When Crazy Girls Attack

July 20, 2008 - 2:30 pm By Kelly - UMass

Why (oh why) can’t some girls just let some things go?

Take my situation for instance and please, shed some light.

I am in a relationship with a very wonderful guy; we’ve been dating for a little over six months and things are great. Before we met and started dating, my now boyfriend had a semi-relationship with this girl and, to spare humiliation even though she deserves it, let’s just call her Rachel (which is NOT her real name).

Rachel and my boyfriend were “hanging out” (using this term loosely, use your imagination here) for a few months while Rachel was in a serious relationship with someone else. So, she was cheating on her current boyfriend with my now boyfriend, without any regard for anyone’s feelings but her own.

When my boyfriend and I got together, I kept light about the situation, but told him that I did not want to start things with him if things were not finished with her. He broke off whatever affair they were having because he wanted to pursue me. He let her go. She, on the other hand, held on…with a death grip.

Constant phone calls, text messages, showing up places where we were…this girl could not get over the fact that he moved on. He told her off. Then, she felt it necessary to contact me (for what reason, I have no idea). I told her off. She has backed off a bit (I’ve got some fangs on me!), but we’ll see how long that lasts.

My question is this: WHY can this girl not let it go? Why does she feel the need to be that stereotypical selfish – eh hem – tramp, trying to make my relationship more complicated? Why does she have to act this way and make the rest of us ladies look bad? Where is her dignity? Her self worth? Her sanity? (Ok, so I had a lot of questions.)

I am embarassed to be in the same gender category with this “lady”. Am I alone?

Has this ever happened to you CC-ers? Share with me your experiences on how to stop this girl once and for all.

Casey says:
Sun, 20th Jul 20085:50 pm

I’ve got a similar situation. When I was 15 I dated a guy who was 7 years older than me. (yes, that’s a big difference)We had a great connection and amazing chemistry. Unfortunately we had to break up when he went away to college. (I was going into 10th grade he was a junior attending a 4 year university, it would have been to awkward to make that work)We kept in touch and had a couple summer flings but he was there and I was here and we were in different parts of our life. The summer after graduation I was 18 and we had sex for the first time, then we continued to have sex every time we saw each other for 2 years (all the while he had a serious girlfriend who yes, i knew about, but only through facebook stalking, he never told me about her) Finally last winter I got an amazing boyfriend and decided it was finally time to let my first love go, about a month later I found out that he (my ex not the current beau) was engaged. That explained why he had deleted me from his facebook. However he was still calling me when he came into town. I explained to him that I had a boyfriend who I loved and he told me that he thinks about me all the time and no matter how hard he tries he can’t get over me. He calls me about once a week and leaves me a message when i don’t answer. He’s yet to tell me that he’s engaged and when I happen to run into him (i.e. when he comes by my work) he refers to her as his “girlfriend” not his fiance. So I don’t know why he’s doing this, to me , to her, and to himself. If he wanted to be with me he should have tried to make it work and not been with her, and he certainly shouldn’t have gotten engaged.

kay says:
Sun, 20th Jul 20088:46 pm

Yep, something very similar happened to me! I started dating a guy who was ‘hanging out’ with a girl shortly before me. When he broke it off with her, she would not let go, and unfortunately she ended up becoming best friends with my roommate (different room, same apartment). She turned my roommate against me and all year, they reported me to the RA for various things I didn’t do (eating their food, breaking guest code violations, stealing) and I didn’t do much about it except try not to be home at all. Keep in mind, she didn’t even live in the building, but forged a relationship with the building supervisors anyway. I wish I had done something about it because the girl kept trying to confront me (only when my bf was not there– if he was there she would ignore us). One day she tried to get into a fight with me, swung at me, and I slammed the door on her arm (breaking it) and finally had her kicked out of our dorm. She still used to hang around outside the dorm, trying to confront me, even after she was kicked out. Thank god the year ended and I moved out, but this girl….is nuts. The craziest part? She and my bf ‘hung out’ for a total of 2 weeks before they broke up, and they never had sex. (She was ‘against it.’) Yup, against sex, but not against violently intimidating and trying to beat up people. CRAZY.

Beth says:
Mon, 21st Jul 200812:18 am

My boyfriend and I have dated on and off for two and a half years. Last summer we were not together and he was dating another girl. They were together for about a month. In August of last summer my boyfriend and I got back together.

My boyfriend was away when his fraternity had their spring formal in April so one of his brothers offered to take me because he knew I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to attend. The formal that they have is always with their sister sorority of which the ex is a sister of, so of course she was there and with her new boyfriend. Apparently she had been very upset that I was there and called my boyfriend crying and threatening to try and start something with me. At the end of the formal we were getting ready to go when her boyfriend starts talking to me. We had an exchange where he basically called me a slut, to which I responded that I was not, but his girlfriend was. So as I turned to walk away he threw a pitcher of beer on my back. This prompted me to throw what was left in my cup on him, at which point he punched me in the eye. I just don’t know if I will ever encounter someone as crazy as this girl and her boyfriend!

Strawberry Swirl says:
Mon, 21st Jul 200812:25 pm

He punched you in the eye?!?! Please tell me you kicked in hard in the nuts. No guy would ever hit me,unless he had a death wish.

Angelique says:
Mon, 21st Jul 20084:17 pm

I thought my love life was stupid, God bless you Beth. I can’t believe a grown man would attack a woman and then punch her in the eye for being the ex girlfriend of his crazy girlfriend’s ex boyfriend, what the hell. Guys like that should be taken out behind sheds and shot like horses with broken legs, it’s ridiculous.

Sam says:
Wed, 23rd Jul 20088:22 am

The common theme here is not the crazy ex who won’t let go but you people who seem to date people who are still “attached” to someone else. The article first trashes this girl for being selfish etc. Where was the guy’s “morals” for going out with someone in a relationship? Jeez.

Kelly - UMass says:
Wed, 23rd Jul 20089:38 am

I did not claim my boyfriend to be innocent in any way, but he realized the mistake and cut ties to correct his faults. She, however, did not. He is not still “attached” to someone else, despite your assumptions. She was there, when nothing else was and, while I don’t agree in the slightest, its justification as to why a lot of men and women get together with people.

Daria says:
Wed, 15th Apr 200912:48 pm

Has anyone found out a way to get ex’s off your boyfriends back as yet? :S

My boyfriend of just over a year and I live together in his house. He used to be engaged to a girl until she went pretty much psycho and he broke it off, that was a few years ago. She was bothering him when he got together with me, and was saying that she wanted to marry him and still would if he let her.
He wanted none of it. Seriously, he can’t stand her anymore.

Recently she started calling again and was acting civil, but my boyfriend was hesitant to even answer the phone whenever he saw ‘private number’ come up as caller ID. He would talk to her briefly. He doesnt want to get her all worked up again, because she calls more and more when she’s upset or in psycho-mode.

But now she’s continuning saying that she still wants to marry him and wants him back blah blah… How do I get her to stop calling! She appears now and then when we’re out, and she’ll be ever so polite to him, but then when she sees me she snobs me. I’ve actually heard her say that I am ‘nothing but a child’ to her, and that she doesnt care if im bothered by her. My boyfriend has told her off on numerous occasions but she still calls!

What do I do?