The Truth About Shark Week

July 28, 2008 - 4:30 pm By mapofrussia

shark191106_468×397.jpgI do not swim in the ocean. This is not because I hate the beach. I mean, I do hate the beach but that hatred has nothing to do with why I don’t swim in the Atlantic or Pacific. I don’t swim in those bodies of water because sharks live in the ocean and sharks eat people.

My fear of being eaten alive by sharks has become so irrational that I cannot swim in a pool alone without thinking of being thrashed about. Of course, the obvious starting point for this fear is Jaws. But lots of people have seen Jaws and can swim in the ocean just fine. For me, the real cause of of my phobia is Discovery’s Shark Week.

I’ve been watching this week long event since I was 14. My parents originally thought that watching the “edutainment” would lead me to realize that my chances are getting attacked and killed by a shark are less then dying in a car accident. To that, I submit two responses…

1)Hah! Propaganda spread by the shark-controlled media.

2) Regardless of chance, I would rather not swim in the ocean then EVER be that .5%.

You think Shark Week is trying to educate you on how misunderstood Sharks are, but if you read between the lines, you will see the truth. Here is a breakdown of one day’s (literally, Monday the 28th) worth of Shark Week shows.

Sharkbite: Surviving Great Whites

People share stories on how they got pieces of themselves eaten by sharks. Title suggests you can survive an attack. The truth? Sharks let these people go to lure you into the water.

Air Jaws: Sharks of South Africa

Show about the beauty and grace of the predator / prey relationship between seals and sharks off the coast of Africa. The Truth? Sharks looking into air (and space) force.

Surviving Sharks

Les Stroud (the Survivorman) suggests ways to avoid getting attacked by sharks and investigates why attacks happen. The Truth? Stroud is a known shark sympathizer and possible shark agent. Maybe he’d like to explain why he worked so hard to cover up his fin removal surgery.

Day of the Shark

Looks at the time of day shark attacks usually happen and suggests times when people can avoid hungry sharks. The Truth? That’s it, everyone into the water at once! Thats just what they want.

Top 5 Eaten Alive

The top five scariest shark encounter stories. The Truth? This is actually a mistake and is a show that is typically broadcast on Shark Only television. It’s title on their station, EatHumans, is “Shark Attack Summer Mixtape.”

I don’t think we should kill sharks. Quite the contrary. I think we should leave them alone, completely, and that includes splashing around on thier lawn.

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8 Comments on "The Truth About Shark Week"

  1. LOCK DOWN THAT SECTO says:
    Mon, 28th Jul 200811:26 pm 

    R BECAUSE SHARKS ARE READY TO ROCK THAT SAW.

    I CALL IN DANGER CLOSE STRIKES EVERY TIME I GO TO THE BEACH LETS SEE A SHARK SURVIVE SOME FUCKING DAISY CUTTERS WHILE I GET MY KNEES ALL OVER THAT SHARKS BALLS>

  2. Heather says:
    Tue, 29th Jul 200812:51 pm 

    actually, the reason the sharks let people go is cause they eat fish, not people, but are blind. they have a keen sense of taste, and when they realize that they havent got the fish they want, they let them go. there are very few documented cases of a shark ever eating anyone, the ones i have heard of dating back to the early 1900s in new jersey (which was the inspiration for jaws). when people die in shark attacks, it is because after the shark tastes you, the little taste can be fatal. they arent trying to lure you into the water lol.

  3. Robet-a says:
    Tue, 29th Jul 20088:47 pm 

    I never get attacked by sharks because as soon as I hear them humm that theme song from “JAWS” I get out of the water

  4. J - NYU says:
    Tue, 29th Jul 20089:11 pm 

    If I was hungry, and I was a shark, and I saw a human within reach, I’d eat him.

    Just sayin’

  5. sara says:
    Tue, 29th Jul 20089:52 pm 

    The fear everyone has of sharks is RIDICULOUS. I go to the beach all the time and was actually about half a mile down from where a teenager got attacked two (or was it three) summers ago. Yes, scary, but the reason he was bit was because he was standing in waist-high water fishing WITH BLOODY BAIT trailing out from his pocket. In my opinion thats just kind of asking for it… I’ve also snorkeled in FL reefs and seen sharks swimming around in their natural habitat. Sharks only attack people because they confuse them for seals or other food, not because they like to eat humans.

  6. Amy says:
    Thu, 31st Jul 200810:27 pm 

    I think what they’re trying to say is that they don’t want to be the one the shark mistakes for a seal… who would?! I love learning about sharks, but I’m definitely freaked out about going in the water with them! It’s not necessarily the omg, they might eat me. It’s more of the omg they might rip my leg off.

  7. Samantha Lambert says:
    Wed, 12th Nov 200811:24 pm 

    Shark attacks are often a case of mistaken identity. On rare occasion, when a shark does bite, it is not because they are hungry. We are not like them, therefore they are curious. They want to explore us, like we want to explore them. Most sharks lack the proper equipment they would need to go after large animals like us, and they know that. Their teeth are ineffective cutting tools and cannot remove something larger then their mouths. They are picky eaters and wont go after something they know they can’t eat. In most cases of shark mistakes, flesh is never removed. The person inevitably ends up back on shore. Even in the odd case when someone does die, it is usually due to blood loss, not because the shark ate the person.

    watch “SHARKWATER” you’ll have a new perspective.

  8. libby says:
    Mon, 17th Aug 20094:20 pm 

    cool topic, he! honestly, what would be so bad bout getting eaten alive by a shrk? i mean, it’s not like it was a pesonal thing or whatever just so happen that a shrk was hungree and i was food. complete consumption HAS happened (teresa cartwrite, shirly ann durdin and linda horton) try selling a pro-sympathetic-save-the-shrk line to these women’s families. o.k over bitching here a bit. well gotta go, got my brand new yellow two piece on and heading out to th ebeach, c’ya later…i hope :/

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