5 Reasons I’m Over Crazy Frat Parties

frat_party_time1.jpgTwo days into freshman year I went to my first frat party. Walking into the Greek lettered doors made me feel like I had just stepped onto a movie set. Everyone had red solo cups! Everyone was dancing and having oodles of fun! And Oh my god! Is that an ice-luge!? Yeah, best night of my life…until the cops came.

Regardless, for the next two years I lived and loved the open frat parties. I thought our love affair would never end…and then, this past weekend we broke up. Now, I still enjoy the small frat mixers but the crazy parties, have gotten…well, old. “Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?” You ask.

Well, here are my top five answers.

The abundance of scantily clad freshmen. Sure, I was once a freshman myself, and being away from home and being able to wear and do whatever you want is exciting, but eventually you will regret wearing a bandana-sized piece of cloth as a top.  And I’m all for sex and I’m all for dancing but do you really need to attempt both simultaneously on the dance floor in front of everyone? It seems these open parties contain about 80% girls and about 75% of those are freshmen girls. Trust me ladies, the body shot phrase will get old, and I’m over watching it.

One word: Keystone. Really guys, Keystone Light, at every party? Keystone has got to be one of the grossest, cheapest liquids ever created. Spring for something a few notches higher. I’m not saying I expect margaritas to be blended before my eyes (although that would be amazing) but there are better beverages out there than Keystone. PLEASE switch it up! Boxed wine would be an immense step up for just as much money! Get some class, guys.

Intense heat. Two-hundred dancing drunks leads to temperatures close to two-hundred degrees…thereby creating two-hundred sweating dancing drunks. It’s simple math really. Why can’t these guys get a fan or two? Or some AC? How about just opening a window? When the place starts to smell and everyone’s make up is melting I’m ready to peace (which ironically is around the time I walk in the door).

Bathroom lines. It seems like all frats have some kind of rule about having only two working toilets. Inevitably everyone has to pee at some drunken point and when the line winds up and down stairs I’m ready to pop a squat outside (the grass is also a lot cleaner). Standing in a line for an hour to use a dirty, smelly bathroom, isn’t my idea of a hot Saturday night.

Bouncers? Seriously? Lately it seems like frats have themselves confused with hoppin’ NYC night clubs. The lists, the tickets, the bouncers at the doors…Safety is great, but something tells me that these moves are more about persona than safety. Last weekend I actually had my school ID checked at the door, by a 40 year old bouncer. You guys are definitely not cool enough to need bodyguards and bouncers. Sorry, you aren’t Johnny Depp and this isn’t worth it anymore…

[What do you think about Frat parties?  The shiz, or just sh*tty?]



  1. ela says:

    the major plus of going to a 'city school' is that you replace the frat parties with super nice lounges and comfy pubs. yay.

  2. Laur says:

    As a Junior, I completely agree with all of the above. Plus, I'd much rather spend goodtimes with a group of close friends (drunk or sober, whatevs) than a bunch of sweaty strangers. Oh, and also, all things "Greek" have officially annoyed the crapppp out of me.

  3. LucyInTheSky says:

    Even as a Greek, by the time I was a junior and everyone turned 21, we graduated to the Greek bars, and only went to fraternity Late Nights or other more low-key events.

  4. heather says:

    ive never been to a frat party, nor do i intend, but god i have to agree – i hate keystone light.

  5. Theonlyboyaround says:

    Wow. This is quite different than the frat i grew accustomed to. One: People definitely don't dance…I can say I'm a little jealous,considering the most movement is throwing the ball for beer pong or finding a new lap to stumble into. Two:What is this Keystone? Everyone in missouri goes for the nati (natural light) or Dmitri.

  6. Johnny says:

    couple things,

    Guys pay for beer, every weekend for you girls, shut up, it's free to you.

    bouncers are to keep undercover cops out, so the frats don't get kicked off campus

    quit bitching, just stop going.

  7. Matt says:

    Yeah the "Bouncers" are to keep certain people out and get loud drunk people to leave because cops and noise violations aren't fun.

    And when you're buying 100 cases you're going to go for Natty/Keystone Light. But if you'd like to pay then I'm sure frats would be willing to upgrade.

    When we had a boxed wine mixer or "Tour de Franzia" everybody just got sleepy and not the fun kind of sleepy

  8. huh says:

    "I wish I could meet guys so douchey that they had to pay to make friends, like pay real money."

    "Wait, I've got it!"

