The CC Weekly Weigh In: Humiliating Hook Ups

So, last weekend after the utter embarassment of stuffing my thighs and stomach into a pair of too-small boxer shorts, I looked back on the situation and had to laugh. Like, ROFL, laugh. (Ew, did I just use that lingo? I feel like I’m 12.)

By CC Staff

Yes, it made me feel a little hefty next to my Manorexic friend, but that sh*t was funny. And it is only one of many mortifying hook-up stories. Let’s be honest – two drunk and horny people heading home to a dark bedroom is a total recipe for embarassment and hilarity. And it seems I am not alone in this one. This week we asked our writers to contribute their most humiliating hook up stories. These will totally make you LOL.

Elizabeth – Baruch College: I once awoke with a boy (having not remembered how he got to my bed) only for him to tell me: “You’re bleeding everywhere.” Thinking I had gotten my period, I was like, “Oh god, sorry, dude.” But to my surprise, it was my back that was bleeding. During our rampaging sex, apparently, I had fallen onto my computer plug and it impaled my back. I still have the scar. Fact.

Blair – Gettysburg College: My sophomore year me and my boyfriend got. it. on. and then passed out naked on the couch. We woke up awhile later when his roommate and friends came back late-night (with pizza!) and found us in the buff.

Kate Bean: Up until the age of… well… last weekend, I had thought queefing was just a normal side effect of great sex. In the past, guys acknowledge this sex toot with a little chuckle or nod of the head. APPARENTLY not all guys are so familiar with the experience; I actually had a guy glare at me. GLARE! Little did he know, my vagina was glaring right back at him in disappointment.

Noa – CU Boulder: I was hooking up with a guy in my room during a party when one of my roommates decided to give her brother a tour of the house. She didn’t hear an answer when she knocked on my door, so she threw it open, turned on the lights and they both got a nice view of me and this boy naked on my desk.

J – NYU: Post horrendous break-up, I rebounded with a dude who made almost no noise during sex. I kid you not. We’d go at it and then ten minutes later he’d look up at me and be all, “I’m finished”…like he just finished mowing the grass or eating cereal or some sh*t. It was so anticlimactic and weird…I had to stop seeing him.

Sara – NYU: I once had a drunken hookup with a guy I knew through other friends. I went back to his place in Brooklyn and he said he wanted to play some music for me. So he grabs his guitar and takes off his shirt (?!) and I see he has both nipples pierced. Then he proceeds to play the worst rendition of any song every played on his guitar (seriously, I don’t even know what that was). And THEN he goes, let’s listen to music, and he pulls up his playlist on his computer and I see he has every single Britney Spears song every recorded. Let’s just say he didn’t get as lucky as he would have liked.

Kelly – UMass: I was hooking up with this guy once (he was engaged, I was in arelationship = bad scene in general) and we were fooling around in his car. YEP, in his car. When THREE (count it, 1, 2, 3) cop cars pulled up on us. They had a good laugh, talked to the guy and let us go. But I could just imagine if we got arrested, while cheating people and had to call them for bail.

S.E.: Alright, so all of my friends and I went out for my boyfriend’s birthday and returned back to the dorms extremely tipsy. My boyfriend and I start hooking up on his bed and when we are done I left the room to go to the bathroom. When I get back into the room, his roommate is up in bed and staring at us. In our drunken mess we didn’t even realize his roommate was awake and watching us the whole time!

Diana – NYU: The queef heard ’round the world—after gettin’ busy with a guy I was already nervous around, I let loose a queef that would. not. stop. It was like a symphony, following me as I jumped off him and ran across the room, butt nekkid, into the bathroom. Every time I thought I was done, I would take a step and it would start up again. In theory, there’s nothing embarassing about queefs, but holy cow!

Lauren – University of Michigan: There was that one time that I fell asleep on the dude’s chest, only to wake up in a GIANT pool of my own saliva collecting quite nicely in his chest hair….and dripping down the side of his body. Awesome.

K – NYU: I’m going to go with the guy from last summer who–I truly wish I was joking–ANSWERED HIS PHONE mid-hookup, told his buddy that a girl was there, and handed me the phone. Seriously. Without fail I run into the caller on a semi-regular basis and the elephant in the room is that we exchanged hellos as I was hooking up with his friend. Soooo awful.

Mollie – University of Wisconsin – Madison: I fell of the bed just as the cutie I was with was about to kiss me. Like, does that really happen? Yes.

Carla – Hampshire: For a few weeks I hooked up with the president of the guys’ acapella group at my school…I had always thought he was gay, but one night we were hanging out and he attacked me with his lips so I decided maybe he didn‘t like ‘peen.. Flash-forward to us getting it on on his bed one night…and all of a sudden he slows down. He manages to take off my shirt and then…just…falls…alseep. I’m sitting there with no shirt on and the guy is falling asleep?! 6 months later he started dating a dude. Of course.