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5 Best Things about My Long-Term Relationship
When CC recently published a post about long-term relationships, I was really impressed by the lengths of time some of you guys divulged you’ve been with your partners. Rock on! I see how the single life can be fun, but as a girl who really would rather poke her eyes out with Popsicle sticks than have a different hookup every week, it’s so nice to know that there are others out there who are happy with their long-term relationships.
People say life is boring when you’re in a really long relationship, but who are they kidding? Personally, I’ve never been happier. I love my long-term relationship because:
1. I have a built-in best friend.
Probably not everyone is best friends with their significant other, but I think a lot of people in long-term relationships are. I don’t always think about my boyfriend in a romantic way—sometimes I just think of him as someone who I want to call and share my good news with or someone who I want to hang out with because I know for sure that he can make me laugh. He’s always there for me, and not just as somebody to love, but as a true best friend.
2. I don’t have to be perfect.
When you’re in it for the long haul, you don’t always have to put your best foot forward. I remember having first (and second, and third) dates with people where I felt like I had to try my best to be funny and pretty and all-around wonderful. Since I have been with my boyfriend for several years and countless dates, both he and I know that I’m not always that way (he isn’t perfect, either, of course), and we’re OK with that. Sometimes I’m grumpy or rude or not very good-looking, and he just doesn’t care. It makes me feel so happy.
3. I don’t have to search for guys or decode their language.
If I were single and wanting to be in a relationship, I’d always be evaluating guys in the back of my mind for how they might fit with me. That’s tiring and frustrating. I’d also have to deal with wondering if I should see somebody again if I liked him, but not that much, or if he had habits that didn’t really thrill me (fine, I’ll admit it, I’m picky).
4. I have somebody to take care of me when I’m sick.
My boyfriend and I are long-distance as well as long-term, so I can’t always have him around when I’m sick, but it’s a real luxury when I can. If you have food poisoning or awful cramps, it’s kind of awkward to call up someone you’ve only been going out with for a month or two and say, “Hey… I look like a hag and I feel like crap, but could you come over and be with me?” But because we’ve been together so long and we care about each other so much, my boyfriend will curl up with me even if I have a terribly nasty, infectious disease.
5. We have memories.
This seems obvious, but you build up memories if you’ve been with somebody for longer than a year or two. They’re mostly unspoken, but they’re always there between you. Just think about all the really unique and fun things you’ve done with your family, for example (if you like them… I love my family, so this is easy for me). Having all these memories with my boyfriend of places we’ve been and things we’ve eaten and worn and done is like having a gigantic pillow to fall back on if I ever need to just think about something happy.
I feel like I’ve probably caused at least half of my readers to gag and leave by this point, but if there’s anybody left, chime in! What are your favorite things about long-term relationships, whether you’re in one or not?
[Image courtesy of datingsiteportal.net.]
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Marisa - high school says:
Mon, 18th Aug 200811:51 am
I think it's really sweet that you have such a nice relationship with your boyfriend! I, too, have no interest in hook-ups, but that mindset seems to work against me as I'm surrounded by people who are deathly afraid of the word "commitment."
I have yet to be in a long-term relationship that actually lives up to the phrase, but I have faith that I'll eventually find one that's a good fit. It's reassuring to see that someone else has.
Sarah says:
Mon, 18th Aug 200812:26 pm
I didn't gag at all! Quite the contrary, I was beaming and nearly tearing up (happy tears!) because I could see so much of my own relationship in what you described. We've been together for over a year now, but we've know each other for 7+, and I totally agree with you on every point you made! I love not having to try so hard to be perfect for him, and being able to comfortably hang out with other guys and not think about how we'd be together. I don't need to, I have my muppet to think about!
(Now I've probably made a few people gag…lol!)