  9. Koley says:

    Seriously… "huh" – you need to stop being a douchebag.

  10. Rad says:

    I agree with Johnny and Matt.

    Seriously, if you don't like *Fraternity* parties, then don't go. I agree that this article is your opinion, but no need to bash on parties and fraternities which 1) you aren't hosting, 2) completely free for people outside the fraternity, 3) you won't get into trouble for anything that happens.

    And in response to your answers:

    1. They are all in their first year of college. It's new, mysterious, different. Let them have fun while it lasts.

    2. You try buying beers for a couple hundred (sometimes a thousand depending on the size of the house) people. Brothers are paying out of pocket, even if case of better beer is a few bucks more, it adds up to a lot.

    3. Very, very, very few fraternity houses have that kind of AC system installed to cool down a room with hundreds of people. A normal, house AC won't work, so there is no point of wasting money on air conditioning. If we open windows, music gets outside, and a noise complaint gets filed from a neighbor. Which leads to us getting into trouble, paying a fine, and getting the party broken up.

    4. We're giving you free beer, a dance floor, and a place to have fun. Go piss outside if you don't like the bathrooms. It sucks, we know. But you try paying for a fraternity house. Money is again an issue. The number of bathrooms isn't a concern as long as there are enough for the brothers living inside the house.

    5. Johnny and Matt responded with what I was going to say.

    Sure, you could think I am a "Frat boy" but I can assure you only a small percentage of fraternities actually lead that stereotype (which by the way, I am sick of hearing of). Go hang out with the brothers and go see which ones are 'frat boys' and which ones are 'fraternity brothers'. I consider myself a Fraternity Brother and a member of the Greek community.

    Don't mean to lash out at you, but as you expressed your opinion, I had to express mine.

  11. Fratastic! says:

    The truth is that frat parties are not hoppin clubs, yes. Those exist for us fraternity brothers after we graduate, but for now we have the house and if you have a problem with our free beer, bathrooms, and environment then you should just not come. As a matter of fact, we don't want you there because you will just take away from all of the fun that we are having. Sometimes being too picky in life can lead to a lack of friends and fun experiences. I don't tolerate my girlfriend's constant bitching about the same things that you listed. I tell her to just go out somewhere with her girls to drink and have fun, but its ironic because then she complains that that is too expensive and asks me for money to do it. She is sweet, but DAMN so hard to please…just like the writer of this article I would imagine. Let the good times roll!

    After writing this, I am thinking that I am gonna dump my constantly complaining girlfriend and pick up one of the more attractive freshman girls that comes to our open parties and does not complain as much. The girlfriend I have now has been to too many frat parties and now looks like shit because of it…lol! I'm going for the more attractive freshman and dumping her ass.

    1. Fraturday says:

      HAHAHA i love how the "dump your girlfriend" was first mentioned and was built up through the whole response. Climaxes at the end with a final decision lol #TFM

    2. Henry Snow says:

      hahaha you are one fucking bro

  12. Robyn says:

    i understand all the points made by Rad, but dicks like fratastic are the reason i can never see myself going to a frat party. theres a huge difference between wanting a one night stand and making a girl think you like her with no intention of keeping her around

  13. Legit Balla says:

    Yeah how can you bitch about so many things at once? I'd like to see you throw a party like the fraternities do but you probably live in a dorm so you're gonna have to deal with things like keystone which is the most we're gonna pay when we undoubtedly will end up cleaning it with today's lunch off the floor later anyway.

    In reply to Robyn isn't that what a one night stand is exactly? You know they call it a one nighter for a reason and it's not the best strategy to try to get laid without showing some sort of attraction to a girl.

  14. John says:

    We book a lot of fraternity parties through a company called the entitled group and get celebrity musical artists through them so the parties aren’t as lame. But I know what you mean it’s gets old. Entitled Group throws these awesome parties and take care of every aspect for us so I don’t mind as much. The worst is when you plan a lame party. Entitled Group actually helped promote our party too go to their website if you guys are interested check out. http://www.entitledgroup.com

  15. Bryan says:

    Yo, you're just a newbie…SAE FTW!

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  17. Jim Beam says:

    ATO kids are fags

    SAMMIE your all jews

    ACACIA grow up, theres 400 of you, and you dont know half of your own brothers

    DTD put another lacrosse penny on toolbags

    SIG PI, PHI PSI, PI LAM, SAE, BETA SIG cool kids

  18. Frat Boy Slim says:

    I’ll take this item by item from the frat boy perspective:

    1.)I’ll be the first to admit open parties attract the freshmen girls, but they attract the freshmen class as a whole. Most freshmen (guys or girls) don’t have unlimited access to alcohol when they first arrive at their school, and that combined with allure of other freshmen, and a barrier between them and the police brings in the younger crowd, and logically so.

