College Candy

For some reason, all the men I encounter lately consider awkward to be the new hot thing in the art of pick-up lines. I’m not sure who these work on, or if they really do, ever, but something must be inspiring people to come up with gems like the following. Maybe it’s that crappy Pick Up Artist?

1.“You intimidate me because you’re [insert your ethnicity here].” Hi, try responding to that—when you’re clearly not interested—without sounding like a complete racist. I deserve a drink from the bartender just for being made to feel that uncomfortable, thanks.

2. “You look like you should be on that show So You Think You Can Dance.” Caveat here is, if you are not dancing in any way, shape, or form. I’m wearing shorts and 4-inch heels, these aren’t exactly my dancing shoes, but thanks?

3. “A girl like you should always have a guy next to her. Always.” Yes, I concur. To keep creepers like yourself from getting too close to me.

4. “You’re so [pick your most painfully obvious feature. Even if you're just average, imagine someone is saying that to you in a complimentary fashion.]” There’s a difference between being observant and having tact. I can see which one you picked…

I also enjoy the random men who offer life advice:

“If a man isn’t willing to rub your feet at the end of the day, get rid of him. You can do better than that.” This was legitimately thrown my way one night at a friend’s birthday party. I’m not even creative enough to dream this sh*t up. I mean, does this guy have a total foot fetish? Is he staring at my Gladiator-ed feet and getting a little….turned on?

I’m pretty attached to my pedicure place, actually. I get the sentiment, but I think I’m fine with general emotional attachment, flowers, dinner, etc. Foot massage is not a prerequisite of mine when choosing a boyfriend, or even a one-night stand.

Alright ladies, I know it’s not just me. What are some of the worst lines you’ve gotten lately?

[photo courtesy of cin1977's blog:]