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The Nights I Looked Like a Tranny; My 5 Biggest Makeup Regrets

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Makeup is fun. With makeup I can make myself look like anything I want. I can glam myself up, or play out a more natural look. I can turn myself into a sex kitten, or an innocent girl next door.

But it has taken years and years of trial and error to know what looks good on my face and what makes me look like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Looking back I’ve had some pretty disastrous makeup moments that I have comprised into my top 5 makeup regrets.

1. Sweat + black eyeliner = scary raccoon eyes. Now I love me some black eyeliner, especially when I’m putting on a cute little dress and going out to a club, but there are certain places where it’s probably not a good idea to pile on the black and, unfortunately, I’ve learned this the hard way.

One night my friends and I dressed ourselves up to go out dancing and I had put on a ton of dark eyeshadow and eyeliner. The dance floor was completely packed and after about half an hour we were all sweaty and gross. My friend and I went to the bathroom to cool down and when I looked in the mirror, I found that the makeup I had so meticulously applied was now all over my face! Seriously, it looked as if I had rubbed a huge piece of charcoal all around my eye and down my cheeks. My black eyeshadow had literally melted from me sweating and was now sitting in clumps on my eyelids. Needless to say I had to scrub it all off before anyone (besides all those people I saw pre-bathroom trip) saw my disaster of a face.

2. White eye shadow is for vampires, not people. When I was in middle school, the latest makeup trend was wearing white eyeshadow…and just white eyeshadow. For some reason my little awkward pre-teen mind thought that walking around looking like a corpse with all that white around my eyes was actually a good idea. And what made this look even worse is that I am naturally very pale, so I was basically applying white on white to create a sexy pastiness on my face. Luckily, I ditched this makeup trend when I entered high school, but I still can’t help but shudder when I see pictures of my middle school self looking like the freakin’ dead.

3. Always get the right bronzer for your skin tone or you will look like an Oompa-Loompa. We’ve all seen those girls; the ones whose faces look a bright orange color while their neck remains considerably paler. Or maybe their orange necks even match their orange faces, but you can tell the tan is fake because you can literally see all the bronzer particles on their face. As attractive as this sounds, I have been one of those girls.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a very pale gal who will try just about anything to get a little color on me. I’ve done the tanning beds, but I’m afraid of skin cancer. I’ve tried the gradual tanner lotions, but I don’t see that noticeable of results. Bronzer – with its instant tanning abilities – became my go-to product. And boy did I go to it. A lot.

4. Bright eyeliner with bright lips is a huge no-no.

I have always liked experimenting with different makeup looks. Some of these looks work (I look cute with brown eyeshadow on) and some don’t (I look bad with neon pink eyeliner and bright pink lip gloss). On the plus side, I have used the latter makeup look only once, which was definitely one time too many.

My roommate is the type of girl who can pull off crazy makeup. A few months back, she had just bought pink eyeliner from Sephora and had neatly lined the top lids of her eyes keeping the rest of her face fresh of makeup. I too tried this eyeliner and slathered on a coat of lip gloss before leaving with the rest of my friends. As it turns out, the pink eyeliner spread along my lids until it looked like thick neon eyeshadow blazing out from above my eyes and,what I thought had been clear lip gloss turned out to be an obnoxious colored pink. My friends would not stop making fun of me for the whole night and when we arrived at the restaurant I proceeded to rush to the bathroom to wipe off the eyeliner goo. Never again will I pair neon anything to bright lips (matching eyeshadow and lipstick is never a good idea either), unless I’m actually going for the clown look.

5. Blue glitter eyeshadow makes me look like a tranny. Blue glitter eyeshadow is pretty self explanatory on why it would be on my list of regrets. This makeup regret was something I did in my middle school and early high school years for god only knows what reason. My friends and I would pack on the blue eyeshadow and sprinkle our lids with glitter before heading out to the movie theater. As ridiculous as this sounds, we thought we looked hot. Now that I look back, I realized that we looked like a herd of trannies.

Do you ladies have any makeup regrets?

