He Said/She Said: Flirting With Someone Else

By CC Staff

So you have this boyfriend and you are so totally smitten. He is smart, he treats you well and he happens to be 3 inches taller than you…perfect. Things are going really well and you guys are gettin’ pretty serious; he has even met the parentals.

Huge!

And then you catch him at the bar downing a beer with some trampy blonde bimbo. What. the. hell? Is he really flirting right in front of you? Does he want to take this girl home? Is he trying to get into her (ugly/slutty) pants? She has nice boobs, yes, but does he even realize WHAT HE IS THROWING AWAY?

Hold on a second. Maybe you are over-reacting? Is there really something wrong with a little harmless flirting in a relationship? He is comin’ home with you, after all. Maybe it’s totally innocent. Maybe he’s telling that whore about his amazing girlfriend! And if not, he’s still comin’ home with you, right?

We asked our boy advisor to weigh in on this touchy (did you catch that pun? HA!) subject. Here is what he had to say.

He Said:

Ah flirting, that infamous nether region of fidelity. When you’re in a “committed” relationship, this flittering activity can be just a bit of harmless fun–and other times it can land you a spot on the g*d-damned Maury Povich show, hooked up to an F’ing lie-detector.

Some dudes are just flirty and can’t help but try to talk to every woman within wooing distance. But most of the time, guys in serious relationships don’t flirt. Not that they stop talking to other girls altogether, but we see flirting merely as a tool for getting what we want (laid). If we’re already getting laid, no need to flirt. So we’ll generally keep cross-gender conversation flirt-free.

If a guy does flirt, he will cheat on whomever he’s with, eventually. Men aren’t that strong when it comes to other women–we can’t deny a bit of action once it’s in our grasp–so if you’re guy is a flirt, chance are he’s also a cheater, or will be soon.

Women on the other hand often use flirting like a freakin’ gift card–anytime they want something, they just throw on a push-up bra and mini-skirt, bat their eyes, smile, and pretend like they give a sh*t about what some sucker at the bar is talking about–until they’ve raked in a few free cocktails or get bored. Whether she’s in a relationship or not, most chicks don’t find this activity repulsive, which it is, for all types of reasons that I’m not going to go into now.

Other times, they flirt just to make themselves feel good–nothing like a dose of compliments from strangers to boost that self-confidence. (Guys do this too, from time to time.) And some girls, like some guys, are just flirty–they can’t help but make themselves seem attractive to the opposite sex.

Regardless of the reason, flirting while in a relationship is never harmless. It never makes the person you’re with feel good. And it only increases the chance of you doing something hurtful towards the other person. No, flirting with someone is not the same as cheating, but it’s a pretty good indication of what’s coming next…

She Said:

Flirting while in a relationship, like most things in life, is OK within reason. You know; like drinking. Having a few beers at the bar is fine. Barfing/picking fights with all the girls who look at you funny is not. A little innocent flirt here and there is not an issue, but that doesn’t mean that flirting can’t become one.

You see, I think it is impossible for someone to be in a relationship and not flirt with others. Not because flirting is innate in all of us, but because there are times where your intentions (simply chatting with someone) are perceived differently by those around you (“UGH! She was TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH MY MAN!”).

The problem arises, however, when someone takes flirting to the next level. I had a friend in college who did this constantly. It did not matter if she had a boyfriend, or if she was talking to my boyfriend, she always had to flirt. To sit on laps. To have inappropriate text message convos late at night. To tell guys that if she did not have a boyfriend, she would totally be with them.

Clearly, she was crossing some lines. That was not innocent flirting; that was looking for something better while stringing someone along.

I think intentions and trust are very key factors when it comes to flirting. If you trust your mate, then it should not matter who he/she is talking to and what they are talking about. Getting angry and upset about it will only make you look like some super jealous freak. But, if it looks like things are getting a little too close to comfort over there in the corner, they probably are.

Just remember that people’s feelings (yours, your mate’s and that poor, innocent person you are flirting with’s) are at stake; tread lightly.