Tuffy Luv Is Grateful For Not Being a Bridesmaid

To get your question answered, email Tuffy at tuffy@collegecandy.com Ain’t no question too big or too small–but keep your question down to a paragraph or three tops, yes?

By Sara

[Confidential to Paulina: Stay away from that loser. He's obviously still seeing his ex (or at least hooking up with her) and you so don't need that. Like you said, there never was a friendship--why start one now?]

All right, on with today’s question:

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m having a big weird problem with my friend, let’s call her “Kate.” Kate has been my friend since third grade and we hang out with all the same people. I thought we were close.

But I was having coffee with her last week (I’m still in college but she graduated last year) and I noticed she had a ring on her ring finger. When I asked her about it it, she said, “Oh yeah, me and “Jake” eloped.” Tuffy, she’s only been dating Jake for 5 months! Also, she didn’t even tell me it happened! I said, “Oh my god, when did you elope?” And she said, “Like a month ago.”

What the hell?! Was she ever going to tell me? Apparently none of our other friends know. I feel like she totally left me (and our other friends) out of one of the most important parts of her life. I just can’t get over feeling hurt by her. What should I do?

-Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Wow, that was pretty insensitive of her. Seriously. That’s cold.

But, on the other hand, it is her life. Maybe she had some reason for not bringing you in on it. Did she think your group of friends would be judgmental? Or is there some kind of legal issue going on?

I totally agree with you that she should have been an adult and shared this huge new aspect of her life with you. But before you end a perfectly good long-term friendship, I think you should give this girl a chance. Take her out for coffee again and explain to her (calmly, girl!) that you feel left out of her life and you would have really liked to help her celebrate because you love and support her. If she’s still cold, or even defensive, just let it go. Remind yourself that it’s nothing personal and try to continue being her friend until she does something else weird (and then maybe take another look at your friendship).

Oh, and be grateful; being a bridesmaid is hell. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

Good luck, girl!

Hearts & skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[Image courtesy of timeinc.net]