Did I Get Played? Help Me

June 30, 2008 11:30 am     Posted in Reality, Sex  Candy -- NYU g+ page

hammock.jpgI took a little trip last week to visit some friends, where I crossed paths with a gorgeous boy I met the last time I was out there. We were at a pool party for which I had carefully dressed myself knowing that I’d, invariably, be meeting a whole lot of people I had never met before. I looked cute and I knew it, but I still had to fight a huge smile when he told me I looked cute. And just like that, I knew we were gonna be lovers.


By Candy

So, 1 Sparks, 3 Stellas, 2 Jello shots, and 3 Jager shots later, Brent and I were having the most mind-blowing sex of my whole life. In the afternoon. His sheets smelled good and he had pictures of his family on his wall and his body (every last bit of it) was PERFECT. It was wild and hot and ridiculous and straight out of my fantasies.

Then I took a nap.

I woke up and Brent was having some friends over for a BBQ. He came into the room and closed the door behind him and smiled at me. (And this boy has dimples, so when he smiles, it’s like cute little daggers made of bunnies and rainbows are shooting through my heart.) He, dressed, came and laid down to me, naked, on the bed.

“Can you stay the night with me?” he asked.

Well, of course I f*cking could. I didn’t have a car to take me anywhere else, did I?

“If you want me to” I responded, with a smile; unlikely as cute as his.

“Good.” And he started kissing me. Sweetly — in the way that makes your heart stop. Not at all like the kind of kiss you’d imagine a boy would give a girl he just had circus-sex with.

He asked me to come out and meet his friends. I tied my hair up messily and didn’t even bother with makeup. Something about that post-greatest-sex-in-my-life glow makes makeup seem really unnecessary.

I sat on his lap and he held me while talking to all of his friends about how awesome I am and how randomly our paths had crossed that day. When the party began to die down, he took me by the hand over to his hammock. Tied to grapefruit trees and under the stars, we made out like we were being filmed as Zac and Vanessa for HSM4. That’s how cheesy it all felt.

We started talking about all of the “important” stuff. Ya know, god, sex, exes, existentialism, blah blah blah.

Brent turned to me, “How did I not know you were so awesome when I met you the first time? We’re so much alike. I wish you lived here. If you did, I would date you…like…every day. Don’t go home.”

I was enamored at the thought of having my week long trip turn into a hot romance. What can I say? I’m a girl.

Back in his room, we had even hotter sex than before. Then we cuddled and he fell asleep first, holding my hand. All through the night, he’d wake up to kiss me, and then fall asleep again. We woke up together eventually and had 3 more sex sessions.

“Do you want to build a bonfire on the beach tomorrow?” he asked me.

“Why not?” I responded.

“I don’t know…I just…I want to see you every day before you leave. Can we do that?” he said, while seeming more vulnerable than healthy.

“Okay,” and I smiled. Because…why wouldn’t I? He was gorgeous and nice and…he liked me.

When my friends came to pick me up on their way to the beach, he got dressed to come out and meet them. Naturally, they loved him. We spent the day at the beach talking about him and discussing how cute he was for wanting to build a bonfire. I was smitten.

And then I didn’t hear from him all day.

Or night.

Or all morning the next day.

Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday.

He never called.

I finally texted him, utterly disappointed in myself for having expected him to NOT treat me like dirt.

“Well, Bye.”

I never got a ‘Bye’ back.

Nothing.

So, now I’m angry.

What the f*ck? Why couldn’t he just have sex with me? Why all of the lovey-dovey talk? Why couldn’t he just straight up ignore me? Why all of the keeping-me-hanging banter?

I know it sounds crazy, but I would have been OK had he not planted the seed that there could be something more. But he did. And then he let me down.

I’m so frustrated. Is it as simple as I just got played?

