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Confessions of a Big Girl in a Bikini
I did the most daring thing today. I purchased my very first bikini since I was 6. For many of you, this sounds like nothing worth merit; but for me it means a lot.
I’ve always been The Fat Kid who was constantly teased because my thighs were bigger than everyone else’s.
Even after puberty blessed me with hips and boobs to help evenly distribute my weight (thank you, puberty!), my big girl classification never left. In fact, it still dangles over my head as a constant reminder that I’ll never be small. I still never feel 100% comfortable in anything I wear and – despite having several flings and one serious boyfriend – the thought of talking to a guy makes my throat close up and my heart beat like crazy.
Instead of obssesing over my weight, I recently decided to learn to live with my curves and stop cursing them (even though I would like to change some things about my body for health reasons). While putting away clothes at my job at a retail giant I came across a gorgeous solid indigo bikini with with crystal accents. I couldn’t put it down. I just had. to. have. it.
So, I did.
I ventured home and slipped it on, checking myself out in the mirror. I felt beautiful. Sure my belly pooch was visible for all the world to see, but I felt like a goddess. It was exhilarating and exciting and….beautiful.
So ladies, let go of all those bodies insecurities and pull out that bikini or mini dress you’ve been dying to wear (just make sure it actually fits). Your body – no matter what size – is beautiful and you will see that when you put it on.
And, for those of you who have been rocking the bikini forever, the next time you and a group of friends are ready to giggle as you pass that so called “beached whale” donning a two piece, think about how confident she is and hope that one day you’ll actually posses an ounce of pride that she has for looking like a real woman.
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Sarah says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20087:03 am
What size are you, out of curiosity?
Erin says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20087:41 am
I was completely 100% with you until that last bit. The fact that size doesn't matter should work both ways. How exactly does a "real woman" look? A real woman is who you are on the inside. Kudos to you for finding your self confidence though; I know exactly where you're coming from in that respect, and I'm glad you chose to share it with all of us.
Steve says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20087:43 am
Why is being overweight seen as being a "real woman"? Would being thin or the proper weight (and, yes, there are parameters for a person's height and bone type) make a person an "unreal woman"? I realize it's semantics, but giving the impression to people that being in an unhealthy state (which being overweight is) is fine because it means you are more "real" does not seem like a good idea.
Lauren, University o says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20087:43 am
I think this is fantastic! I don't have a "bikini" body but I wear one whenever I'm laying out. Just because I dont have a visible six pack doesnt mean I'm not sexy.
Kelly - UMass says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20089:08 am
What an inspirational post. I commend you and congratulate you!
Kelly - UMass says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20089:09 am
Oh and for Steve's comment…being a real woman can mean being any size that makes you feel comfortable, not just the stereotypical stick-thin.
Steve says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20089:31 am
As I said, semantics.
Joey says:
Thu, 10th Jul 200811:09 am
I agree with Erin. The thin girls who snicker at people like you are bitches, but not because of what they look like. You should know that what they look like does not define who they are. In fact, it goes the other way around.
If you are truly satisfied with the way you are, and you were at peace then "more power to you." I may be reading too much into it, but it seems like you want to be thinner and you have settled for being the way you are because that's how you've always been.
To most big girls who truly want to be thinner, there is nothing stopping you. Oh, except some self-discipline, adversity, sweat, and dedication. Be who you want to be, big or small, and don't let anybody take anything away from you.
aly says:
Thu, 10th Jul 200812:40 pm
im considered having an athletic physique i workout all the time. I am a personal trainer but i was a little chubby as a kid and i have never worn a bikini in public until two weeks ago when my bf said he'd buy me anything i wanted to suck it up and finally get some confidence and enjoy myself. I had to get completely drunk to get the balls ( i have bad body issues obviously) and will never to it again but it was liberating. so heavy or a size two lots of women have major insecurities. it not about weight its about how you see yourself
leebee says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20081:22 pm
I'm a plus-sized gal, and I definitely commend this post. I, personally, wouldn't have the guts to don a bikini, but I give lots of kudos to those who arn't a model size showing their body pride and wearing one. Kudos!!
KB says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20082:52 pm
Why aren't smaller girls allowed to be their smaller size without being "real women"? I agree that many probably haven't dealt with the same shiz us larger women have, but there's no reason to generalize all skinny girls as people who will laugh at us. I don't think many do on the beach anyways. As my mother always said, everyone – EVERYONE – is more concerned with the way they look in a swimsuit than the way YOU look in a swimsuit. The fact that you'd suggest otherwise makes me doubt you possess the amount of confidence you claim to.
- KB (proud size 14 bikini wearer)
Amber - University o says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20082:56 pm
Sarah I'm a size 16…and I totally agree with Kelly about what a real woman looks like. Its time for people we're not all meant to be stick thin and we're not all gonna end up obese!
laura says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20087:22 pm
Hey KB…
As a size 0-2, thanks for saying that us "skinny, stick girls" aren't all bitches and unreal.
