I Can Finally Have My Happy Ending

massage.jpgOh man. Wednesdays kill me. Yes, it’s the middle of the week, but it’s only the middle of the week!  2.5 more days to go. And no good drink specials at the bar. What I wouldn’t give for a Boxed-Wine Wednesday right about now.

But wait! There is good news. Finally, something to be excited about on a sad, sad Wednesday morning:

Happy Endings.

Yeah, you read that right. And no, I am not talking about a giant piece of carrot cake (with extra frosting) after a great meal. I am talkin’ about happy endings. You know; the kind that every man dreams of when he goes in for a massage. Those infamous acts that are quite popular in East Asia.

I am talking about ORGASMS, people. Orgasms that you don’t have to get dressed up for. Orgasms that you don’t have to wear heels for. Or work for. Or bat your eyelashes for.

Orgasms you can just….order.

While Happy Endings have been quite popular for men for centuries, they have been hard to come by for the ladies. (Note: Not because women are harder to…happy end?) Perhaps it has always been more taboo for a woman to simply want/need an orgasm (like men), or maybe we could just never find someone who was willing to do it, but spas offering this “service” to women were hard to find.

Not anymore. At least for some lucky bitches in NY. Rumors have been circulating (and confirmed) that there are now spas in NY that (discreetly…you have to ask the right questions) are offering women a special stress relieving package. (Editor’s Note: Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Ayooooo!)

Talk about female empowerment! An orgasm without the work? An orgasm without having to rely on a boyfriend/mate? An orgasm without the stigma of being a whore for going home with someone? The ability to fill an innate need just like men do? These Happy Ending spas may finally close the gaping gender gap that has existed for centuries!

Or, this could just be an awesome way to spend a Saturday at the spa: mani, pedi, facial, O.

Sign. Me. Up.

[Photo courtesy of bestofbanff.com]

11 Comments on "I Can Finally Have My Happy Ending"

  1. Noelle says:
    Wed, 16th Jul 200811:49 am 

    Sign me up!

  2. Kelly - UMass says:
    Wed, 16th Jul 20084:06 pm 

    Frigin’ hilarious Laur…who knew.

  3. Jane says:
    Fri, 18th Jul 200811:10 am 

    Highly Placed Sources covered this topic:

    http://www.highlyplacedsources.com/?s=spa+tension&x=4&y=10

    although it also fails to give a NAME and LOCATION of one of these spas…

  4. Shannon says:
    Sun, 10th Aug 200811:04 pm 

    Hmmm… can’t decide whether I want to get involved or protest.

  5. gregory dykes says:
    Fri, 15th Aug 200810:31 pm 

    i want to meet you

  6. J says:
    Tue, 23rd Sep 200811:53 am 

    ew. i do not want to pay a stranger to give me an orgasm, its not that hard to give myself one..

  7. salman says:
    Sun, 9th Nov 20084:14 pm 

    hi every body how r u hope u r fine well i m salman from pakistan well pakistan iz very beautifull country plz come to my country urgent my cell no iz 0092-321-3962467 thnx a lot

  8. Marc says:
    Thu, 20th Nov 200812:42 am 

    Well – First off – I was fascinated to learn that women are finally not only interested by asking/searching for their happy ending.

    I have been a professional massage therapist for over 10 years. I have a largely female client base, and to date, no issues or problems – and thankfully no complaints. I have always done my best to ensure safe, respectful, and professional conduct for my clients. Over the years I have received many calls from men asking about happy endings or other sexual services – I just refer them to the back of the classifieds in the news paper. But the idea that a woman would be interested is intriguing. While I haven’t been directly asked, I have had clients HINT at it. But since I have been providing professional massage in a shared massage office – I have not considered crossing that line… and under the circumstances, that is not the place to cross that line – so at least up to this point I have always kept my services completely professional.

    In response to your article, I would be open to providing / volunteering to provide the happy ending for my female clients – assuming that (it would not cause me any legal troubles) the woman requesting a happy ending is sure she will be “ok” afterwords, and sure it will not cause any subsequent issues, embarrassment, or cause her to stop being a regular client. I feel and have observed as a nurturing, supportive and compassionate person – that so many women are taken for granted, neglected, over-worked, over-loaded, over-extended, and have given of themselves to the point they are nearly spent mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, energetically. After working a full time job, running a home, caring for children, managing a relationship, tending to aging parents, shopping, taking time for a friend (if there is time for friends), and anything else life throws their way…. Maybe a woman would feel some real benefit from just being able to receive without any reciprocation. Consider it an investment in herself. With all the other things going on, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if there just wasn’t time or energy to masturbate – and even that can be work some times, and I am sure would not provide the same level of feeling offered by a great massage and a happy ending.

  9. nayanara says:
    Sun, 23rd Nov 20082:13 pm 

    Hi there. The best place for girls to find the destination of infinite pleasureis http://www.sextoyville.com

  10. Emilio says:
    Fri, 3rd Jul 200911:31 pm 

    INTERESTING – also I found this great site to help
    http://wackytoys.net/

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