32 Comments on "Did I Get Played? Help Me"

  1. tiff says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20087:11 am 

    some guy once said this: "If I was my true self I would never get laid. I mean, I am willing to completely dismantle my personality if it means sex. I will smile at you, I will laugh with you, I will listen to talk about Astrology…gazing intently into your eyes and nodding my head. I will play the part and play it very well. I will sit with you and laugh at your sitcoms and swoon to your music. I will do all this in hopes of getting some action. I will butcher my personality type leaving it mangled and bloody on the floor. But like a cheata, I can only maintain this speed over short distances. Once I make a kill or two or three I'm gone! My ability to walk away and disappear is so awesome it could be a super power!! Now, if I really like you, both physically and intellectually…I will marry you on the spot but, so rare to near impossible is this event." so… keep that in mind when a guy that's too good to be true comes by :D

  2. Kari - Florida State says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20088:34 am 

    Amen, tiff. If my memory serves me correctly that would be the prophet Douche waxing philosophical in the Good Book (Cosmo).

    Devon, my heart breaks for you. The same thing happened to me (although it was a several week long charade.) I did not wish him ill will (ok, maybe a little) I just wished that we had never met. I didn't hate him for cutting things off, I hated him for making me feel stupid.

    But I am NOT stupid (I hope) and neither are you. Prince Charming just turned back into a frog and I hope the next time you visit your friends you are both at a party where you look stunning and he has to awkwardly watch TONS of SEXY guys hit on you.

  3. Kelly - UMass says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20089:06 am 

    Hey Dev,

    Guys do this sometimes and frankly, it's because they can. By saying those things to you, it gets your head all cloudy and extremely willing to give the sex romp another go (or another 10 go's). Unfortunately, this is a tactic that will continue to work because, despite our resistance to WANT to not fall into the trap, girls inevitably (we're human after all) do. So, I hope you enjoyed the rest of your vacation and you took the experience for what it was worth, which – to me – seemed like a lot of great sex, and that should be enough for you. Next time you go visit there and if you by chance bump into him, don't let his "baby, baby" talk reel you in again…you'll just wind up feeling the same way.

  4. J - NYU says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20089:20 am 

    I think, as a whole, guys don't take "words" as seriously as we women do.

    Who agrees with me?

  5. Bekah says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20089:26 am 

    okay so it was a dick move on his part. but isn't everyone just jumping to conclusions? maybe it just suddenly hit him that you weren't staying and he didn't want to make things worse for himself by becoming even more attached. yeah, it's selfish and cruel, but a lot of guys are just trying look out for themselves. you have a right to be mad at him, but don't assume that he used you. it might not be the case at all.

  6. Maria says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200810:06 am 

    Seriously, Devon…it could be just what Bekah said. Sure, he's a guy, so he might have been faking. But there's always that chance that he seriously just really liked you and it freaked him out! I bet you'll hear from him eventually. Guys will do anything for sex, yeah, but it kinda sounds like you two just had a real connection….Hmm…

  7. Laura says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200810:19 am 

    You probably looked like a sure bet and he thought he could bone you then dump you later. Guys are like that. They look for the easy ones and then go after the girls they want to marry. I guess you're one of the easy ones. 'Cause there's girls that you marry and bring home to your mother and then there's girls like you that they just play with and then abandon. It's how all guys are.

  8. Elizabeth - Baruch C says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200810:42 am 

    Yuck. That's just gross, Laura. Not to say that you're wrong, but personally, I don't think the girls who enjoy sex should automatically have to be totally OUT of the 'girls you bring home to your mother' category. I've personally had some long lasting and serious relationships based off of what could have easily been a one night stand…

  9. Laura says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200810:46 am 

    Well, Elizabeth, maybe that's why none of your relationships have lasted. Food for thought.

  10. Ryan says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200811:08 am 

    Wow. Nothing judgmental about that Laura chick– ten bucks says she's one of those high-self-esteem chubby girls. Good luck with that, btw.

  11. Elizabeth - Baruch C says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200811:17 am 

    When did I say my relationships haven't lasted? I had a 3 year relationship based off of a one night stand and I'm still very close with that guy. I guess lasting for me, by definition, has nothing to do with marriage or 'forever and ever and ever, amen', though. To me, it's only about developing a strong bond with someone else as a companion. Just because that person may not be my companion in 10 years…that doesn't mean that love wasn't at the bottom of our connection. In fact, I think when you're more open to the idea of being real friends with your lover, you're more open to the idea that you may not always be lovers. Just food for thought for you.

