A Girl’s Trip to the Gyno: Even if it’s Embarrassing, Tell the Truth

patient-at-gynecologist-examination-thumb985204.jpgSo the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I?

Even though going through the gyno’s checklist can be embarrassing and eye-opening in the worst way, I suppose it’s important and necessary. I also suppose laughing about using condoms because you haven’t slept with anyone recently is better than crying because you have slept with people…and didn’t use them. And, I mean, if there’s anyone we need to be truly honest with, it’s our gyno, because they’re trained to answer these questions and there’s nothing in your vadge they haven’t seen before.

Okay, so next time, I won’t cut the time I’ve had sex in half. Hopefully, I won’t have to…but no matter what the case may be, being straight with your doc is the only way to keep yourself healthy and safe. It can be embarrassing, but after reading this article, hopefully you can rest assured that you’re not the only one who dreads answering the questions, has a hard time “relaxing” when that metal torture device goes where no metal device should go, and sprinkles a little baby powder before the visit…just to make things a little…fresher.

What? That last one is just me?



    1. I HATE having to talk about sex history with my prehistoric gyno! But I'd hate to be one of those girls who breaks down in tears because of all the sluttery she has participated in.

    2. Casey says:

      Why is it so shameful to not be having sex? Is it imperative that to be a "strong woman" that you also have to be a slut? I'm sorry, I don't usually have an issue with "hooking up" or "random sex" but the writers on this site make it sound like to be a strong "liberated" woman you have to be having sex every night.

      Sex is great, but there is more to life, and being a woman, then just hooking up, and boys.

    3. michelle says:

      first of all, this is great. sounds exactly like something i would write.

      and second, dude casey right on. whats wrong with having some morals? i'm not ashamed in the least that i can keep it in my pants.

      strong woman should not equal slut.

    4. Erin says:

      She probably cut the number you told her in half!

    5. Olua - Washington Co says:

      Casey, I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm always confused when my friends brag about the past week's sexual conquests (okay, I still kind of am). Personally, I have not had sex in years, don't plan on having it anytime soon, and could really care less. But I do understand both sides of the argument.

      I think what a lot of my girls here at CC are trying to say is not that being free with your sexuality is the only way to make you a strong woman, cuz that's far from the truth. But girls who have this outlook aren't less of a woman because of it, which lots of people think. Yeah, sex in the grand scheme of life really ain't all that important when you look at it. But having a – let's call it a "varied" sex life doesn't stop you from experiencing life period, y'know?

      (I'm sorry if that didn't make any sense; it's almost three in the morning and I can't sleep…)

    6. ela says:

      when i was younger i was so influenced by cosmo, mtv and seventeen mag (and other junk) that i thought sex was something that should be like…washing your hands- liberating, frequent and clean. i was way too young to be taking 'sex tips' and now i regret a lot of my 'experimentation'.

      looking back, most of those dudes (ok there aren't THAT many) i wouldn't even look twice at now. i'm not against women taking control of their sex lives, but one night stands and emotionless random sex may be what you want now…but later you might look back at your actions in disgust.

      just sayin…think before you hook up- sometimes we hook up for other (read:wrong) reasons but justify our actions with 'i'm a woman and i want an orgasam and the world says its ok!'

    7. ela says:

      and another thing: how many of those past random hook ups were worth it? i mean honestly…mind blowing orgasmic insanity that made you feel like a million bucks afterward.

      i can't think of one.

      to clarify: that's what i meant by looking back regretfully or being disgusted. it shouldn't take a gyn apt to make us rethink our sex habits just bc we're embarrassed to tell the truth, it should be more of a preventative feeling we have BEFORE the deed. why aren't they writing about that in cosmo…instead of urging us to stick our finger up your boyfriend's butt?

    8. Carla - Hampshire says:

      I actually DON'T sleep around. I'm not into that…and most of my past transgressions are almost regrettable. I was depressed that my sex life was low because that means there hasn't been a quality guy in my life for a lonnnng time.

      So it's more embarrassing that I can't seem to find someone who's cool, rather than a 'peen to jump.

