5 Reasons I’m Over Crazy Frat Parties

Two days into freshman year I went to my first frat party. Walking into the Greek lettered doors made me feel like I had just stepped onto a movie set. Everyone had red solo cups! Everyone was dancing and having oodles of fun! And Oh my god! Is that an ice-luge!? Yeah, best night of my life…until the cops came.

Regardless, for the next two years I lived and loved the open frat parties. I thought our love affair would never end…and then, this past weekend we broke up. Now, I still enjoy the small frat mixers but the crazy parties, have gotten…well, old. “Why? What could be better than living in an animal house world?” You ask.

Well, here are my top five answers.

The abundance of scantily clad freshmen. Sure, I was once a freshman myself, and being away from home and being able to wear and do whatever you want is exciting, but eventually you will regret wearing a bandana-sized piece of cloth as a top. And I’m all for sex and I’m all for dancing but do you really need to attempt both simultaneously on the dance floor in front of everyone? It seems these open parties contain about 80% girls and about 75% of those are freshmen girls. Trust me ladies, the body shot phrase will get old, and I’m over watching it.

One word: Keystone. Really guys, Keystone Light, at every party? Keystone has got to be one of the grossest, cheapest liquids ever created. Spring for something a few notches higher. I’m not saying I expect margaritas to be blended before my eyes (although that would be amazing) but there are better beverages out there than Keystone. PLEASE switch it up! Boxed wine would be an immense step up for just as much money! Get some class, guys.

Intense heat. Two-hundred dancing drunks leads to temperatures close to two-hundred degrees…thereby creating two-hundred sweating dancing drunks. It’s simple math really. Why can’t these guys get a fan or two? Or some AC? How about just opening a window? When the place starts to smell and everyone’s make up is melting I’m ready to peace (which ironically is around the time I walk in the door).

Bathroom lines. It seems like all frats have some kind of rule about having only two working toilets. Inevitably everyone has to pee at some drunken point and when the line winds up and down stairs I’m ready to pop a squat outside (the grass is also a lot cleaner). Standing in a line for an hour to use a dirty, smelly bathroom, isn’t my idea of a hot Saturday night.

Bouncers? Seriously? Lately it seems like frats have themselves confused with hoppin’ NYC night clubs. The lists, the tickets, the bouncers at the doors…Safety is great, but something tells me that these moves are more about persona than safety. Last weekend I actually had my school ID checked at the door, by a 40 year old bouncer. You guys are definitely not cool enough to need bodyguards and bouncers. Sorry, you aren’t Johnny Depp and this isn’t worth it anymore…

[What do you think about Frat parties? The shiz, or just sh*tty?]

ela says:
Sat, 6th Sep 20085:00 pm

the major plus of going to a ‘city school’ is that you replace the frat parties with super nice lounges and comfy pubs. yay.

Laur says:
Sun, 7th Sep 200812:38 am

As a Junior, I completely agree with all of the above. Plus, I’d much rather spend goodtimes with a group of close friends (drunk or sober, whatevs) than a bunch of sweaty strangers. Oh, and also, all things “Greek” have officially annoyed the crapppp out of me.

LucyInTheSky says:
Sun, 7th Sep 20082:39 am

Even as a Greek, by the time I was a junior and everyone turned 21, we graduated to the Greek bars, and only went to fraternity Late Nights or other more low-key events.

heather says:
Sun, 7th Sep 20082:50 am

ive never been to a frat party, nor do i intend, but god i have to agree – i hate keystone light.

Theonlyboyaround says:
Sun, 7th Sep 20081:42 pm

Wow. This is quite different than the frat i grew accustomed to. One: People definitely don’t dance…I can say I’m a little jealous,considering the most movement is throwing the ball for beer pong or finding a new lap to stumble into. Two:What is this Keystone? Everyone in missouri goes for the nati (natural light) or Dmitri.

Johnny says:
Mon, 8th Sep 20089:59 am

couple things,

Guys pay for beer, every weekend for you girls, shut up, it’s free to you.

bouncers are to keep undercover cops out, so the frats don’t get kicked off campus

quit bitching, just stop going.

Matt says:
Tue, 9th Sep 200811:58 am

Yeah the “Bouncers” are to keep certain people out and get loud drunk people to leave because cops and noise violations aren’t fun.

And when you’re buying 100 cases you’re going to go for Natty/Keystone Light. But if you’d like to pay then I’m sure frats would be willing to upgrade.

When we had a boxed wine mixer or “Tour de Franzia” everybody just got sleepy and not the fun kind of sleepy

huh says:
Wed, 10th Sep 20084:37 pm

“I wish I could meet guys so douchey that they had to pay to make friends, like pay real money.”