  12. Kel says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200811:48 am 

    I don't think its fair to guys to always assume they are just trying to get laid. yeah a lot of guys are like that but not every guy. I had an encounter with a guy who I thought really for real liked me. But when he didn't call me right away, I wasn't sure. It seemed like he was blowing me off. Then later on I come to find out that his brother was telling him he came on too strong and if he wanted a chance with me he needed to back off and wait a few days.

    Trust your instincts. If you can honestly tell yourself that this guy was genuine, not just because you wanted him to be but because he really was, then any number of things could explain his actions.

    And Laura – why make assumptions about people like that? If she "looked like a sure bet" why would he have to make up all of that stuff? It would have been unnecessary. And are you married Laura? In a "lasting" relationship? or do you just resent girls who enjoy sex because you blame them for the fact that you are lonely.

  13. Sady - The New Schoo says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200812:11 pm 

    God DAMN, Laura, if I had such a pessimistic view of the male gender, I'd never have sex either! Here's a thought: if guys are incapable of respecting women they have sex with, or of having sex with the women they respect, then WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU WANT ONE IN YOUR LIFE? It's always the "but I want to get MAAAAAARRRRIED" girls who are the most eager to claim that men are dogs, in my experience. Most of us know that sex is a key part of a healthy relationship – and of life in general, whether you're seriously dating or not. In the meantime, I hear the Interwebs have several great chastity belt options for you. Send pics to your husband! He'll be TOTALLY TURNED ON by your fear and loathing of your own body. I guarantee it.

  14. Lauren, University o says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200812:40 pm 

    Guys tell me this shit all the time and it makes me so mad. I am already in the cab on the way home with you. Do you realy feel it is necessary to have to BS me in order to get me to sleep with you? Why can't they just call it what it is so everyone is on teh same page?!

  15. Elizabeth - Baruch C says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 200812:45 pm 

    I'm with you, Lauren. It is annoying as f*ck when it happens. Are they really so dumb to think they need to sweet talk us into bed? I'd like to think that the guys I know are smarter than that. I'd like to think that maybe there can be some sincerity behind it. I don't want to believe that because it makes me feel like a princess, it just makes me feel like not all guys are liars…and that is something I do want to believe.

  16. Darcy says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20084:07 pm 

    Hey, it really takes (orgasmic and heart-melting) turn with a player to teach you about their true nature. I know I had to sleep with one (sadly, my story ran its course over several months) to realize how little meaning all that instant connection and dreamy smiles could mean.

    It's so sad that after we learn our lessons, we'll be hard-hearted cynics. Well, maybe just me :P

  17. Casey says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20086:52 pm 

    I think with so many girls out there trying to play a man's role, sleeping with whoever they want whenever they want, this is a guys way of taking it back, they want us to know that they are still in control, they still hold the cards when it comes to anything sex related and they can still use sex to make us feel like shit, no matter how much we think we're being "using" them for OUR pleasure. Guys know girls are emotional so they play to our senses. When it comes to sex guys will always have the upper hand, no matter what. That's why sorry to say it (cause i went through the whole sleep with whoever whenever stage) but girls who sleep around will always be considered dumb sluts, for this very reason. Guys use sex to take advantage of girls. They want a bit more then we want out of it.

  18. Casey says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20086:56 pm 

    sorry that "being" wasn't supposed to be there. And as an afterthought, I know that's a pessimistic way to view the situation, but not everything in life is rainbows and kittens, the world can be a downright shitty place. Sorry to step on anyones toes, but I've been there too. The only surefire way to have the upper hand is to not sleep around, but I know that holds no credence here so go ahead and bash away.

  19. David says:
    Mon, 30th Jun 20088:32 pm 

    If being a smart confident woman means sleeping around, do all the work, and don’t commit yourself to marriage, I as a male, am all for that. Honestly, the women who think they are liberated are the least liberated, they’re so easy to take advantage of. I’ve slept with tons of ‘liberated’ women and never had to commit, because they say they don’t need a man to look after them. Well since they don’t need a man, i just get up and leave after sex. Works for me.

    Congratulations women. Years of women’s liberation has paid off, and you now have exactly what you’ve wanted this whole time: the right to be depraved, unrepentant slaves to your own sex drives.

    Kudos for working so hard to become that which you hate.

    We men have created a delusion that in order for women to earn our respect they must do all the work and have sex with us on command. Sadly for women, it has worked like a charm.

