College Candy

Alcohol is my oyster. It is my aphrodisiac. It turns me on. It makes me want to hump anything on two legs (and the occasional wall). Give me a few Vodka/Soda’s and I am like a frat boy in heat.

Grrr.

That means that, against my better judgment, I often let my loins do the talkin’ and follow them wherever (and with whomever) they decide. And usually they decide to head home for a little intoxicated fun. Unless they are over-ruled by my belly, in which case we make a pit-stop for breadsticks en route to the fun.

And fun we have.

But drunk sex isn’t all “Ooo”s, “Ahhh”s, and “OH MY GOD!”s… Yes, there are some downsides to these late night trysts. If you are one to think before you act (unlike me and my unruly libido), you may want to consider some of the pros and cons to Not-So-Sober Sex before you head home with a gent.

Pro: Your inhibitions go out the window.

Con: Your ability to tell if someone is really attractive goes out the window.

Pro: It feels (so) good

Con: The motion of the ocean might make you hurl

Pro: You try a bunch of crazy sh*t

Con: You try (and fail at) a bunch of crazy sh*t.

Pro: You get to meet someone new

Con: He drank so much he really can’t do much and definitely can’t do much for you.

Pro: If he’s ugly/gross, you can blame the alcohol

Con: If he’s ugly/gross, you will probably still remember it

Pro: It’s really effing fun

Con: Two drunk people attempting to put certain things in certain places gets messy and ugly. You end up just flopping things around and hoping for the best. Which is not fun or pretty.

Pro: Weird body sounds (ahem, queefs) aren’t quite as embarrassing

Con: Drunk guys make a lot of weird body sounds (snoring, farting) when they sleep

Pro: All that time and money spent on hair/makeup/hot outfit/making the boobs look good was so. totally. worth it.

Con: Having to walk home in a pair of stilettos and your bra stuffed into your going-out bag.

Pro: You are too drunk to notice the mold growing on his walls

Con: You are too drunk to notice if he put on the condom….

[Amazing photo courtesy of Flickr. Lord knows we've all been there...]