An Open Apology. I Had PMS; It Wasn’t My Fault

September 1, 2008 5:00 pm     Posted in HaHa  Candy -- NYU g+ page

180055-red-dragon_400.jpgI am sorry.


By Candy

As it seems, I am currently suffering from a WICKED case of PMS. I have never really fallen victim to this monthly debacle, but in the last 24 hours I have felt overwhelmingly compelled to freak out on nearly everyone I have come into contact with, and, well, have.

For that, I’d like to make amends.

My dear, sweet boyfriend:

Sorry for freaking out on you after you felt compelled to repeat – verbatim – nearly the entire dialog from “Tropic Thunder.” I know you enjoyed the movie, and in a sick way enjoyed how irritated it made me for you to continue doing it, but that was no excuse to smack you on the arm with the blunt force of a car crash then scream at you like a fire-breathing dragon. It was mortifying to see you look so terrified of me.

Waitress at the Goose:

I understand how it can be working in food service; I have been there too, sister. With that in mind, I am sorry for being a total bitch after finding out we were merely 4 minutes late to order food last night. Sure, my eye rolling and walking out of the restaurant without a comment to you was rude, but, in my defense, I had just spent 2 hours watching “Tropic Thunder” and was famished. If I didn’t eat something soon, I was going to lose it and my poor boyfriend was going to be my target practice. I’m sorry for being so rude. In hindsight hanging around, having a few pitchers and enjoying the quick buzz may have been exactly what I needed.

My friends:

Sorry to totally bail out on drinks last night. After having found out “the kitchen closes at 11” I was pissed and starving, grabbed some T-Bell, and called it a night. Really, I was doing the city a favor; the odds of me freaking out on someone were pretty good (or a guarantee). That being said, at 1:45 a.m. when you all called to find out my whereabouts, I am sorry for reacting like the villain of a Disney movie. In the voice of The Dark Knight.

Fellow drivers:

I’ve really had no patience for any of you. Sorry for not letting people in for the sole reason of assuming you are a tool. Sorry for not stopping at stop signs, for using my horn way too much and flipping off that 16-year-old girl who was driving exactly the speed limit (good for you for being responsible).

City of Portland, lovely boyfriend, dear friends and family who I have been a giant bitch to, my bad. I’m sorry. In 24 hours I’ll be back to my sweet, loving self. In the meantime I’ll stay holed up in my apartment alone and spare the world my ferociousness.

11 Comments on "An Open Apology. I Had PMS; It Wasn’t My Fault"

  1. anonymous coward says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20085:07 am 

    wow, you really are a raging bitch.

    get your pms under control. i know tons of girls that have it worse than you do, imagine having a gigantic painful cyst on your uterus while having your period, then try and think that you're not the only person in the world who feels like shit.

    think of the person who has a migraine and a low tolerance for pain, then try and think that you're not the only person in the world who feels like shit.

    think of the kid with cystic fibrosis and the dude who lost his leg in a car accident, then try and think that you're not the only person in the world who feels like shit.

    goddamn liberal junkie.

  2. J - NYU says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20085:45 am 

    have you ever been through rough PMS, anon coward??

    I doubt it.

  3. anonymous coward says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20085:57 am 

    J,

    have you ever had high blood sugar and a raging migraine? imagine having no energy (read: none, your body can't get energy into it's cells to move your muscles, not i'm pissed off and i don't want to move), coupled with a mind tearing migraine which saps the consciousness from your mind and forces you to react on instinct alone (baser instincts I might add). If people can control themselves under those kinds of situations, why can't this small majority of women that take it upon themselves to assume that because they're pms'ing, they have a right, or at least an expectation, to be raging banshee whore bitches.

    I'm not saying you don't have it hard, I believe it, I certainly believe that it sucks in all its notoriety. I'm just saying, learn to control yourself, and stop blaming the rest of the world, (i.e. men).

  4. anonymous coward says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20085:59 am 

    for clarification, when i say blaming the rest of the world (i.e men) i mean when a woman is pms'ing, and a man happens to do something she considers irritating (which by most accounts she generally appreciates when she's not pms'ing) she blows up on him for doing it. when in fact, the true irritant in the situation is herself.

  5. J - NYU says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20086:13 am 

    Right now I am sitting awkwardly and in pain with a 4 inch scar from a recent chest surgery, my friend. I have tested the waters of discomfort, and I still say, long live humorous tales of PMS.

  6. jes says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20086:41 am 

    haha J-NYU, good response.

    I dont think the question is not whether or not any of us (like myself, who have really bad PMS) have experienced more painful situations.

    I also have chronic migraines. And guess what? They get worse with PMS! haha

    She's simply sharing her experience recently. If she didn't realize it was her fault for reacting the way she did, she wouldn't be apologizing, would she? lol

    I think anon-coward is just trying to throw him/herself a pity party and find someone to lash out at for no reason. Its pretty pathetic to do that over the internet. lol

    btw- who ever said that anyone blames the rest of the world (or men) for their PMS? I'm pretty positive that we all know its a hormonal imbalance and we DO largely control it. Quit trippin'.

    But "raging banshee whore bitches" LOL wonderful description! – sounds more like this guy than any PMS'ing woman I've ever met. :)

  7. jes says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20086:44 am 

    So in addition to the humorous tales of PMS…

    I say, long live the crazy internet-pyscho who feels the need to express his pain & anguish on a girly website!

    Prozac, anyone? :)

  8. anonymous coward says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20088:32 am 

    J- sorry to hear that.

    oh please, crazy internet pyscho? I'm generally considered a very nice person, i just don't tolerate fools and whiners very well, if you can't take constructive humor minded criticism, then fuck off :) . As for the girly website, so? it's girly, but it's generally funny. Way to assign gender to humor…

    7 out of 10 girls I know do not fit this descriptive behavior which you 3 individuals clearly do, 1 by admission and 2 by defense.

    maybe there's some things I don't understand, i'll admit that. maybe your case of pain is different than someone else, sorry no excuse, stop whining and stop taking it out of the rest of the world. yes, we men do actually understand, yes we feel sorry, yes we still love you when you feel bloated and your back hurts. yes we'll massage what hurts and get you stuff to make you feel better. but don't smack us in the arm like a fire breathing dragon. when we get injuries (note reference to being in pain), do we take them out on you?

    I, having grown up in a household of strong women, will be the first to acknowledge their strength and will.

    but what gets me the most is the women that tend to bitch about their PMS the most, and expect their irrational behavior to be justified by their menstrual cycle, are the same ones who tout their feministic ideals the most. yet they expect a double standard of treatment when they're in pain. It's kinda bs.

    as for the prozac comment, if you need to take drugs to fix yourself (unless you have an undue chemical imbalance) you've got issues. besides, xanex works better.

  9. anonymous coward says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20088:37 am 

    ok to calm it all, i was trying to win a bet, sorry for causing any blood boiling. the bet was to see how long it would take before a woman came back with a personal assault, based on the generally acidic comments i made.

    my girlfriend won, don't ask what she got.. :)

  10. jes says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20088:58 am 

    Hey no boiled blood here… Just trying to help ya chill yours.

    And that's okay, I think we'd rather not know… lol

  11. Jeff says:
    Tue, 2nd Sep 20089:15 am 

    so that was who tha angree women i saw driving threw portland was lol

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