accompanied by a priest singing Elvis tunes and a gospel choir. Those desired to take the plunge will be directed to the highway turnoff by the red neon “Get Married” sign at the exit.

Ooookkkkay. So that’s the news!

[photo courtesy of the Washington Post]