    9. Casey says:

      ela, I agree, I look back on my sexual past now (and there aren't that many partners for me either)and I feel disgusted, I wanted it then, and yeah had some great orgasms, but now when I think about it I just feel dirty. Very few of those guys were worth my time, and when I think of the kind of people they are and what I did I just feel like vomiting. I've learned that random sex is satisfying in the moment, but in the long run, totally not worth it!

      And Carla, sorry if my comment offended you, when all the articles on here are about sex it's hard to remember which writers are the random hookup ones and which aren't. Lumping your article with all the others it sounded like the same mindless dribble (women thinking with their vag and not their brain) that we always read. But thanks for the explanation I see where you're coming from now.

    10. Carla I understand exactly where you're coming from. It's been a long time since I've had a decent guy in my life and it is soooooo hard dealing with that when everyone around me seems to have very little trouble finding someone. Sometimes I think about having a random hookup but then I think to myself "Is he REALLY worth it?". I may not have a problem with premarital sex but I still value my body and who I wanna share it with.

    11. Heather says:

      people stop calling the author a slut just cause she wants to have sex. jesus christ, can we get beyond this double standard for once?

      ive been reading and commenting on this blog for a while now, and every other sex article i read, casey is constantly calling people sluts. i think she really has some issues with what OTHER WOMEN do with THEIR bodies.

      but yeah i hate answering these questions, i know the doc is doing her job but it gets kind of annoying to me since ive been with the same person almost 4 years, and she still asks the condom question. it just seems like its getting very irrelevant now.

    12. Christine says:

      I think one part of being a strong woman means accepting the fact that what other people decide to do with their bodies is their business. If they decide to share, good for them. But we have no right to start wagging our finger because we have no business telling them how to run their life. If someone wants to have a lot of sex, more power to them. And if someone wants to be celibate, more power to them.

      I don't give a rats ass what someone else does with their life. If a woman who is comfortable with herself and comfortable sharing, then I have respect for her. It's hard to feel strong when you have so many people bashing you left and right.

      So please, next time you decide to start wagging your finger and judging people because you don't agree, don't. It just makes you look ridiculous and petty.

      As for the POINT of the article, it's very important to be up front with your gyno. Otherwise they can't give you the proper examination or suggestions.

    13. ela says:

      i don't think casey outright called the writer a slut…that would be pretty immature anyway. she's just saying that these days girls are feeling pressure to be 'hot' 'sexy' and all this sexification in some words equals 'sexually promiscuous'. And frankly sometimes it’s outright encouraged. Look at the media…and the way college promiscuity has become a social norm and a joke in pop culture. Young pregnant girls, ¼ young teens have stds that’s even BEFORE college.

      The way all this ties in is: the feelings of embarrassment or regret we feel at the gyno…and how it shouldn’t take a yearly exam to slap you into reality that you’ve been maybe overly promiscuous. Especially being drunk and hooking up makes you forget what you do, until that time when the doctor opens up his file and goes down the list. It shouldn’t be the only time we rethink out sex habits.

    14. Casey says:

      I don't "constantly call people sluts" I question the fact that sex is pushed so heavily on this site. I've said before, sex is great, sharing with random people (and by this I don't mean online, I mean in inappropriate places with people you don't know, and can only judge your character by, well, your character) and making it seem like it's the most important thing.

      We wonder why young girls are getting pregnant and getting STD's and why girls like Miley Cyrus are turning into "sluts" and being overly sexual for their age, it's because young girls look up to the college aged women, if women like us are making sex this all important issue then the younger girls are going to want to partake as well, DUH! And I'm not just blaming CC, it's magazines and the media as well. Sex used to be a private issue, and when it was there were far fewer little girls getting pregnant and getting STD's. Why is sex so publicized now? Why is it now ok to talk about it where ever to whoever? If you're not sharing then no one can call you a slut, and little girls (who are to young to have gotten a proper sexual education, and who don't understand protection) will not be thinking it's cool to go whore around and get pregnant and get STD's before highschool.

      Before you point fingers calling me he bad person, look at the other side.

      And I did not call the writer a slut, and apologized for any misunderstanding.

