Hot Profs: Fair Game?

September 3, 2008 10:30 am     Posted in Back to School, Sex  Kathryn S g+ page

young-romance.jpgCollege is so liberating. We don’t need to ask for hall passes to use the bathroom. We don’t necessarily have to explain absences. We can leave super-crowded lectures early because the professor won’t even notice. Hell, some of us can even go to bars with our professors!


By Kathryn S

The student-teacher relationship gets completely morphed once college hits. Lecturers can be more laid back– the “hip” teachers wear jeans to class and drop curse words to express their points. In many cases, students and teachers can work closely, whether it be during office hours or on a collaborative research project. But, when it comes to student-teacher relationships, how close is too close?

Most of the “hot” teachers in college are probably shrouded in urban legends revolving around steamy love affairs in class. The profs who really connect with the students and relate to us on our level are targets for schoolgirl crushes. And once in a while, a professor comes along who takes full advantage of that. There are obvious taboos regarding student-teacher interaction in high school, thanks to some of the pedophilic educators who have made headlines over the past ten years, but in college, there are many shades of gray.

First of all, college students are of legal age to give consent. And the age gap is much smaller, especially when you throw TA’s into the picture, some of whom may still even be undergrads themselves. Still, can a romance between a professor and a student really blossom in college? Here are some factors to consider:

1. Who Makes the First Move?

It’s awkward enough following up with the cutie whose number you scored at Saturday’s Graffiti Party. If you are crushing on your professor or TA, you cross more than just the ‘friendship’ line by making a move. If he really was just giving you extra attention because you really needed extra help, then you’re going to get derailed by a freight train of anxiety after he turns you down…plus, you’ll still have to look him in the face for the rest of the semester.

The prof making the first move can be just as awkward: is he some kind of perv who hits on all the undergrads? Is he trying to use his status as your superior to his advantage? Keep in mind that a teacher hitting on a student is pretty much sexual harassment, so if Dr. Dreamboat actually makes a pass, he’s risking more than just mortification: he’s risking his job.

2. Are you on the same level?

Professors have way more life experience than we do. To be a university professor, they have to hold PhD’s and be published regularly. Not to mention have more than a few years on you. They’ve gone through the college party circuit; you haven’t. Can you really be on the same page about your torrid love affair?

You see him as older, mature, and booksmart sexy. But are you sure he doesn’t just see you as a naive, innocent schoolgirl?

3. If the Relationship is Outed, There WILL be Consequences.

Simply put: his career will be jeopardized and your academic integrity will be questioned. Who’s to say you earned those A’s, when you’ve been getting extra credit in the bedroom?

4. There May be Tension in the Classroom.

You hit on your prof and he turns you down – awkward.

You have a one night stand, and come Monday morning, you have to sit and listen to him lecture about how Eliot’s The Wasteland is a marvel of modern British Lit – awkward and boring.

You have to take notes, but all you can think about is scratching your nails down his back as he thrusted away last weekend – a little hot, but you need to focus on the notes!

You thought he actually liked you; he sees it as a one-night stand to be locked away with the other skeletons in his closet – a bruise to your ego, AND he still gets to grade your exams.

5. There are Plenty of Fish in the University Sea.

There’s a lot of wrenches that can be thrown into your education if you’ve hooked up with your professor or TA. You can’t go on public dates with your professor, or bring him to Lambda Chi’s keg party, or even cuddle with him in your dorm. So why risk all of the above by trying to be that girl? I admit, it’s a little different when you’re talking about a TA as opposed to a faculty professor, especially if the age gap isn’t too wide. But if you really feel like there’s a connection, why not wait until the semester is over, and see if anything blossoms?

In “normal” relationships, we often take things slow, so what’s the big hurry to jump in bed with a teacher? Just to play out a fantasy in real life?

I’ve had some pretty cool teachers in my life, but never pursued anything past intellectual conversation. Why? Because I liked that those professors appreciated my intellect and the hard work I put into their class. When it was time to grab some stellar reference letters, I knew I had never jeopardized my reputation with these professors, which was a plus. On the other hand, I’ve been a TA, and taught students only a couple of years my junior. Some of my students were cool as hell, and we sometimes let office hours discussions segue into semi-personal conversations (e.g. favorite music, politics, or other PG topics). Still, I never thought of them as anything more than my students, and if I continued to correspond with them after class ended, it always remained strictly platonic.