    Comments

    Comments

    1. ela says:

      i just died laughing and sent my bff this article. i had to PRY her HANDS OFF her white eyeshadow in college. she's naturally fair skinned and has super light blue eyes with no ring around the blue…when she would wear exclusively white eyeshadow and i used to call her invisible and yelled at her asking her why she wanted to disappear! luckily, i forced her into wearing eyeliner and now she pulls it off in a MUCH better way. this is SO funny to hear lol.

    2. heather says:

      do you guys remember the white eyeliner trend of the nineties?

      i do, because it was on my face😦

      similar to ela's white eyeshadow story lol.

    3. Sarah says:

      My worst makeup debacle was in high school when I would put a thick line of black eyeliner on only the lower lid of my eye. I thought it made my eyes stand out, but seeing pictures of it now just makes me look like I had wished I was overdosed on heroine.

    4. Lauren, University o says:

      I always used to put silver (not white, but SILVER) shadow on my brow bone as a highlighter. Mix that with the flash of a camera and i looked like a drag queen.

    5. ela says:

      lauren i distinctly remember doing that to my freshman homecoming. yes.i looked like the tin man.

    6. Audrey says:

      OMG- the blue glitter eyes. I was that girl in jr. high. It makes me shudder to think about. Yikes!!

    7. Kate says:

      WHITE EYELINER, lots of it.

      All throughout middle school. Oh my gosh I shudder when I see old photos.

      Also, lip liner. Colors that were obviously darker than my skin tone. After the color would fade from my lips it looked like I had a cherry chocolate ring around my mouth for the rest of the day.

      Being the complexion of newly washed white hospital walls does not help either.

    8. Carmen says:

      Lucky for me most colors look really good on me, I'm the lucky "crazy makeup" looks amazing on me girl. lol BUT i find it really hard to wear normal colors like just a netural brownish….bleh TOO BORING for me

    9. lauren says:

      in middle school we had a mix of both the white eyeshadow with BLUE mascara.. not a great look on anybody!:)

    10. Sophia K. says:

      "TRANNY" is a highly offensive dehumanizing term to many people and even Christian Siriano has apologized after months of being seemingly unable to utter one sentence without incorporating it.

      I'm a transsexual woman and typically don't wear much makeup – and have certainly never touched blue shimmer shadow in my life, or blue matte shadow for that matter. If you mean DRAG QUEEN, well, you should say what you mean and mean what you say. Yes, both trans people and drag performers self-identify as "tranny" for purposes of reappropriation, but you ought to know the rules about that sort of thing.

    11. Becca says:

      In middle school I was really into purple, plum lipstick. It was awful…

    12. Lulu says:

      Ouch, Sophia K. A lot of people don't know the "rules" about how transsexuals/transgendered/drag queens identify themselves.

      I also know transgendered people who DON'T take offense to it. As distasteful as it might be to you, it's become a part of slang like "retarded," or "gay." Preaching really won't change anything, because although it's understood that the word might be deemed offensive by SOME, when used in certain contexts it's clearly not meant to be negative.

    13. Sophia K says:

      I just saw your response, Lulu. In this case, it is absolutely offensive. To equate "tranny" with "trashy" or some kind of absurd stereotype is offensive, and GLAAD agrees with me. I take issue with GAY and RETARDED as derogatory slang too. A responsible journalist, or journalism student, shouldn't be using these words when there's a lot better ways to make a point, without it being at the expense of someone else.

      Oh, and I don't call it "preaching" but rather, letting people know when they're said something hurtful/ignorant/etc.

    14. lyssa says:

      Lulu is aptly named. She is a real Lulu, alright.

      And your equating tranny with bad looking just shows the world what a fool you are.

      so, here, you are clearly trying to be negative. If "looking like a tranny" is one of the OPs "biggest regrets." that sounds pretty negative to me.

      SE should be pilloried all over the Net. People need to know that abusing others in print is so immature, and not worthy of college anything.

      Report this to GLAAD and read and learn.

      Learn:
      http://takesupspace.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/tran

      Act:
      https://www.glaad.org/action/report.php

      Educate:
      http://www.gendertalk.com/?q=node/288

      I think an apology is called for.

    15. […] and random fetishizing speculations. It’s insulting your penis size. It’s saying you can’t apply makeup. It’s saying that the only difference between us is that you think you’re better than […]

    16. jackie says:

      I. Think that the author is a disgusting, ugly person and is probably a boring neanderthal with an ugly face

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