5 People You Don’t Want At Your Next Party

Party poopers have been around since the invention of cake. Even at your seventh birthday party I can bet you had a few of em’. They were the kids that stuck their hands in your cake and popped your balloons. They were the children that took all the piñata candy and whined that you got presents and they didn’t.

These kids have since grown up, but have still not grown out of their party pooping ways. Here are a few classic examples of people to keep off the guest list at your next soiree.

- The Drunk Dialer: Everyone makes drunk dials. They are often regrettable, foolish mistakes that we wish we could take back; but for some people, one or two are not enough. Some people seriously spend an entire party going through their phone book; calling exes, third cousins and coworkers. Not only are they loud and obnoxious on the phone, but they also seem to think everyone shares their enthusiasm for calling their kindergarten best friend and will shout, “OMG guys! You should totally talk to Ed too!” Parties are not the time for forty drunk dials, save it for the walk home.

- The Rule Snubber: Sure, some rules are meant to be broken, but who likes to play games with people that selfishly snub all of them? Ever played quarters with someone that grabs everyone else’s coins when they are losing? How about someone who keeps drawing cards in Kings until they get one they like? Nobody likes someone that cheats in beruit or flip-cup. Cheaters are only funny for about a minute- Play the game right or don’t play at all!

- The Out of Control Fool: We are all entitled to our ridiculous night, but some people are always the ones that break things. There are certain guests that just do not know their limits and, therefore, are prone to knocking over tables topped with drinks (drinks that end up on your carpet and new white dress and shoes and, umm, are they going to pay for your dry cleaning?). Some people are just constant spillers and vomiters and never seem to learn their lesson. These party-goers don’t realize that seizure-like-arm-flinging dancing leads to broken lamps. I even know some people that have put more than a few holes in various walls. Not a fun mess to clean up/ plaster in the morning.

- The Guests with the Entourage: Entourages are great if you are having a blow-out, but for any smaller party entourages are an unwanted burden. Some people are just not satisfied with the already present crowd. They then get on the phone and tell everyone they have ever met where you live, how to get there, and yes, of course, there is free booze! Not cool. Their freshman year roommate’s brother’s friend probably doesn’t need to join the festivities.

- The Debbie Downer: Umm why don’t people just mope in their own homes? Parties are for fun, not for Debbie Downers to bring others down to their miz level. Sorry if they’re having a bad day/week/are constantly unpleasant, but this isn’t the time or the place. It’s fine to be upset, but they probably shouldn’t be out in the first place and definitely don’t need to try to make all the awesome partiers have a bad night.

Did I leave anyone out?