He Said/She Said: Fake Boobs. Yes or No?

July 9, 2008     Posted in HaHa, Other Stories

boobs.jpgFrom Tori Spelling to Pamela Anderson (to this crazy woman), implants are all the rage. But, why? Are they really attractive? Sexy? Worth it? We asked our resident guy to weigh in before we let our opinions loose. Read on for some very interesting stuff.

16

He Said:

Fake breasts are not impressive. That is basically the short and the tall of the matter. Sure, they are boobs, and sure, they are big, but that fake modifier is something that changes the way men look at breasts. They become only really something to look at, and not an object of sexual attraction or desire. It’s almost as if the male psyche likes to look at fake boobs as if to say, “Real boobs – that big would be cool…if they were real.”

And this isn’t to mention the comically over-sized breasts we see in current porn stars. That’s like an advertisement that you can tell is pandering. Ineffective because you know exactly what they are trying to do. Great, you know men like large breasts, so you’ve turned yours into objects that need their own (individual) zip codes. How, exactly, am I supposed to manage those? I’d need 2 other guys to get through the paperwork!

Of course, ‘fake breasts’ are not always a cosmetic procedure, and reconstruction isn’t the same as enlargement. Having your breasts reduced because you experience serious back pain is a completely different matter. For those keeping score, indeed, I am saying it’s the principle of the procedure that matters, and not the physical outcome. There are plenty of guys that identify as ‘ass men’ or ‘breast men,’ but in reality, we aren’t that picky.

So, unless you absolutely need it for some type of alleviation of pain or other serious medical reason (or psychological, I suppose), stay away from the knife. If you have a guy encouraging you to do it, he’s a complete douche. Ask him to have his balls enlarged, and say its because they aren’t adequate enough.

She Said:

Everyone in my family has bigger boobs than me; even my dad. It has been a family joke for quite some time now: “Did a mosquito bite you?” “This pillow is as flat as your chest.”

Shirts and dresses don’t fit me right; sports bras make me look like a boy; and I am always jealous of my well-endowed friends, especially when I hear my guy friends comment on their chests.

But no matter how much extra boob-age I want, I would never get implants. I don’t really understand why people do. They look fake, they feel fake (like Ziploc bags filled with water) and in a few years, they are gonna start sagging just like the rest of us. Not to mention the fact that they can be dangerous for our health; our bodies can reject them and make us really ill! Is it really worth it to get sick over a pair of fun bags?

I completely understand being unhappy with certain parts of your body, but I believe that your real body looks a hell of a lot better than the plastic-y fake look implants provide.

16 Comments on "He Said/She Said: Fake Boobs. Yes or No?"
  1. allyoueatiscookies says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 200811:07 am 

    Fake tits are disgusting abominations.

  2. Heather says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 20081:18 pm 

    i think you need to work on the relationship with your father… seems kind of strange.

  3. Hanabira says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 20082:04 pm 

    what a judgemental article… i believe we all have the right to do what we like to our bodies; i would never want a tattoo personally but i wouldn't go into such a damning bitch about them.

    we should live life how we like- if this means one wants surgery/tattoo/piercings etc… then fine, if not then fine too- because we only get one life; we shouldn't waste it worrying about the thoughts of such opinionated people who feel the right to make judgements on our appearance and choices.

  4. meep says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 20083:46 pm 

    hmm… i dunno about NEVER getting implants… that would definitely be @ the bottom of my plastic surgery to-do list though. i'm just happy my boobs aren't too big or too small. i used to be made fun of just like you, people saying my non-existent boobs looked like pimples or mosquito bites! but later on i grew into a 32C! lol i think it's because i ate a lot as a growing kid and when i got older, the weight i was SUPPOSED to gain from eating all hat junk went straight to my boobs (and maybe thighs, ugh). but i think maybe if i had kids and breastfed, my boobs would sag and look a little deflated, so it's something i MIGHT consider. but that's the only case :D anyway i'm glad you accept yourself the way you are. i used to live in the newport beach/hunting beach area, where everyone surfed and i guess it made the surfer girls have no boobs. so like 80% of women there have breast implants, ugh.

  5. meep says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 20083:47 pm 

    *huntington beach.

  6. allyoueatiscookies says:
    Wed, 9th Jul 20085:37 pm 

    hanibara its a personal opinion piece

  7. Jon says:
    Thu, 31st Jul 20085:32 pm 

    meep,

    as a guy, the only time I could forsee myself starting to really care whether my girlfriend/wife had fake boobs would be when it came time to breastfeed, at which point I'd probably want them to be real.

  8. what says:
    Fri, 22nd Aug 200811:58 am 

    Where do girls get the idea guys really care?

    I've never given a damn to be honest, besides mannerisms seem far more important. A vaguely feminine body (see cross dressing) can fool the wisest of males with the right moves.

  9. Jasper says:
    Fri, 29th Aug 20088:15 am 

    My last girlfriend had almost no boobs, my current girlfriend has huge boobs. Both are hot as can be and turn me on in crazy ways. I have slept with one girl with fake boobs. First of all I knew her for years before she got them, so it was kinda strange for them to just show up. Second, I'll admit that they were pretty hot while they were in her dress/blouse/bra/whatever. BUT, once they were free to do what boobs do best, they couldn't really do it. They look different, feel different, are different than the real deal. Kinda like diet soda never tastes like the real thing. It was artifical, left a bad taste in my mouth and ultimately left me turned off. Keep the boobs you have ladies, please. We love them in every size. LOVE THEM.

  10. jammin says:
    Wed, 14th Jan 20097:43 pm 

    Boobs are like pizza. Wonderful whether small, medium or large

  11. Que says:
    Tue, 20th Oct 20094:46 pm 

    We like all female boobs and would like to see them if you have pics. All women are accepted up to the age of 50 thanks bye.

  12. Chief says:
    Wed, 24th Feb 20103:56 pm 

    I don't care if they're real of fake. If you get fake boobs just don't end up with crazy looking boobs like Tori Spelling or get implants so huge they look weird when you get naked.

    Boobs are really rated in quality, not quantity anyway. I love boobies!

  13. Sonny Crockett says:
    Fri, 11th Jun 201012:31 pm 

    They look awesome…….fake or not..

    Shut up…..

  14. pat dhan says:
    Thu, 12th Aug 20102:54 pm 

    are you kidding do not be a hater. Fake boobs rock!!

  15. carl says:
    Sat, 4th Feb 20127:29 pm 

    i like big fake boobs only !!!! because big tits is much more better !!!!!! small tits is a crime !

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