He Said/She Said: Sex with an Ex
You know it’s wrong, but when you see your ex across the room for the first time since the big breakup/clothing exchange, rollin’ around in the sheets seems like the best idea in the world. You convince yourself that it will be fun, just this once, and that you both know what the deal is so there is nothing to lose.
But there is. And even the dudes agree.
If you are considering Ex Sex, read on. No one – male or female – thinks it’s a smart move. And trust us; we too thought it was brilliant at one point, but we learned our lesson and you should learn from it too.
When you first break up, hooking up with your ex seems like the best thing possible, a naughty glimmer of hope in a dark sea of suckitude. What was your stupid girlfriend suddenly blooms into a beacon of sexiness. She dresses better, smiles more, never grills you about hanging out with your boys, doesn’t complain about what you’re wearing–even her boobs look bigger! It’s like breaking up was exactly what your mutual sex life—and your relationship–needed.
But it’s a trap.
A number of outcomes are likely. First, if it lasts more than a couple of hot nights, you soon fall back into the same, frustrating routines. Instead of just hooking up, you’re going to dinner with her grandma and shopping for crap you don’t care about. The arguing starts, and she’s once again lost that certain something. Basically, you’re back together-whether you admit it or not–and it sucks just as much as it did in the first place.
Another highly possible scenario is that one of you takes the sex to mean more than just sex, and the other is just doing it until something better comes along. Now, instead of just having fun, you’re dealing with jealously and emotional pain–yours or hers, which isn’t fun in anyone’s book, and exactly what you were hoping to avoid.
In the end, whether to do it or not simply depends on how much you want to keep getting laid–because that’s all ex-sex should be about, sex. Anything more is just the sucky relationship you already ended. To make sure this doesn’t happen, keep it to one night, and one night only. Give her all you’ve got, and leave her with a final memory of you that’s better than all the bad sh*t about you she remembers from your relationship.
Ah. Ex Sex. I did it once…and it lasted a year. What started as a drunken romp during a mini college reunion turned into a pattern, which turned into an expectation. The first time it was fine – fun, even. We knew each other – likes/dislikes, bodies, hot spots – unlike anyone else, so the sex was f-ing amazing.
When it was over and our breathing returned to normal, we sorta laughed it off. You know, “Wow, where did that come from?” and, “That was fun!” But after it happened again (and again), the situation wasn’t funny anymore.
There was serious jealousy paired with the expectation that every night would end like that first time. No matter where we were – together or not – the evening would end in the same way. And if it didn’t? Well, that was where the fighting would begin.
I finally realized that all that sleeping with my ex was not only turning into the relationship I had nixed the year before, but it was preventing me from finding a new one. Whenever I did make it out on the town by myself (which had become a rarity), I was unable to flirt it up with other guys because my ex was constantly on my mind. I was afraid to ruffle any feathers or hurt his feelings.
Just like my homeboy above, I think ex sex is a terrible idea. It seems like perfection in theory (especially when you aren’t gettin’ the frequent booty), but it ends up coming back to haunt you in the end. If you have an urge, take care of it yourself; sexin’ with the ex is a definite no-no.
[Photo courtesy of cinema.com]