    15. Casey says:

      oh and yes I do have issues with what other people do with their bodies when it negatively impacts society. You wonder why the world is so screwed up today, it's because people think they have a RIGHT to do whatever they damn well please. There have to be some rules, some boundaries, some order.

    16. ela says:

      wait till casey gets a load of this:

    17. Heather says:

      people do have a right to do whatever they damn please – provided they dont hurt anyone (our laws) – and i also never called you a bad person, for the record, i just disagreed with you. i dont know you, i only know your comments and just because i disagree with people doesnt mean that i hate them. i just took notice of the pattern in your comments that whenever there is a sex article on this website, it seems the "s-word" quickly comes up, a word that is used only for women.

      which is why i have a book for you, if you choose to read it… or anyone else for that matter, its very good… the book is called slut, by leora tanenbaum. im reading it currently, and its changed the way i look at everything. i got it at barnes n noble.

      i think the fact that sex is more publicized can only help us, however. sex education is very poor, i learned nothing about STDs when i was in high school. i also had a catholic upbringing that made me think that sex was the devil, and seeing the sex articles on this website – which openly talked about it – is extremely good to me. so while we may have images of miley cyrus in the media, its very important that we keep up the positive sexual discussion, on our level, not the media's, and remember that what we see on television isn't us.

      id like to also make a note that i dont come onto this website to agree with everyone – i come to agree and disagree, and id hope that you all do the same. i am not "wagging my finger and judging people" – im disagreeing with their ideas.

    18. Casey says:

      I’m all for better sex education. What I’m not for is making sex seem like this all great thing that everyone is doing and if you’re not partaking in then there must be something wrong with you (i.e you’re too ugly, fat, stupid to get any, which also lowers self esteem and causes more problems) which is the way it is portrayed.

      I don’t reserve the “S word” for merely women, men are capapble of being sluts just like women are, this isn’t a gender issue with me, personally I have an issue with the moral aspect of it. What are we teaching the young of today? Look at the young today and the young we used to be, or before us, society is greatly declining. I had a 7 year old try to stick his hand up my shirt when I was 15, that is sad. I look around at all the elementary school kids having “lipstick parties” (which if you don’t know are where each girl wears a different color lipstick and they see who can go further down on a guys cock, in elementary school!) they have banned plastic bracelets in the elementary schools where i’m from because they have “sexual meanings” and if a guy breaks one off of a certain color the girl is supposed to do whatever that color symbolizes to that guy.

      These things are not healthy, we didn’t have to worry about things like this growing up (well at least not where I was from) and there weren’t these problems in the past. There are ratings on movies and television shows for a reason, yet parents blatantly avoid them, spurring new generations of these messed up kids. I was in blockbuster the other day and a girl couldn’t have been older than 5 ran over and picked up Halloween and started asking her mom if she could get it and then she flipped it over and looked at the back and said “is that Michael Myers mom!” “I want to see the part where he kills his family!” I just stopped in horror at this little girl. 5 years old wanting to watch a horror movie that she already know way to much about and finding something enjoyable about watching a kid brutally murder his own family. And then what shocked me even more is the mother said “ok”. I look at my friends who were allowed to watch things before they hit the proper age and those who weren’t and there is an obvious difference in their characters.

      I don’t judge people on this site, I can’t, I don’t know enough about them, and I don’t pass judgment on people I don’t know well. I disagree with the way they live or present themselves and I voice my disagreement, sorry that offends you so much, but hopefully you can see where I’m coming from being surrounded daily by events like these.

    19. Heather says:

      well its good you see i dont think youre a bad person heh. i had those bracelets in school though, but we didnt actually do anything if a guy broke them off. it was more like a joke. i dont really like what is in the media either, but i try to not connect it to my life and what i do, cause i dont feel its a fair representation of who we all really are. i think a lot of these cases you talk about in the media happened, but probably not as much as the media makes it out to be… tv stations make their money by scaring people so they watch the news again tomorrow night.

    20. Casey says:

      Well it's good to see you don't think I am, just two people with opposing view points. But I've been through way too much in my life to not relate these things to my life, or see them every day. I've been raped, molested, sexually harassed, and on top of it ridiculed at school for it, all before I was 15. I had m first gyno appointment at age thirteen. You think they're hard to handle in you 20's trying to tell a doctor how many partners you've had, try telling the doctor at age thirteen that you've been with 2 people (unwillingly) while your mother is standing in the room (who's been telling you your whole life sex before marriage is a bad thing). THAT is hard.