Callie says:
Mon, 18th Aug 200812:41 pm
This is so dead on with my relationship! It is very refreshing to hear about someone in the same type of relationship as me, instead of all the one night stands. My boyfriend and I are also long-distance most of the time. We go to school 2 and 1/2 hours away, but are from the same hometown so that helps. Absense really does make the heart go fonder
chessy, but true. It makes me appreciate him even more when i dont get to see him for two weeks at a time.
Thanks for writing this and keep it up!
michelle says:
Mon, 18th Aug 20081:05 pm
good for you for having a long distance relationship. i live in mass and my boyfriend just left last night for arizona, we broke up because we didnt think the whole long distance thing would work and im a mess. i kinda wish we tried long distance though…
Kelly says:
Mon, 18th Aug 20082:05 pm
I've been in a relationship for two years now and I agree with everything you listed!!! I didn't gag! My boyfriend and I were long distance, but then he moved back…and then I had to move! But now we are only an hour apart instead of a few states. So much better!
I agree especially with your #2 "You don't have to be perfect." It's nice not to have to censor myself with my long term bf or being afraid of what he will think of me if I tell him about my major screwups.
Heather says:
Mon, 18th Aug 20082:43 pm
i loved this list, and i especially agreed with number 1. my boyfriend really is like my best friend, whenever i need him he's always there for me. great list, i support it completely
ela says:
Tue, 19th Aug 20085:17 am
i'm obsessively in love with my bf/fiancee. we were once long distance but i moved to a whole freaking diff country across the Atlantic (europe) so we could start a life together- so i understand what all of you are saying.
my secret: BEING GOOFY AND LAUGHING TILL YOUR ABS HURT
if someone candidly observed us alone being goofy, they'd def be spooked. when i'm in a wild mood (usually after i eat a lot) i start making weird noises like a UFO, asking him really annoying and impossible questions in a kermit the frog voice (why do i have a freckle on this toe? ANSWER ME!!!!GAHHH) and biting him when he tries to shut me up and…yeah that's enough lol.
Rebecca says:
Tue, 19th Aug 20087:29 am
I would love to be in a long term relationship. I don't believe I would even care about the 'samey' aspect of it at all…all those reasons you listed just make me want to find someone; I'm really not the type who enjoys casual dating or a string of meaningless hook-ups.
I'm currently in love, but it's unrequited. Well, he's my best friend and loves me platonically, so it's not as awful as it could be, but I still wish I had this with him. He's amazing :'(
Emily says:
Tue, 19th Aug 20087:22 pm
I started dating my boyfriend when we were both sick, so that totally took care of that one!
It's so cute to see someone who feels this way! You obviously have an amazing relationship with your guy!
Carly - Grinnell says:
Wed, 20th Aug 20087:05 am
You guys are so sweet.
Thank you!
gregory dykes says:
Wed, 20th Aug 200812:23 pm
i want to meet the women and have sex
Steph says:
Wed, 20th Aug 200812:48 pm
THANK YOU!!! Sometimes I think that someone who has never been in a long term relationship understands this. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and I completely agree with all your statements. For example..I told one of my friends (who has never really been in a long term relationship) that I think of my boyfriend as more of a best friend, and not a "lover". She thought it was crazy to think of him as anything else but my boyfriend or the person I loved. I couldn't get through to her that he's way more than that. She also couldn't fathom the idea that we're ok with each other at our worse. We're both sometimes rude, harsh, and mean…and we always don't look our best, but we're ok with that because we know who we are. We're not perfect and never will be…but she couldn't understand why we fight. I guess she thinks after so long, it should be happily ever after all the time…and its not always. Some days I question things — and other days, I have no doubts in the world about us. I think its all about being human!
Nat says:
Wed, 20th Aug 20081:57 pm
I agree with all of your reasons. I love that my boyfriend and I can just be… Like we can just hang out and there's no pressure. I love that he is the constant, that I can rely on him no matter what. Before I met him I liked a different guy every other week, I was always unsure of whether or not they wanted a relationship or just sex.. You can't fake long-term. With him, I know for sure that he loves me for who I am, because otherwise, he wouldn't stick around. One other thing about long-term relationships that I've found is that.. With short term flings and such I used to find it really easy to make them the center of your life.. Those feelings, at the beginning of every relationship where you think about ONLY your boyfriend, once it's long term it's almost like.. You can relax. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a wonderful addition to my life, but he doesn't need to be the center. I know I can focus on other great things in my life without worrying that he'll lose interest.
