Pillow Talk with Diana: Am I Bi?
Q: I’ve had boyfriend my entire life, but I can’t help feeling attracted to some of my straight girl friends. Am I bi?
A: My instinct is to answer your question with “Maybe. Who cares?” and leave it at that, but I’ll try to do my job and actually advise. That said, I can’t tell you whether or not you’re bi. I think it’s possible that you’re crushing on your female friends because it’s a safe way to explore same-sex attraction—since they’re your friends and they’re straight, the chance of a hookup happening is minute, meaning you can admire/lust from afar.
But I also don’t think a few same-sex crushes necessarily have to mean something, and I hope you don’t feel pressure to immediately define yourself as soon as you catch yourself staring at a chick with a great rack. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I did make a brief jaunt to the other side myself. It was fun, and that was that. When I told a few friends about my tryst, I got a range of responses: amused, disgusted, curious, and shocked. A lot of them asked the question I hadn’t even bothered to ask of myself: “Are you bi?”
The answer? No, not particularly. But who knows, maybe by next month I’ll be marching in gay pride parades wearing flannel and waving a rainbow flag. The point is, I wasn’t interested in dissecting What It Meant, not for me, and certainly not for the benefit of others.
Let yourself be unsure. There’s no deadline to make a decision about how you feel and you’re not required send out a memo to friends and family letting them know that you’re out and proud. So give it time—see if you develop crushes on girls that aren’t close friends. Head to a lesbian bar for a drink and see how you feel. Watch some lesbian porn and see if it’s something you might want to try. Explore your attraction in a way that’s comfortable for you, within your boundaries, and on your own timeline.
Got a sex woe? In need of advice, tips, or how-tos? Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and look out for an answer next week on CollegeCandy!