Dear BF, I’m Leaving You for the Jonas Brothers

By Ccandyjessica

Dear Boyfriend,

While you were at your frat’s campfire Friday night—I know, triple kegger! How could you not check it out? Life’s too short, bro!—I stayed in and watched “Camp Rock,” Disney Channel’s newest original movie starring The Jonas Brothers.

Let me tell you something; these “bros” are like three Prince Charmings, and you’re still just a frog—a frog with crappy hair gel and a dorm room that constantly smells like Jose Cuervo and dirty underwear.

After the movie, I got to thinking: the JoBros would collectively make a much better boyfriend than you. So without further adieu…

Here are the top 20 reasons why I’d rather date the Jonas Brothers:

1. Fame

2. Money

3. Won’t consider the “Pimp My Ride” marathon and frozen White Castle burgers a romantic night in on our one-year anniversary

4. Great hair

5. Hey, uh, that middle one…Joe Jonas…he’s over 18, right?

6. Record-breaking tours

7. Won’t abandon me in Cabo over Spring Break—even if they ran into Matt Pinfield from MTV and “had to buy the dude a round.”

8. …that Joe’s got a killer smile…

9. Adorable YouTube videos

10. …and a girl could really get lost in those eyes…

11. At least one other brother is always nearby

12. Have you seen how his ass looks in those white leather pants?

13. Scripted Disney show in the works

14. …And the way he sings that ballad in “Camp Rock” is SO hot…

15. Two words: family values

16. Wow, I mean, just thinking about Joe…

17. They’ve met the friggin’ Queen!

18. …I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before.

19. I mean, I think you think you’ve made me feel this way, but trust me, I was faking it.

20. I, uh, I need a minute. BRB.

…Wow, back! Much better. Anyway, there you have it. Even if I never meet them because I’m not a Disney tween star, the thought alone of dating a JoBro is ten times better than actually dating you.

Love,

Jessica

P.S. Can you please drop my Miley Cyrus sleeping bag at my apartment when you get a chance? Thanks.

[Photo courtesy of clubjonas.com]