Tips For Long-Termers

I have been in a relationship for over 4 1/4 years. I mean, with one guy.

That’s right: I have gone out with, made out with, slept with only one man since I was 19 (before that…well, let’s not go there). And we’ve lived together since I was 21.

I mean, it sounds kind of lame. One guy over and over for most of my adult formative years…how could I possibly have time to grow as a person? Easy–by following these simple (and unspoken) rules:

(1) Don’t merge personalities

You know those couples who are attached at the hip? Don’t be that couple.

First of all, everyone else hates them.

But, more importantly, it kind of limits your ability to become a person on your own terms. For sure, do lots of things together. But do some things apart, too. Don’t let either one of you have all the control in the relationship, and certainly don’t spend all of your time lounging on the couch and doing nothing year after year.

Frankly, those kinds of relationships end in breakup… or homicide.

(2) Don’t overtalk your relationship

Which is not to say don’t ever talk about your relationship. Talk about it when something needs to be discussed. Don’t talk about it just to talk about it. Believe me, that gets reallllll old after the first year or so.

If you’re in a good long-term relationship, things tend to reveal themselves. There’s no need to hit each other over the head with it.

(3) Jealousy is a killer

If either of you is getting too jealous, something is wrong.

With time should come trust. But if you sense something is wrong, take a step back and try to look at it logically, objectively. If it genuinely seems like something is wrong, it really might be. Which means it’s time to move on.

But if you find that either one of you is constantly jealous and no one’s actually doing anything wrong, I recommend ending the relationship. The more time you invest in a toxic relationship, the less time you have to find yourself as a person–and to find a better partner.

(4) Don’t make marriage into something weird

The M-word becomes awkward at a certain point in a long-term relationship. For a long time, it was completely taboo in our apartment.

But it’s best just to let it be a possibility and not make a big deal about it. If it happens, it happens; if not, you’ll both find someone new. Enjoy the moment and don’t make it about a future you’re forcing to happen.

(5) Be excellent to each other

Yeah, B&T.

But, anyway, yeah. For real. The real key in a long-term relationship is to respect each other and to *gasp* genuinely enjoy one another’s company.

My boyfriend is my best friend in the world. We tell each other everything. We make each other laugh many times every day. We support each other when something goes wrong. He is absolutely the closest friend and most important lover I’ve ever had.

And, after 4 1/4 years, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Image courtesy of img.dailymail.co.uk]