  20. Elizabeth - Baruch C says:
    Tue, 1st Jul 20085:09 am 

    I don't understand why everything has to be so goddamn serious. I really think everyone has watched too many movies. What if no one is trying to play anyone? What if two people meet and just want to have fun together and they do NOT want to intentionally hurt one another? Why hasn't anyone considered this? I have lived with guys my whole life…guys in bands who can get tons of ladies, nonetheless. Sure, some have been assholes to girls they hook up with, but to my surprise, most have been really into the girls they choose to touch and come back smitten by THEM. But they always play the 'too cool' card because they feel it's their only way to keep their upper hand. It doesn't mean they don't really respect those girls and want to see them again…just a thought…

  21. Sady - The New Schoo says:
    Tue, 1st Jul 200812:01 pm 

    DAVID! You're back! And you managed to post the EXACT SAME comment on two separate blog posts – Elizabeth's and mine. It's good to know that you only have one thing to say in this lifetime. It will make ignoring the rest of your comments all the easier.

  22. Reggie says:
    Tue, 1st Jul 200812:29 pm 

    I thought a friend was avoiding me until I found out he didn't have texting. A lot of people are against it nowadays, no reason not to call and if he doesn't pick up or if he does, relay that you haven't called him because you met someone new…or that, in a tactful way, take the psychology route and take his words and turn them against him, I don't know how but the end result aimed for is him either feeling guilty or insecure, an eye for an eye kinda thing.

    I like to show such people that I run into how awesome my life is and how completely lame they are and treat them like a guy I'm trying to get rid of. You never got that chance, so I'd just get over it. You had loads of fun, remember that, and know he was in it just like you – for the sex. You were leaving soon, both of you knew it. To ward off future problems like this, if a guy is talking love crap when you're about to move away, lay it down like it is and say it isn't going to last so lets just have fun, and I'll see you when I see ya. Now if you were hearing the love crap and falling in love yourself…well…you shouldn't have forgotten that long distance relationships are ridiculously hard unless you were together for a bit of time and even then they're hard to keep together. I'm not blaming you for what happened, I'm just talking about preventative measures – communicate. Everytime he said why didn't I meet you before, act like a worldly queen and laugh it off and make some comment in return like, "well, I was here. Too bad you didn't notice cause now I'm leaving. Doesn't that suck?" (in a joking cutesy kind of way) That'd be an easy way to breach the subject of any ideas of a relationship.

    Although he is a liar for not following through on waiting to see you, I hope he didn't get into a car accident and die, at least you didn't leave any mean messages for his parents to hear?

  23. Sebs says:
    Tue, 1st Jul 20081:28 pm 

    Ok I can't resist. I will clue you girls in on why men do this. I've done the exact same thing a couple of dozen times. I don't think i'm a player and i have no problem with women or their power or freedom or any of that. And he sure as hell did not play you because he wanted to get laid. He had ALREADY gotten laid, and could have gotten laid a half more dozen times just by being moderately nice to you.

    So, why play the romance card? Because you wanted it. He was just following your cues and giving you what you wanted. Some women need lovey talk and candles to get off. Nothing wrong with that in his mind so he played along. You enjoyed it, right? So why be mad?

    Next time, project the vibe that you are an independent type that wants NOTHING with romance or commitments. A sensitive, intelligent guy who knows his way around women will pick up on that and give you your space. Or project the vibe that you feel guilty so he will know you are in fact cheating on your boyfriend. A smart guy will know not to even ask your name. It really is that simple most of the time with us men. We are simple creatures.

  24. Don says:
    Wed, 2nd Jul 20087:12 am 

    Why do you keep going for guys like this? Why do you keep falling for the smooth, pretty-boys? Why do you think you have to do this all your college years and leave the guys that won’t do these things to you all alone? And why can’t you ever have sex with anyone you don’t think is a total jerk?