Jenny from the Blog says:
Fri, 3rd Oct 20086:08 pm
I love this article. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and even though we only get to see each other 1-2 times per week because we're both finishing school this year and working, we are still best friends til the end. We have a great relationship and I can't wait to start my life with him when both of our crazy, never-ending lives as college students finally end.
Edy says:
Thu, 9th Oct 20085:27 pm
Wonderfully said. My boyfriend is also my best friend.
Teena says:
Wed, 29th Oct 20085:30 pm
If anyone were to gag it would probably be because then envy what you said. Ive been with my boyfriend officially for 2 1/2 years now, but we were best friends for like 3 years before that. I still consider him my best friend and I think everything you said is dead on.
I absolutely love having someone like that around me. He probably knows more about my "quirks" or little habits than my own parents do. The sick part is dead on. We live across the street from e/o and whenever im sick, or visa versa, its awesome having someone right there.
((I secretly love it when hes sick because all he wants to do is cuddle and have me around!))
Question though… i want to get married young and have kids young (im 21 now so i mean like 25/26). I love my bf to death and i couldnt even imagine being with anyone else right now, but im not sure hes the one i want to or am going to marry. Sometimes i think he'll be living with his guy best friends forever…is there a way to like bring it up without completely saying "what do you think we'll end up being?" because if it will never happen, i dont wanna wait 10 years and have to start all over.
a bit negative, i know =( but its been on my mind A LOT lately, since im graduating this yr
help?!! suggestions!
Lindsey says:
Sun, 9th Nov 20088:35 am
The best part about my long term relationship is that we are a team. From the beruit table to the bank we are there for each other. There is a huge amount of support and general concern about each others well being. If i'm going through a tough time, he is there to help me out, and vice versa. We do things for each other to help each other out, go grocery shopping for each other, clean the others house if they are too busy. By the end of the day we can lay back in the comfort of each others arms and know we'll wake up to each others smiling face.
its a good give and take and it's nice to have someone actually care. now THATS somthing you don't get with those random hook ups.
Lauren says:
Tue, 11th Nov 20081:57 pm
I love the i dont have to be perfect!
My boyfriend and I are sort of long distance- he lives 45 minutes away from me- this wouldn't be bad except we can't afford the gas/expenses to see each other, so I can only see him a couple times a month or so. But, when we do, we usually don't go out and party. We stay in rent movies, order pizza, eat ice cream. Its amazing quality time w/ him that I love. Plus, when I make the drive to him, I dont bother with makeup or looking cute. I just get up and go. Id rather look like crap than miss out on an hour with him to get ready… though if i cant stand how i look, i have become very skilled with driving my stick shift while applying makeup. But its nice to know I don't have to.
Another thing i love is surprises. One evening we were on the phone- I wasn't going to see him that weekend, but my mom had been in town so i wasn't doing anything that night, just relaxing in the dorms. He calls me, and lets me go for a couple minutes to "shower". Then 30 mintues later lets me go bc "his mom wants to talk to him" all the sudden theres a knock on my door… and the peep hole was covered.. I was kinda like wtf?! but then i opened the door & he was standing there with lilys! when he let me go the first time he went into the store to get me flowers & the second time because he was here! it was the most amazing thing in the world.
Meg says:
Mon, 7th Dec 20095:43 pm
My favorite part of being in a long-term relationship is that there’s no pressure! One of my favorite memories with my boy was a day where we stayed in our pajamas one day and played video games for 10 hours straight, only getting up to pee and microwave some food! If he was someone new in my life, I wouldn’t have had as much fun.