“Wait, I’ve got it!”

Koley says:
Wed, 10th Sep 200810:56 pm

Seriously… “huh” – you need to stop being a douchebag.

Rad says:
Sun, 5th Oct 20089:28 pm

I agree with Johnny and Matt.

Seriously, if you don’t like *Fraternity* parties, then don’t go. I agree that this article is your opinion, but no need to bash on parties and fraternities which 1) you aren’t hosting, 2) completely free for people outside the fraternity, 3) you won’t get into trouble for anything that happens.

And in response to your answers:

1. They are all in their first year of college. It’s new, mysterious, different. Let them have fun while it lasts.

2. You try buying beers for a couple hundred (sometimes a thousand depending on the size of the house) people. Brothers are paying out of pocket, even if case of better beer is a few bucks more, it adds up to a lot.

3. Very, very, very few fraternity houses have that kind of AC system installed to cool down a room with hundreds of people. A normal, house AC won’t work, so there is no point of wasting money on air conditioning. If we open windows, music gets outside, and a noise complaint gets filed from a neighbor. Which leads to us getting into trouble, paying a fine, and getting the party broken up.

4. We’re giving you free beer, a dance floor, and a place to have fun. Go piss outside if you don’t like the bathrooms. It sucks, we know. But you try paying for a fraternity house. Money is again an issue. The number of bathrooms isn’t a concern as long as there are enough for the brothers living inside the house.

5. Johnny and Matt responded with what I was going to say.

Sure, you could think I am a “Frat boy” but I can assure you only a small percentage of fraternities actually lead that stereotype (which by the way, I am sick of hearing of). Go hang out with the brothers and go see which ones are ‘frat boys’ and which ones are ‘fraternity brothers’. I consider myself a Fraternity Brother and a member of the Greek community.

Don’t mean to lash out at you, but as you expressed your opinion, I had to express mine.

Fratastic! says:
Thu, 9th Oct 20082:24 am

The truth is that frat parties are not hoppin clubs, yes. Those exist for us fraternity brothers after we graduate, but for now we have the house and if you have a problem with our free beer, bathrooms, and environment then you should just not come. As a matter of fact, we don’t want you there because you will just take away from all of the fun that we are having. Sometimes being too picky in life can lead to a lack of friends and fun experiences. I don’t tolerate my girlfriend’s constant bitching about the same things that you listed. I tell her to just go out somewhere with her girls to drink and have fun, but its ironic because then she complains that that is too expensive and asks me for money to do it. She is sweet, but DAMN so hard to please…just like the writer of this article I would imagine. Let the good times roll!

After writing this, I am thinking that I am gonna dump my constantly complaining girlfriend and pick up one of the more attractive freshman girls that comes to our open parties and does not complain as much. The girlfriend I have now has been to too many frat parties and now looks like shit because of it…lol! I’m going for the more attractive freshman and dumping her ass.

Robyn says:
Mon, 3rd Nov 200812:08 am

i understand all the points made by Rad, but dicks like fratastic are the reason i can never see myself going to a frat party. theres a huge difference between wanting a one night stand and making a girl think you like her with no intention of keeping her around

Legit Balla says:
Thu, 22nd Jan 20099:23 am

Yeah how can you bitch about so many things at once? I’d like to see you throw a party like the fraternities do but you probably live in a dorm so you’re gonna have to deal with things like keystone which is the most we’re gonna pay when we undoubtedly will end up cleaning it with today’s lunch off the floor later anyway.

In reply to Robyn isn’t that what a one night stand is exactly? You know they call it a one nighter for a reason and it’s not the best strategy to try to get laid without showing some sort of attraction to a girl.

John says:
Thu, 26th Mar 20095:48 pm

We book a lot of fraternity parties through a company called the entitled group and get celebrity musical artists through them so the parties aren’t as lame. But I know what you mean it’s gets old. Entitled Group throws these awesome parties and take care of every aspect for us so I don’t mind as much. The worst is when you plan a lame party. Entitled Group actually helped promote our party too go to their website if you guys are interested check out. http://www.entitledgroup.com

Bryan says:
Mon, 31st Aug 20095:21 pm

Yo, you’re just a newbie…SAE FTW!

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16 Comments		Posted in HaHa, back to school
		Tags: animal house, back to school, body shot, bouncers, boxed wine, frat party, freshman year, freshmen, greek, johnny depp, keystone, nyc, partying, saturday night, scantily clad, solo cups

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