Will You Ever Smile Again, Katie Holmes?

Katie Holmes seems to spend her life in a constant state of grim understanding: she’s married to Tom Cruise whether she likes it or not, Tom Cruise is weird and removed from reality, Tom Cruise does not want her to be more famous than him so he uses his Scientology mind powers to render everything she touches unsuccessful, Tom Cruise’s first batch of kids look to her for help because their adoptive dad has completely forgotten about them, and the Paparazzi will never let her go because they’re just waiting for the day when she falls to the ground, pounds the pavement with her fists, and tells the world she just can”t take it anymore.

You know how I know Katie Holmes lives with these thoughts everday? Because of her face. The girl don’t.ever.smile anymore. Let’s go on a photo journey to exemplify this:

katie-holmes-wizard-of-oz-05.jpg

Is she smiling? No.

katie-holmes-tom-cruise-mom.jpg

I see a kind of smile there. But mostly chagrin. And a horrible sock/shoe combo.

katie-holmes-skinny-jeans.jpg

No smile here. Just one of her patented “Where has my life gone?” faces.

katie-holmes-rolled-up-jeans.jpg

Hm. This is the same “grin” I gave to a girl who was a bitch to me in high school when I ran into her the other night.

katie-holmes-rest.jpg

Contemplating running away?

katie-holmes-new-haircut3.jpg

Those are “save me” eyes if I ever saw ‘em.

katie-holmes-high-waisted-pants.jpg

I can see she isn’t happy about her “Tom Approved” outfit either.

suri-cruise-money.jpg

“Don’t tell Tom I was seen outside the compound or I’ll KILL you with my bare hands.”

I can understand how life inside the celebrity fishbowl can get a (trapped) person down, but if you feel like doing your own investigating for Katie Holmes’s smile, just know that it’s becoming harder and harder to find with time.

Perhaps it went out to plead for a part in Batman 3?  Maybe it’s secretly digging its way out of the house with a spoon.  Or could it be that Katie Holmes’s smile has snuck off to the Scientology compound and is minutes away from staging a Jack Bauer-esque take-over and explosion, thereby freeing Hollywood’s most gullible celebrities from L. Ron’s evil grasp?

One only knows.

4 Comments on "Will You Ever Smile Again, Katie Holmes?"

  1. emily says:
    Mon, 11th Aug 20084:54 pm 

    i’d really like to talk to her one day. just to see if she really is that misreble and is faking her life or if she is just crazy like tom and has all of us fooled into thinking she’s a robot.

    either way i feel bad for her.

  2. Audrey says:
    Mon, 11th Aug 20087:01 pm 

    I would definitely put Katie’s smile on an internet scavenger hunt. It’s been MIA for a while now. It’s sad because she seems like one of the classier female celebs.

  3. Jess says:
    Mon, 11th Aug 20089:04 pm 

    poor Katie. I bet being around Victoria Beckham all the time doesn’t help either.

  4. Lauren, University of Michigan says:
    Tue, 12th Aug 20082:01 pm 

    How can she not be happy with all those amazing clothes? Come on Katie…show us those pearly whites!

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