The CC Weekly Weigh In: Best Rejection Lines Ever

We’ve all been there.

We are at the bar, enjoying our favorite hits from Madonna’s Immaculate Collection with our girlfriends when, BAM, that weird dude shows up out of nowhere. He may be old, he may be creepy, or he may just be plain old gross (no matter how many drinks we’ve had…and yes, we did take that into consideration…what can we say? It’s been a long, dry summer), but whatever the reason we are not interested.

We give all the right signals – our friends drag us away, we pretend that our phone is ringing, we start dancing with other guys – but he just doesn’t get it. What are we supposed to do?

Get creative, of course.

Our writers are weighing in this week with their best efforts at letting the lad down gently.

Britt – Northern Virginia Community College: I ended up pointing to a random huge tattooed guy across the room and said that he was my boyfriend with a huge rage problem. It ended up working and the skeezy guy left me alone!

Sady – The New School: If an uncomely man approaches me, he learns that my name is Andrea, I’m from Wisconsin, I go to NYU, I’m majoring in Art History, and my phone number is [the first seven numbers I can think of, recited with great confidence]. There are a lot of dudes in this town who probably wander around thinking, “wow, that Andrea is a bitch.”

Lauren – University of Michigan: “I haven’t done bikini line maintenance in a few months; it’s your call.”

K – NYU: My former roommate (after finishing her beer) told a guy offering to buy her next drink, “Can’t, I’m pregnant. Thanks though.”

Jess T – Columbia University: Some sleazy photographer kept hitting on me at this party. At one point he says, “I’m looking for my blind date, are you her?”I said, “No, sorry, I can see.”

Jessica – FSU: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to write my phone number on the back of your sub club card.”

J – NYU: “I forgot my phone number” …I was drunk, but it worked.

Devon – UCLA: “I have a baby. It didn’t work out with her dad, so this time, I’m in it for the long haul and I know I don’t know you very well, but you don’t seem like ‘the one’ to me.”

Melissa – College of Westchester: I told someone that “Angels in America” taught me that loveless sex goes against God and that I was going to be celibate for a long time to come. (By “a long time” I meant, “until I met someone who didn’t suck as much as he did.”)

Gemma – NYU: Umm…not returning their phone calls. Does that count?

Noa – UC Boulder: “Maybe if you weren’t wearing a pink Lacoste shirt…tucked into a pair of ill fitting jeans.”

Kathryn S.: I used my high-school level French to explain that I don’t speak English. Ne parle pas Anglais!

Olua: I once told this outrageously persistent dude a long, intricate story about my ex/stalker/soul mate. He looked horrified by the end of it and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night.

Victoria Witchey: Clearly lacking imagination, I turned a guy down by telling him I was a nun. I doubt he believed me, being it was in a club at 3am.

Sues – University of New Hampshire: “I’m 36 years old and married with a 2 year old.” They totally believed that my friend and I were getting away from our husbands and hanging out in a collegey bar…and I look 18.

Lyndsey – University of Michigan: (After having about 200,000 beers): “No, you can’t have my number because I’m f*#kin’ forty times hotter than you are, motherf*#ker. Get the f*#k out of here, son.”

Think you’ve done it better? Prove it.