College Candy

What a miserable train wreck, composed of C-list talent, constantly creative combinations of four letter words, the overuse of prescription drugs, volumes of offensive mutterings and creepy Full House pedophilia jokes. Ah, but hell, it’s funny.It’s like a car wreck – you know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t help yourself. Comedy Central Roasts are always a hot mess – a crew of C-list pseudo-stars drinking heavily and tearing each other apart all the while dropping f-bombs and vulgar sexual references. Perhaps part of the allure lies in the chance to see offensive and inappropriate behavior in a societal sea of politeness.

Bob Saget, the highly irritating Danny Tanner and silly video voiceover dude we all grew up hating, was clearly a last-ditch choice after thousands of other actual celebrities turned down the chance to be roasted. The last poor sap to accept the offer was Flavor Flav- how can you top that kind of celebrity star power? Yes, I’m being sarcastic, but the pinnacle of comedy has to be Snoop Dogg referring to the little clock-wearing freak as a cracked out midget in a Viking helmet.

Pretty-boy John Stamos and the rest of the Full House cast were there, sans the Olsen Twins of course, who were the topic of many sexual/ eating disorder/ molestation/ pedophilia jokes. An aging Uncle Joey, Aunt Becky, DJ and Stephanie peppered the crowd with other random has-beens like the guy from Quantum Leap.

An uber-creepy and highly unfunny Norm McDonald bombed, reading his awful G-rated jokes from index cards while an array of confused audience members looked on. Eyesore Jeff Ross, savage-looking Brian Posehn, ear-splitting Gilbert Godfrey and older-than-water Cloris Leachman offered intermittent laughs while Saget looked on, laughing awkwardly and looking slightly confused.

Jeff Garlin and Jim Norton presented sets that were slightly amusing at best, while income-earning stars like Sarah Silverman, Lewis Black and Don Rickles ‘phoned it in’, offering brief, insulting, videotaped salutes to the tall creepy Saget. Greg Giraldo and Susie Essman (where do you find these people, and has anyone heard of them?) certainly cracked me up and Jon Lovitz always delivers. All in all, it’s low-brow, despicable and exploitational comedy at its brightest. Its offensive, politically incorrect and almost painful to watch, I’ll admit. Cringe-worthy, raunchy, oddly humorous and downright mean, its short-attention span theater for people that can’t help but laugh at the misfortune of others or strangers falling in public.