Remember When a Blackberry Was Just Another Fruit?

I’m always a step behind on the latest phone trend. By the time I got a rotary phone in my bedroom, everyone was already onto their cellphones, and by the time I made the jump to cellphones, everyone was already trading up for a flip phone. So it came as no surprise to me that when I finally got a camera phone, the iPhone had come out and BlackBerrys became more ubiquitous than see-through-white-dresses in the summertime.

But it wasn’t until this past summer living in New York City that I truly felt uncomfortable using my cell phone in public. The phone that I had once bragged about because it fit into my clutch was now making me feel as if I was using Zack Morris’s mega phone. People stared at me when I texted and expressed shock and awe that I still used only 9 keys to construct a sentence.

The look I got when I flipped my phone open the other day was the look I gave to my grandmother when she attempted to use her scanner to send an e-mail.

I can’t deny the jealousy. I admit that having the internet on your phone is insanely useful; whenever I’ve gotten lost somewhere, its a friend’s BlackBerry that got me home (not my phone’s tip calculator). And, sure, I’ve gotten frustrated when my T9 brutalized a word so badly that my text ended a friendship. I’ve eyed those keyboards and mouses and wished that my phone, too, could serve as a hand-held laptop.

But, at the same time, I wonder: who are these people always talking to? I mean, obviously when I see people in their business suits I know they are conducting world-changing business, one BBM at a time. However, I can’t fathom what the 13 teen year old girl with the bright pink BlackBerry is talking about as she swings her Hannah Montana backpack onto her shoulders.

Is she changing her orthodontist appointment because she had an urgent meeting with the Rabbi to discuss Bat Mitzvah themes?

Is she telling her friend about another friend who hooked up with that friend even though he was with that other other friend?

What is so urgent that she had to have a BlackBerry and can’t communicate through a basic text messaging phone?

I’m up for a phone upgrade next month and I’m already stressing about what to get. I know that no matter what I get, it won’t be cool enough to brag about. So, I’m thinking I’ll skip the stress, go old school and just buy the most high-tech beeper a non-paid internship salary can buy.