  25. Bekah says:
    Wed, 2nd Jul 20081:48 pm 

    oh sebs, david… just because you guys are the kind that think that just because you have a dick, it gives you a right to act like one, doesn't mean that all guys are like that. oh you smooth playas, you. want to talk about being a slave to a physical urge? think about copulatory imperative.

    and david, you know what, if i'm going to sleep with a guy, it's not because i want to feel empowered and liberated! it's because i want to sleep with a guy, whether it be because i care about him or because i want to get laid.

    and as for you sebs, giving a girl romance because you think she wants it is a bad idea. for fucks sake, it doesn't take that much to be up front with your intentions. if i want to sleep with you, it doesn't matter whether you want to date me or not. like seriously, i like you, i want you. if you don't want a long-term thing, i'll deal with it. but when a guy just gives the impression that he's in it for the long haul and then jumps ship without warning, that's low.

    you think you're such a smart guy, but who do you think i'm calling when i want a great night? the guy who was upfront and we agreed that amazing sex is good enough, or the guy who was a total dick and never called?

    okay. ranting done.. guys can really piss me off. i believe in the whole best-intentions thing, but honestly. some people need to stop thinking with their cock.

  26. Sebs says:
    Thu, 3rd Jul 20086:15 am 

    bekah, i would agree with you that if a guy gave the impression that he "was in it for the long haul" when in fact he was not, that is a dick move. i have never done that and the guy in this post did not either. there is no such thing as giving the "impression that he’s in it for the long haul" in a one night stand, is there?? i hope not.

    my point was that he was being romantic in order to make her happy. he probably didn't call her because he got busy, or lost her number and then was embarrassed to call, or had a girlfriend himself, or whatever. romance makes sex better. what is so bad with that?? i really don't get it.

  27. Data says:
    Thu, 3rd Jul 200812:09 pm 

    I do this sometimes, I'm a girl, and I do this without really meaning too much from it. It's just that your with a cool person, and your cool yourself, and the whole environment at that time is cool, so why not just be open and talk about whatever, like the way you feel about things, what you want in your future, what makes you happy, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't mean you want a future with that person, it just means you feel like thier a cool person and your cool with talking to them. Guys read way, WAY too much into stuff like that also. Maybe he was a dick, maybe he had other shit going on and figured that your just there on vacation so he blew you off because he didn't want to get attached to you.

  28. Data says:
    Thu, 3rd Jul 200812:29 pm 

    SEBS — DAVID — you guys seem pretty cool! I'm real, I know exactly what your saying. I do the same things (from what I've heard, and for what I've been stalked for). But guys are just as crazy and emotional as girls. Guys read way too much into talking just like girls do. Even more actually!!! Damn, it's like you can't even be a nice person to a male without him thinking that you want to hit it or marry it. Usually when I'm 100% honest with guys, they think I'm lying, but when I am lying (alot) they never think I am.

  29. Sebs says:
    Thu, 3rd Jul 20082:33 pm 

    data that is so true. how often are you out with a guy and he is telling you how this girl was totally hitting on him and you are thinking: no she wasn't.

    i guess it's human nature to read things to mean what we want them to mean. that's probably some of what is going on in this post too!

  30. spanxchix says:
    Fri, 4th Jul 200812:50 pm 

    YOU GUYS MIGHT BE INTERPRETING THIS WRONG! Guys have feelings too, and can be complicated sometimes, just like girls. Maybe he was so heartbroken about your leaving that he just couldn't talk about it, but neither could he avoid talking about it. Maybe his feelings frightened him. That has definitely happened to me. Maybe I am completely wrong, but why would you jump directly to the most negative possible conclusion when the truth is, you don't know what he was feeling. You girls do the hot-and-cold thing to us guys every day. Thank God we usually don't assume it is some diabolical plot to take advantage.

  31. Devon says:
    Sun, 6th Jul 20084:53 pm 

    Alright guys,

    I just had to come on here and tell you how this story ended…er….at least where it is right now. I came back from my trip with a long email from him. He talked about how much he enjoyed hanging out with me and how much he hated the fact that he didn't get to see me again. He said he got called into work on a project and dropped his phone, losing my number. This was followed by him saying that he was going to come visit ME sooner than later. Could it all be bullshit? Well, yes, of course. But why bullshit me? We live on separate coasts for crying out loud….

    Any thoughts?

  32. tissue says:
    Sun, 6th Jul 200811:31 pm 

    Hey devon,

    Maybe a closure?

    Or maybe this might be something in the works? Otherwise, good luck!!

    I hope everything works out, and if it didn't, he just sucks then. :)

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