A Guide for Being the Best Hookup

morning-after.jpgIn yesterday’s Candy Dish, we linked out to a story that gave advice on how to be the best hookup. Not in a “do this with your tongue” sort of way, but more of a “be courteous and don’t overstay your welcome” deal. We thought the topic was a great one, but upon further inspection I realized that I didn’t quite agree with the tips that were given.

In fact, they made me sort of angry.

The writer’s tips can be summed up simply as, “Get up, get out, and make sure you look pretty when ya do it.” What? Is it 1950? Is there a reason the woman should have to tip toe (literally) around the sleeping prince? Should she have to exit quietly so as not to disturb his life?

You spent the night with a guy – which is your right – so why should you feel like a trampy nobody in the morning? Own it. Be there. Enjoy it.

In response to their post, we are going to give you our tips. And not make you feel bad for gettin’ frisky with a strapping young lad:

They Said: Get up and get out.

We Say: Unless you don’t like the idea of morning sex, we recommend sticking around for a bit. You are already there, why not enjoy a morning activity that both of you are clearly going to want? And if morning sex isn’t your thing, don’t sneak out. That just looks shady. Wake the boy up, tell him you had a great time but have to get back home, and kiss him goodbye.

They Said: Kiss Him Goodbye

We Say: We do agree with this one; no matter how bad the hookup (and you know some of those college boys have no clue what they are doing) give him a kiss goodbye. If you liked it, leave your number. It is a tad strange to spend an entire evening naked with someone and doing many a-naughty thing only to get all shy and run out in the morning. Plus, why should you run? You didn’t force this guy to take you home – he invited you. Don’t feel weird about it in the morning.

They Said: Keep things quiet

We Say: Sneaking out of some guy’s house in the early morning is going to make you feel cheap and whorish. And, despite what many people think, spending the night with a man is neither of those things. Why should you have to tip toe out of his house? He knows you are there. He doesn’t have to get up and walk you out, but he should acknowledge that you are leaving and make an effort to say goodbye. Yes, it is a bad idea to run through his house, cook some breakfast and watch TV with the roommates, but there is no reason for you to have to take off your shoes and tip toe out the front door.

They Said: Pick up your trash

We Say: Let that guy clean up his own place! You weren’t the only one using that water bottle and you sure as hell weren’t alone in the use of the condom. Cleaning up after yourself makes it seem like you did something wrong and that you are trying to hide it. Why should you have to clean up after some man? This is his apartment/dorm room – he can clean it up when he finally rolls out of bed.

They Said: Don’t Make Apologies

We Say: Amen, sisters. If you went home with someone and didn’t want to have sex, that is your prerogative. No matter what he says, “But it feels so good,” “You won’t regret it,” “Just for a second?” you do NOT have to give in.

They Said: Make sure you don’t look like a busted up ho when you leave.

We Say: Sure, straightening out the hair and splashing a little water on your face is a good idea, but no matter how much lip gloss you reapply, sporting a backless shirt and a pair of stilettos at 10AM on a Saturday is going to tip everyone off.

[Image courtesy of timgrey on Flickr.]

5 Comments on "A Guide for Being the Best Hookup"

  1. Crunchy says:
    Tue, 19th Aug 20082:37 pm 

    I think overall they were right on . . . Although it is difficult not to look a little slutty wearing a club outfit in a dorm room . . . Kinda awkward.

    http://www.digitalfuntown.com/videos/103

  2. Suzanne says:
    Wed, 20th Aug 20086:22 am 

    Steal a shirt from the guy’s closet to wear over your club clothes. On your way home it’ll look like your boyfriend loaned it to you. If the guy wants to see you again it’s a good excuse to meet again and if not, well losing a shirt is his punishment for not getting up to drive you home.

  3. gregory dykes says:
    Wed, 20th Aug 20085:11 pm 

    i want to meet you and have sex

  4. Lauren, University of Michigan says:
    Fri, 22nd Aug 20089:06 am 

    Wow, Gregory. I am quite flattered. I just don’t know if this is the right place for that sort of thing. This is my job…and I don’t mix business with pleasure.

  5. Johnathan-Wataru says:
    Fri, 29th Aug 20088:28 pm 

    Your Tips:

    #1 -awesome, if I ever were to have a one night stand, that would be the nicest thing a girl can do for me, if I were the one over the girls house, I’d be asking “Is there anything else I can do for you?”. Of course, I expect a no, other then “Clean my house and make me breakfast!” That’s something I expect my girl to say maybe.

    #2 -agree, in the case that the man comes over, what then, a good-bye kiss might be met with denial, or disgust, or avoiding a good-bye kiss due to respect of their possible dislike might turn off a girl that has an attraction. Sorry if that was confusing.

    #3 -I’d have to say, sometimes it’s good to keep things quiet, it always depends on the situation, generally, you want to keep things between you and people you know, if you see new friends over or a roomate you haven’t been introduced, don’t wake up the neighbor screaming “hi my name is -!”

    #4 -Sort of agree, but it’s good to lend a helping hand, or at least offer. It’s human nature to forget sometimes, especially in the heat of the moment “shit! I’m late for class!”

    #5 -eh, I thought stilettos were a spanish knife…and uh…backless shirt…you mean no shirt and a bra only right? *scratches head* I am very confused.

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