      I thought these things didn't happen that often either, but about 3/4's of the girls I've talked to have also been raped. Every single person I know, know's someone who's been raped. It's not that uncommon. And it is scary.

    21. Heather says:

      yeah, i agree. i was never raped, but both my mother and i almost were, she was physically grabbed while in my case i was able to pretend to be interested, talk my way out of it, and run once i got to where people were.

      i think the reason, though, is that masculinity in our culture is often associated with violence. in other words, its not a culture of sex, but a culture which meshes sex with violence that produces such results. Perhaps the best example i can think of this, is when in a movie a woman gets raped but they make the sex scene erotic (the reason i boycott any movie with a rape scene in it… i refuse to give my money to something that i think will get people hurt). 1 in 4 is the current rate of rapes last time i checked, when they weigh in how many go unreported. most women get raped by an aquaintence, which is probably the reason its unreported. i mean, in the book i just told you about, women talked about being raped and how no one would believe them because they were dating the person, etc. i think its safe to assume that this is one of the reasons this violent crime continues in such high numbers.

      that is extremely hard though, to go through something like that, and i think its brave of you to be able to put it on this site (i mean i know its the internet, but im sure its still hard to talk about).

    22. Belle says:

      It's dangerous to mesh rape, overly sexualized children and openness about sexuality into one issue. Certainly, these things are related, I just feel like people conflate them too often.

      In terms of children being sexualized too early I think the biggest factor in it is a lack of parental/adult supervision. This does much more harm than the fact that discussion of sex and sexuality is more public these days. If parents were there, children wouldn't be exposed to this stuff and misinterpret its significance. I don't think the answer is to avoid discussion of sex altogether – it just has to be done appropriately and at the right time.

      And it definitely isn't ok to tell other people what to do with their own bodies in the privacy of their own homes. Maybe this isn't what Casey is trying to do, but it is how it is coming across to me…

    23. Casey says:

      Heather, no, that was not directed at you, just anyone in general.

      and belle I agree with you completely. It is the parents fault, that's what I was trying to get at. and I didn't say we shouldn't talk about sex, I was saying it should be done appropriately and in the right place. And I don't care what people do in the privacy of their own homes as long as it's not going to taint the rest of society. And talking about what you do in the privacy of your own home in the wrong places and inappropriately is what causes problems. Keep your business where it belongs is all I'm saying.

    24. Casey says:

      whoops the comment to heather was to go to another thread not this one. Got confused where I was lol.

    25. Courtney says:

      i just don't understand why sex is looked at as such a horrible thing. it's what creates life – all of it. its natural and beautiful (if equally consented of course). It does't hurt when we have orgasms does it? what does that tell you? in my opinon, sex is just a (usually) great act that is blown way out of proportion but religious freaks and the media. im sick of people saying a girl has low-self esteem if she sleeps with half the football team. yes, the girl has loose morals (among other loose things) but it doesnt make her a sad, depressed person. she could simply be down for some hott, uninhibited sex with a hott jock, or did one too many keg stands and her friends suck at being watch dogs. as long as you are safe about it, i think sex can be had and spoken of as much or as little as someone wants. this doesnt come down to morals or promiscuity or celibacy. it comes down to health and safety. that should be the ONLY thing to be concerned about when dealing with a subject like this (and the initial topic of the article) and before anyone passes judgement.. i have had sex with 1 person in my life – my amazing boyfriend of 4 years and was molested as a child. i was thankfully able to block it out of my head and really havent given it much though since. i could have easily sworn off sex or flinch every time my boyfriend touches me, but i was determined not to let some pathetic suckbag rob me of something that was supposed to make my life even better and connect me with someone i truly love.

      heather and casey – i agree with both of you about different things. but children and sex in the media is a whole other messy category that could be discussed and disected forever. and it does all come down to parents. unfortunately, not all girls have parents that ease them into puberty and the awkwardness and decisions that come along with it.