The student-professor love affair has been romanticized in books, TV shows, movies, and via word-of-mouth. Still, some things are better left to the imagination. I recommend sticking to your peers, rather than pursuing your profs.

13 Comments on "Hot Profs: Fair Game?"

  1. Star says:
    Wed, 3rd Sep 20085:46 am 

    Anyone notice in the picture he looks like he's trying to examine her tonsils? I always love it when a guy breaks my neck to look down my throat…

  2. S.E. - Fordham says:
    Wed, 3rd Sep 20086:23 am 

    Some of the professors we have are grad students earning their degree. My roomie and I have fantasies of doing one of profs before we graduate…

  3. Natalie says:
    Sat, 6th Sep 20089:49 am 

    Maybe I'm crazy, but it depends on the professor. I dated one for a few months. Typical gorgeous, pretty eyes, know-it-all smile, doesn't need to curse to make his point, and isn't insecure thank god because too many guys are. It wasn't awkward because we didn't make it awkward. He helped me with my classes and helped me study. my roommate didn't mind and she kept her mouth shut. we would study with him there, if we had a question we would ask him and he had no problem correcting any piece of work handed to him which made my life easier lol. Our dorm was actually three rooms, one public area and two bedrooms, so it wasn't cramped. I spent alot of time at his apartment. We were good at turning weird moments into funny jokes. We agreed it was going too far when we sort of lost control and i now can't look at his desk without smiling at wicked memories. We still talk and still aren't awkward with each other. every now and then we share a smile over an, um, interesting memory. after this year i'll be done and we might go ahead and try it again. he was worried about taking advantage. he thinks a man of experience convincing a young woman into believing she loves him is a trick old as time, even if he doesn't mean to. but i hardly lose my head to love. lust sure (reference the desk comment), love? no. think I'm naive all you want but I'm not.

  4. nikki says:
    Fri, 10th Oct 20085:38 am 

    i am a professor and i have this romantic bonding with a student.He is not my student.We met in the org i am handling. We enjoy each other's company, yes, we kiss and hold hands but that's about it. We do not go beyond that. I think it depends on the person.You should know your limitations….it is a case to case basis.Btw, our age difference is 11 years.We are cool.

  5. beth says:
    Sun, 7th Dec 20082:55 pm 

    "We agreed it was going too far when we sort of lost control and i now can’t look at his desk without smiling at wicked memories."

    hahahaha, natalie, you crack me up :)

  6. Girl Fire says:
    Tue, 23rd Jun 20094:37 am 

    You’ll still have to look him in the face for the rest of the semester.

  7. KinkyProf says:
    Sat, 27th Mar 20109:32 am 

    Natalie is right on, these scenarios are total fun. I'm a prof, 40s, and I love my ongoing hookups with college cuties. Young women these days are cool about this. More so than their college boy cohort. And the sex is awesome..my girl gets to submit, to open up fully in ways that she can never manage with guys who don't have the intellectual faculties or the experience. I enjoy dominating her, ravishing her, teaching her some of the more adventurous playtime delights. Oh yes, it's great. We keep a sense of proportion. My girls graduate, find jobs, serious bfs and send me respectful notes. They're not naive or childish. They're mature, intelligent young women who want to enjoy good sex with me. It's others who want to spoil the fun. But then they're just jealous. Watch for my online ads, you'll love them!

    @SE. Grads are more complicated. There's much more chance of attachments developing and it can be awkward because of proximity issues afterwards. Undegrads much less potential for problems.

    @nikki. Try it, it's fun. But remember the boys aren't always as mature as the girls. Keep his sense of proportion if you can.

    @beth. Email me, I've got some much better accounts than that! They'd more than crack you up :)

    @GirlFire, yes, it's best if she's not actually in my class. That's more complicated too.

