Top 5 Away Messages That Need to go Away

away.gifI mean, Instant Messenger has been around forever. Remember those days in high school, when you would tell your parents “you just don’t understand!” and then stomp up to your room and begin to IM 20 friends at once, bitching about how your parents just didn’t understand?

Or how about Freshman year in college when you somehow managed to get your crush’s AIM name, and then proceeded to sit over the keyboard for hours, sweating about if IMing him and “just saying hi” would somehow make you a creepy stalker?

If you’re in my generation, you grew up with AIM, just like you grew up with boy bands and obesity. Growing up with AIM means that we’re all too familiar with the “Away Message”, a strange societal habit of TMI. Even though Away Messages tend to vacillate, there are a few that pop up time and time again. Below, we’ve captured the top 5 familiar few.

5) The “Annoyingly In Love While the Rest of the World Suffers Alone” Message:

awaymsg4.gif picture by yosefa

4) The “Feel Free to Stalk Me” Message:

awaymsg2.gif picture by yosefa

3) The “Needlessly Profound” Message:

awaymsg1.gif picture by yosefa

2) The “Random Emo Poetry” Message:

awaymsg5.gif picture by yosefa

1) The “Come On, You’ve Gotta Give Us Something” Message:

awaymsg3.gif picture by yosefa



  1. rose says:

    hahahaha, this was relaly really funny… thanks for the laugh! :)

  2. Tess says:

    i have another one: the 'i am writing this because i want you to feel awkward and sorry for me' message. 'it feels like every step i take with you, you push me two steps backward,' or 'it's not that i can't live without you, it's just that i don't want to.' too much information!

  3. Jordan says:

    SO TRUE. The same goes for Facebook status updates. Horrific.

  4. Lucy says:

    That was awesome and hilarious!

  5. Lucy says:

    P.S. Jessica, you are my favorite writer on here.

  6. hannah says:

    hahahah amazing

  7. sara says:

    Great article! This whole thing is so ridiculously true.

  8. Allison says:


    But as a chronic perpetrator of #5 I have to say, what I hate is when people do IM when I'm Away.

    I am Away! There is a reason! It's because I am not there or do not want to talk!

    When I am present and want to talk, I will not be Away.

  9. Allison says:

    oops…I meant #1.

  10. ElleB says:

    I have had the same "custom" message for 5 years– just bc I agree with Allison and this ALWAYS gets the "that's SO annoying CHANGE it already!" reply when I obviously am not there to respond:

    "Away Message"

  11. mel says:


  12. Carly says:

    heres 1;

    -Hello from the Happy Valley Insane Asylum! We are sorry to announce that the occupant of this screen name is not here right now. They are currently rocking to-and-fro in a straight jacket, in a padded room. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as they have regained sanity. Which may take quite a while, but we hope that you care enough about them to wait

  13. […] to awful Facebook applications (”Send me a drink!”) or people who confuse “your” and “you’re” in a status update; I’m talking about real technology […]

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