    26. Casey says:

      Sex is a wonderful thing, but I think it should also be a private thing, left between the two people having it. I don’t need to know that someone has slept with the entire football team, or two brothers at the same time, or a guy and then his best friend, or her boyfriends hot dad. Moral or not I don’t want or need to know. I don’t think girls talk about these things because they feel good about themselves. I think they talk about them to get attention, negative or positive, I think they just want the attention, they want other girls to envy them and what they have (or get), and the experiences they have. Because sex is such a wonderful thing, and it is talked up so much people want to do it, A LOT. And the girl that does it the most wants other people to know she’s doing it the most. At least this is how it was for my high school, I knew these girls, they were my friends, and I knew what drove them to sleep around. And it wasn’t healthy, even if they were being safe, the reasons they were sleeping around were not because they enjoyed sex (that was just a little added bonus) and the reasons they talked about it were, well, I’m not sure there is a reason to talk about your sex life except to brag or because someone asks and genuinely wants to hear about it.

      My best friend all though high school, I knew her and her family(s) very well. She was your typical high school “slut” she slept with half the football team, had threesomes with brothers and best friends, etc, and went after any guy she could find. But it wasn’t because she enjoyed sex. She was the oldest of 3 in 2 families. Her parents had her then got divorced, then each started a family with someone else. She had 2 little brothers from her dads family and to little sisters from her moms family. And since she wasn’t really a part of either of these families, but rather a non-existent past family, she got very little attention from her parents and never felt fully included since she was always being bounced between one family and the other. So she turned to guys and started having sex so she could feel loved. And that happens a lot now a days. Since divorce is a more common thing a lot of girls find themselves in this situation.

      other girls that had been raped, like me, started sleeping around and having one night sands so we could feel like we were the ones “using” someone. Also not a healthy reason to be having sex. My other best friends mom died and she started having sex to rebel and try to numb the pain.

      I could go on and on with scenarios that I’ve encountered personally. but my point is, if a girl is sleeping around, and then blabbing about it, then maybe there is a little more going on then just the fact that she “enjoys sex” because you can enjoy sex with just one person, and without telling everyone about it.

      But maybe I’m wrong. I dunno.

    27. Random Guy says:

      Casey, please realize when you start off by typing "I think sex is great" in the beginning of every post and then follow with "but" we can ignore what you just said and read what comes after but because that is what you really mean. You clearly want to be supportive for sexual freedom, but how can you call Miley Cyrus a slut knowing only that she posed in a Vogue photo shoot- that's fcked up. Of course some girls who have lots of sex have emotional problems; so do guys who have lots of sex and so does everyone else. You clearly believe if someone is not in-love then any sex they have is likely unhealthy. Give me a break, if low confidence is someone's problem, then sex is not going to cure it, but afterwards you will feel a hell of a lot better and more confident than when you stay home and masturbate by yourself for 2 straight years.

    28. Casey says:

      "Sluts" was in quotes, I didn't call her one, America is (hence the quotes) and no, she hasn't only posed in vogue (I don't even know why that photo shoot was an issue) plenty of risque photos that she's taken of herself in her underwear and in the shower have been leaked to the media. And I didn't say anything about being in love, I just think many people have sex for the wrong reasons, and that usually (not always) leads to regrets and more poor decisions and lower self esteem. Sex is not a cure for confidence, or low- self esteem.

      When I look back on the random hook-ups I had, thinking it was me being "confident" I'm pretty disgusted with myself, and the fact that I shared my body with people I barely knew, honestly I feel worse about that then I do about being raped by someone I did know. I know so many girls who feel this way, and I'm sure many readers on here can relate to this. If you do it with no regrets then fine, but you never know when or if those regrets are going to settle in. They didn't with me until I found someone I was in love with and for many of the writers on this site who have random hookups they've made it clear they're not in a relationships and haven't found that someone yet, so maybe they don't have regrets yet, and maybe they wont, but this is how it's happened for plenty of women.

      I don't have regrets about the sex I had in past relationships, I only have regrets about the one night stands I had the random hook-ups with people I didn't really know. It just makes me feel dirty. But I can't speak for everyone else.