  8. Adjunct says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 20101:27 am 

    There should be a website for these type of connections. I'm the youngest professor In my entire university and am surrounded by funny, pretty, vibrant young women. However I would never fool around with one of my students, former or otherwise. It helps that it so rarely happens that there's a real deep intellectual or emotional connection, but the physical tension can't be denied. I'm stylish, outgoing, very good looking and make an effort to connect with my students on an individual level. But although I often catch girls gazing at me in my peripheral vision, and it gives me a charge, it would devastate me to hurt any of them.
    I would advise any young men or women who want to pursue a hook up with one of their teachers to give it serious, serious contemplation. Fantasies are awesome, but sometimes best left to the imagination.
    The only solution I can see is to have fun with students who don't go to my school. That way the professorial relationship could be explored and had fun with, without the consequences.
    Anyone want to create a website for this?

  9. Underwater says:
    Fri, 18th Mar 201111:25 pm 

    I've been trying to snap out of crushing on my prof – I know it's wrong!

    My prof is twice my age. I'm 22. I can't stop thinking about him. He's so tall, works out, looks fit, has a crazy gorgeous accent (westernized German), a deep voice, an easy-going attitude (so damn attractive), and a cute cute cute (oh God, so amazing) smile. Whenever he cracks a joke and laughs, he makes me think dirty things. And now, thanks to this post, my imagination only got better. *sigh*

    I don't know what to do to stop these thoughts. He has two kids and a wife, too. Shouldn't that stop me? He has gray hair and is in the process of balding. Shouldn't THAT stop me? But his personality, intelligence, and smile (damn that smile!) kills me and I overlook everything and get lost in my fantasies while he lectures. My notes have become sloppy, definitions ill-defined (if I even heard him at all), and I can no longer ask him questions on lecture material that I don't understand (since I was too busy thinking about laying him in bed).

    Damn that amazingly attractive smile. Damn his witty jokes, comments, and story-telling. I wish that he was boring so that I wouldn't be in this horrible mess….God, that amazing smile.

  10. Nelly says:
    Tue, 21st Jun 20111:28 am 

    I have been wondering if it’s possible to genuinely fall for professor,my professor is 34 and the head of the school I am in at the university,i am 20.There’s a lot of sexual tension between us but i do not know how he views me,he’s single.he’s made a few comments that left me wondering,we rub our legs under the table but i still won’t kiss him.he taught me last semester and he’s going to be my research supervisor,he won’t mark my work and am on good terms with most of my other professors so I can forego his recommendation.Can a professor genuinely like,be attracted to or love a student?One other thing he’s my ex’s campus mentor and they are good friends.We flirt a lot.

  11. karen says:
    Fri, 20th Apr 20124:26 pm 

    I made friends with my college proffesor. Gone out for erinks onece and twice dinner one lunch. Nothing sexual or romantic. Casual conversations. This week something click on me, and i knew he liked me cause he said it once, which i told him i dont try ti see him that way.

    Last night we went for wine, no dine, and i git drunk. I then decided i want to have him. So first with him, a,d confronted him about what he said about “alwas thinking about me. So he admited first. I play with his hands, amd we left. He had to go ack school tp finish some work 10pm. I wanted to have sex, and i knew he wont object. I was wearing a mni skirt with no panties. Yes i wanted the fantasy on my last class, and last semester. He drove me back to the school parking lot. I was inside his car. I was drunk, and i dont remember clear what i was saying but turned and kissed me. I went for it. Then he went to his office, and i went to restroom first. By the time i was out of bathroom. I was sooooo drunk i left. Never went up. I got actually pretty sick, since i dont usually drink. Today im pissed it didnt happened, cause i never went to his office.. i told a friend and she laughs cause she says im a fail prostutute lol. He texted me next day telling me he looked for me. I didnt want a relationship. Sonce he is married, but i never done nothing wreckles or expontaneus. Last night was one in a million and i blew it cause i glt too drunk. You can all laught, but kt sucks. I wanted all that nigjt at his office. He will never stay that late again. Inco.e tax

  12. karen says:
    Fri, 20th Apr 20124:33 pm 

    Ps. He invited me for a weekend conference, but iwont go. I dont want an affair that is lame. I wanted expontaneus, at his office, once. Yes, i wanted the memory, the conqued the experience. I dontvwant to become his mistress at some hotel. Oh well.

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