I know how awesome I feel when I put something on that I feel sexy in, and I'm glad you found that feeling too. The bikini sounds adorable.
Kaycee says:
Thu, 10th Jul 20088:27 pm
I recently went to visit friends in a place that is very warm. The second weekend I was there it reached nearly 100 degrees. She has a pool, and we all decided to go swimming. There were boys, including one I liked. I had to buck up and pull out the bikini.
I am a size 10, and at 5'8" most people would say that's no big deal, but I have very small bones, so yes it is
. It took a lot of confidence, but I finally was able to do it, and have been able to do it several days now. It's very liberating, although I am still quite shy about it …
ela says:
Fri, 11th Jul 200812:27 am
this has a lot to do with where you live. in europe it's almost unacceptable to be 'big'…esp on the beach-if you're under 40. it's crazy but the norm here. i've felt the pressure myself and even as a size 2 (naturally) i've found myself thinking 'why not 0?'. i realize it's ridiculous. being a 'real woman' here is something totally different- and curves are a lot less glamorized.
Melissa says:
Fri, 11th Jul 20082:14 pm
Congratulations on facing your fear! You are a strong, confident person.
I, personally, will not wear a bikini, although I am not considered to be heavy or overweight. However, thanks to genetics, I inherited some serious legs and some definite thigh muscle/ass…complete with a patch of celulite my mother swears I've had since the age of 2 (WTF) So I sport one of those cute skirt bottoms and pair it with your basic bikini top. I don't think I would ever have enough confidence to don a bikini, so I give you a lot of credit. You go girl!
X says:
Fri, 11th Jul 20084:28 pm
good that u've become confortable with ur bod.
whether ur small or big, people will always have issues with the way they look… its just a matter of realizing thats the way u r, and always will be (unless u[or the person] decide to do something about it) if ur not comfortable with ur own self who will b confortable around u… and agreeing with "kb" yeah, pople r so concerned with how they look that they actually have no place in their minds to think about how u look like(u as in everybody who reads this) yea, they'll think about u for a sec but thats all the rest is all about them… :/
So… being a smaller size makes me less of a woman? I know what the writer meant, but that's the way it comes off as…
good 4u btw
Playa says:
Sat, 12th Jul 20086:06 am
Sexy maaaaamaaa! WOOOOOOO! I LIKE THEM BOOBIES AND THAT BUTT N I WANNA PIECE OF U!
Playa says:
Wed, 16th Jul 20085:51 am
Ur so HOOOTTT AMANDA!
Kelly T says:
Thu, 24th Jul 200811:47 am
I think it was nice of you to share that.. honestly I am so sick of skinny bitches thinking that they are better than chubby girls… cuz news flash… they aren't! Honesly I could never ever feel comfortable wearing a bikini until I got really skinny like maybe 100 but people like you who can feel comfortable in a bikini have guts and thats motivational! And about the skinny bitches…. I dont mean everyone who is skinny I mean the ones who laugh at chubby girls no matter what!
Playa says:
Fri, 25th Jul 20088:56 pm
I’m hot and heavy for BBWs! AMBER UR A HOT BBW!
Katie says:
Mon, 10th Nov 20088:22 pm
I don't care what someone's body looks like in a bikini, as long as they take care of the bikini line, or other kinds of hairiness. Keep your pubes to yourself, please!
billy b says:
Thu, 8th Jan 200911:20 am
A skinny woman with 6-pack abs does absolutely nothing for me. Totally unsexy. Ditto for all the would-be beauties and their obvious boob jobs.
There's nothing sexier for me (and many other guys as well) than to see a large woman in a bikini.
You are hot!
S. Geldean says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20093:25 pm
WOW!!! You look just marvelous and not a bit too large either for a bikini!!! Just Perfect!!!
Karyn says:
Mon, 26th Jul 20101:09 pm
She looks fabulous! Maybe someday more girls would feel more comfortable with their bodies and not feel so pressured to look so pencil thin. She rocks that suit though, and I think its great!
Gareth says:
Wed, 8th Sep 20108:05 pm
Dam you're a great shape girl!
Kent says:
Tue, 2nd Nov 20104:26 am
I had my heart broken in high school by a girl who was so stressed about her weight that she went into some self destructive behaviors. She was so onsessedwith the stereotyping of our country's thinking that fat girls are losers, she failed to see how much I was falling in love with her.
Beauty is in the heart and soul!
ashley says:
Sat, 29th Jan 201111:22 am
You wearing that bikini gave me hope. I’m 16 and about 180 and wear a size 12 and stand at about 5’9. My best friend is about 5’4 and wears a size 2 and I feel awful compared to her body. But, she said I could bitch or embrace it. Everybody says how pretty I am and I have an amazing body and I guess ill suck it up and go for something a little more daring. Spring break is coming. Guess ill try it.
Bambam says:
Fri, 3rd Jun 201111:15 am
I came across this quite by chance..good for you!! I'm a size six and I have a visible pooch..I've never been confident enough to wear a bikini. Maybe that'll change! You GMH