College Candy

Katie Holmes seems to spend her life in a constant state of grim understanding: she’s married to Tom Cruise whether she likes it or not, Tom Cruise is weird and removed from reality, Tom Cruise does not want her to be more famous than him so he uses his Scientology mind powers to render everything she touches unsuccessful, Tom Cruise’s first batch of kids look to her for help because their adoptive dad has completely forgotten about them, and the Paparazzi will never let her go because they’re just waiting for the day when she falls to the ground, pounds the pavement with her fists, and tells the world she just can”t take it anymore.

You know how I know Katie Holmes lives with these thoughts everday? Because of her face. The girl don’t.ever.smile anymore. Let’s go on a photo journey to exemplify this:

Is she smiling? No.

I see a kind of smile there. But mostly chagrin. And a horrible sock/shoe combo.

No smile here. Just one of her patented “Where has my life gone?” faces.

Hm. This is the same “grin” I gave to a girl who was a bitch to me in high school when I ran into her the other night.

Contemplating running away?

Those are “save me” eyes if I ever saw ‘em.

I can see she isn’t happy about her “Tom Approved” outfit either.

“Don’t tell Tom I was seen outside the compound or I’ll KILL you with my bare hands.”

I can understand how life inside the celebrity fishbowl can get a (trapped) person down, but if you feel like doing your own investigating for Katie Holmes’s smile, just know that it’s becoming harder and harder to find with time.

Perhaps it went out to plead for a part in Batman 3?  Maybe it’s secretly digging its way out of the house with a spoon.  Or could it be that Katie Holmes’s smile has snuck off to the Scientology compound and is minutes away from staging a Jack Bauer-esque take-over and explosion, thereby freeing Hollywood’s most gullible celebrities from L. Ron’s evil grasp?

One only knows.