    2.)At least at my school no fraternity charges admission, and so your complaint about the FREE beer really flames me. That money doesn’t come from the school, or you, or your parents, or our national organization… It comes from the social dues we pay for no other reason than to entertain your ungrateful ass. Don’t like the beer? be sober next party, or better yet, bring your own.

    3.)In the same line of thinking as my previous statement, where would the money come from to install an AC capable of keeping up with 200+ drunkin dancers? Or to maintain it? Or to pay for its energy use? Your argument to the window also seems great on paper, but cops can legally enter an establishment if music (like that which is found at all parties) can be heard at a given distance, 50-100ft maybe? We actually cover and insulate our windows to prevent this.

    4.)Its not a night club, it’s a house, its not going to have 50 stalls and 25 sinks. Learn to hold it.

    5.)My school and many of our other chapters are legally REQUIRED to have a licensed bouncer and now a bar tender with a tending license in the local area. The fines for not having either are beyond unreasonable and most of the time is just a sanction from the school and an alcohol ban for a given period, typically a year for your first offense. Also if let’s say someone can’t hold their liquor and is rushed to the hospital and found to be from a different school, we are in DEEP shit for not verifying where they came from. If the same happens to an enrolled student the penalty is significantly less. I’ll let you just imagine what would happen if a person were hospitalized and under 18. So bring your ID, and complain about something else.

    Call it a persona if you wish, call it whatever you want, I really don’t give a fuck. But please keep in mind the monumental risks we take to give you a place to drink, at zero cost or risk to you. A thank you once in a while would be just swell!

  19. Andrew says:

    You have obviously never tried to throw a frat party. As a senior that joined a fraternity 3 weeks into freshman year, I myself am over the huge frat parties myself. I agree I'm tired of stupid freshmen, the heat is insane no matter how many fans/open windows/ac units there are, and our bathrooms are disgusting.

    But you try buying beer for a party with 250-400 people and I guarantee your cheap ass isn't getting anything more expensive than keystone. Girls don't pay for anything. It's a fact. We are on a budget. You get keystone.

    Bouncers are good for a school like me that's surrounded by the ghetto. I'm not a racist, but in the past we've thrown parties and had all kinds of theft and assault caused by outsiders. In one month there were 3 fights with people who didn't go to our school. We're there to have fun, not regulate, so yes we hire bouncers that carry tasers. Sometimes watching someone get electrocuted is the best part of the party.

  20. Frat Boy Slim says:

    Ali, care to comment?

  21. Frattitude says:

    Dead-on list.

  22. Bob says:

    I don't drink and I don't like crazy parties. I much prefer something smaller. You ask "“Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?”" and my answer: almost anything. I don't plan on ever going to a frat party unless it's like some calm(ish) semi-nerdy guy fraternity that's actually under control and has some fellow sober people at it.

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  25. burnaccount says:

    As someone who has helped set up college parties, here is what I have to say:

    1) The beer: Yeah, the normal fare of Natty Ice, Keystone Lite, Genosee or similar crap is pretty bad, but they do have a budget. Fact is that if you have 300-400 kids drinking it, only half of which are paying (Guys normally pay 2-5 dollars at my school and drink 5-6 beers), you are not going to be able to get Bud Light for everyone. When we plan a party it is a simple math equation: Expected # of attendees*4, then buy about that much beer. That is expensive.

    2) ID checking at the door: I haven't heard of hiring bouncers, but normally at my school the host always has some half-drunk brother or friend checking ids. Not only is it worse if you are caught giving alcohol to a bunch of snotty local 14-15 year olds, it really doesn't help the atmosphere of the party. Furthermore, it is a safety issue. Fairly recently at a party that is well known to never check id, some local idiot came in trying to sell Mali and started a shootout with another local. A shoot-out, otherwise known as two people pulling guns.

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  28. sayeh says:

    Honestly, house parties are so much better. Even for guys, the quality of people there (and hence the hookups) and the alcohol and the hosts is head-and-shoulders above the frats. Yes you can never go wrong with walking down frat row at 11 but after the first or second week, the frosh get wise and listen to their elder peers.

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