    29. dd120149 says:

      Christine says, "…I think one part of being a strong woman means accepting the fact that what other people decide to do with their bodies is their business. If they decide to share, good for them. But we have no right to start wagging our finger because we have no business telling them how to run their life. If someone wants to have a lot of sex, more power to them.

      While the prevailing thinking agrees with the reasoning above I wonder what happens when such random happenings end up badly…such as an unwanted pregnancy, a nasty STD or worst of all HIV/AIDS? Your right to complete freedom of sexual activities should leave society with no responsibility to treat your resulting condition with society revenues.

    30. Courtney says:

      i think divorce is a very lame excuse to start having one night stands. my parents went through one of the nastiest divorces i have ever seen and started lives with two other people and ive had to balance my life the best i could between my 2 new families. that helped me grow, understand my parents wants and needs more, and understand that marriage isnt forever. it never sparked any sexual behaviors or motivation to seek love and attention from a stranger. if i hooked up with someone in the past and regretted it, guaranteed alcohol played a huge role and it was a learning experience. in fact, i usually roll my eyes when someone acts like its the end of the world when their parents get divorced. yes – it is so extremely painful, but life does get much worse. and i can't allow myself to feel so remorseful for something that made my parents more peaceful.

      i dont mind when my friends talk to me about sex, their concerns or problems they are having, or even funny/rebellious stories they know i will laugh at. i honest and truly think everyone should have as much fun as they want as long as they are SAFE. if you dont want to hear other people talking about sex, don't surround yourself with people that do, and don't reply to articles pertaining to the matter.

    31. Casey says:

      well good for you for being stronger then most of the world, not everyone can see it that way, and it's ignorant of you to think that just because you can deal with it, everyone else can.

      I don't mind talking to my FRIENDS about sex, it's the people I don't know that bothers me. And I can't choose the people I work with or have classes with, so It's hard to choose the people that I'm around daily. Why don't you look beyond your own experiences and realize that other people's lives may be a bit trickier than yours.

    32. Courtney says:

      Why don't you stop making yourself out to be the victim in general? My life has been damn hard but I have gotten to where I am because of optimism and patience. Two things I feel that you lack in regards to "slutty girls" and promiscuity. I've agreed with a lot of what you had to say but now this is just old and my opinions remain unswayed.

    33. Casey says:

      i'm not simply talking about myself. i'm talking about the countless girls in this country who are making poor unhealthy decisions. you attacked me first so don't get your panties in a wad when I strike a comeback.

    34. Courtney says:

      thats amusing because i dont have my "panties in a wad" if you cannot tell, i'm very patient and relaxed 99% of the time. i was simply playing devil's advocate in this post because i felt like you had some waking up to do. other than that, i feel like you and i see eye to eye on many other issues on this site.

    35. gizmogurlie says:

      Okay whats wrong with saving yourself for marriage because you are a christian just like I am?

      Sorry but I had to jump in here after reading that religious freaks comment. Not only because of christianity but morals as well. I grew up being taught that I shouldn't have sex until I'm married. My parents did put limits on movies, tv and video games and I fully did not understand sex until I was around sixteen and by the time that sunk in. I already made the desicion to abstain until marriage

      I'm 22 now and still going strong on my vow. Im not here to judge but I just wanted to say that I don't consider myself a religious freak for thinking that.

    36. Gobo says:

      Women stop acting like attention whores when they lose their market value and can no longer attracted the thugs. Then they unload their drama and chaos to the guys they rejected when they were younger expecting them to clean up the mess.

    37. andrea says:

      funnily enough, i wanted to cry after my first visit to the gynocologist because the doctor didn't seem to believe that i hadn't had sex up until about a week ago. sure, i was a bit old (23), but the way this man reacted was so upsetting. he quickly looked at my file to check my age and had to reconfirm what i said to be sure he understood. he then proceeded to treat me as if i was mildly retarded, and, to top it off, i was actually concerned about a variety of things while he was more concerned with the fact that some guy hadn't nailed me earlier. i felt ten times more awkward and horrible with the damn doctor than my boyfriend. opposite problem, but definitely not any easier.

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