Comments on: How Far Is Too Far: Planning Your Long Term Relationship

By: Hillary

Hillary — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:40:56 +0000

I had the exact same type of boyfriend for my first.
And a couple of really weird ones after.
But I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 2 years, and he continues to make me the happiest i’ve ever been.
I live in Tennessee and am moving to Oregon for college, it will be a little difficult for the year we are apart until he goes to college, and the thought of ‘what if we break up’ have been in the air, because it’s a scary thought. Neither of us want to lose eachother, and are willing to do whatever it takes to maintain our healthy, happy relationship while I’m away.
The ‘if we’re still together’ question foesn’t usually come up between us, because I know that relationships can be molded however you want them to be. If you want to relationship to work, and both are willing to be together, no matter what may come, you can get through anything.

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:20:15 +0000

I just got home from a road trip with a good friend and she spent a lot of time talking about her boyfriend. They've been together for three months and they have a date chosen for their wedding (in 2011). I think that's a little much. I'd be afraid to think about that kind of stuff, lest I jinx the relationship.

-J (http://killjill.wordpress.com)

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 02:32:24 +0000

I was broken up with on Christmas Eve. While trying to tell him that I loved him. For the first time.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:58:07 +0000

I agree with you that your boyfriend was being unreasonable by getting so upset, but I think next time you should just leave out the, "if we're still together," part because like CC said, it implies to the other person that you'll be breaking up. If you had simply asked him if he wanted to go, he may have said yes and if it turned out that you had broken up when those plans rolled around, then you'd adjust those plans and have a good time without him!

I don't even bother addressing the topic of how long or short my relationships will last. That's not to say that planning for the future is out of the question, but it's better not to attempt to predict the future, or to darken it with thoughts of breaking up.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:50:35 +0000

wow! i'm trying to figure out the exact same thing right now. my girlfriends and i are trying to put a down payment on spring break before september, and now im facing a similar dilema. do i shack up with the girls ? or is it safe to plan 7 months ahead and get a room with the boyfriend …. so funny to read this right now! let us know what you decide

By: CC

CC — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:53:37 +0000

I'm currently in a long distance relationship, but I would never say "If we're still together" because that implies to the other person that you're going to break up. You can't plan a relationship or what happens. And you can wait until as late as December or January to book a spring break trip.

By: karissa

karissa — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:33:23 +0000

"The only long-term relationship I’ve ever had was with a guy who was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything basically, and I thought it was one of those “Oh, we’re going to be together forever” type deals. We were so ’serious’ we had even talked about baby names (I cringe even typing that). Fast forward a year and a half later and we had broken up because I had finally realized what a jealous control freak he was. Not exactly the “forever” scene I had thought of. But I’ll chalk that one up to being 15 and dumb."

wow, you just described my first relationship PERFECTLY. i think you're right, though, things are always subject to change and you don't know who you'll be with in a few months.

By: Jess

Jess — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:54:45 +0000

I'm thinking that totally going and planning your relationship right away is too much. You don't have to be completely hesitant, just enjoy what you have while you have it. The longer you stay together though, like more than a year or two, it's ok to think about the future a little bit.