Confessions of a College Mommy

September 9, 2008     Posted in Reality

baby_legs.jpgIt was down to the wire in the semester. Classes were coming to an end and everything was suddenly due. I stared at the computer trying to concentrate on the assignment at hand (one of what seemed like a million) but it wasn’t happening. I was usually pretty good about these things; I was always so on top of everything.


By Donyae

Although the fact that I was hours away from giving birth to my second child could have explained a few things.

That could have been it.

Hello, I’m Donyae. I’m 24 years old. I’m in college. And I’m a mom. This . . . makes things a little different. I haven’t always been a mom in college. I’m not one of those “went to school after they had their baby to give them a better life” cases. I was already in school. And then, bam!, one of those little suckers slipped past the goalie. Instant life-changing event. Less instantaneous then a car crash but somehow more life altering, because once that little person is inside of you it’s not all about you anymore.

And I was fine with that. I accepted my responsibility and made it my goal to finish school and finish it well.

But, once that baby pops out people look at you like you’re some sort of college leper.

There’s no way you can possibly achieve your dreams and still be a good mom.

You’ve made a mistake now live with it.

Baby = the end of the road for you.

Kick ass magazine job in NYC? No. Foreign ambassador? Absolutely not. Start flipping burgers – you got a baby to feed.

(And that’s why I breast feed; because it’s free…and you can do it while typing.)

For me becoming a mom was about not giving up. Sure I can no longer run the streets and stay up all night cramming – I just don’t have the energy – but I’m still fun and fabulous. I’m still awesome and brilliant and all the other random stuff I was before. I don’t want to say that getting pregnant forced me to grow up, because that’s cliché and stupid (and not really that true anyway). I was just as grown up before; I just have better time management skills now. And I can budget my cute little butt off!

I didn’t shut down my world. I actually made a point to expand it. I travel more, I keep in closer contact with my friends, don’t let things with school get overwhelming. I’m more open with my situation (not just the babies; I mean getting sick, backed up with work, whatever) than I was in the past. Before I was more apt to keep it all to myself and let everything get out of hand. Now I just try to be open and up front about things with people and approach everything with an open mind.

Despite all the stares and naysayers I keep on keeping on: with school, with life, with everything. Having a baby does change things – I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. I would be lying if I tried to say that life was just a walk in a park after kids. It’s not. It’s hard sometimes and things are different but it’s all for the greater good. Sure it’s a little more difficult, but you learn to do what you have to do to make it work.

3 am feedings? That’s time to plan out next week’s term paper.

Effects of language in young toddlers? I have test subjects.

Being a mom in college isn’t about some great struggle against society. I think I’m awesome and my kids are awesome and that’s the way things are. Yes I’m a mom but at the end of the day, I’m still me.

18 Comments on "Confessions of a College Mommy"

  1. Sarah says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 200812:28 pm 

    Rovelyn always posts the meanest comments!

  2. Kay says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 200812:50 pm 

    Maybe you should have thought about how awful that would sound before you posted it.

  3. Stephanie says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20081:09 pm 

    Actually she's not complaining.

  4. J - NYU says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20081:44 pm 

    I'm so glad you wrote about this. Uneducated idiots aside…it's safe to say you're an inspiration. :)

  5. Mollie says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20083:03 pm 

    I wouldn't go so far as to say she is an inspiration. No one should be inspired to have a baby while in college. Rather, I commend her for keeping herself together as a college student and as a mom.

  6. Stephanie says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20084:01 pm 

    What's the big deal about someone having a baby in college?

    I mean as long as they are adults that can support themselves and the child..why is it anyone's business?

  7. Audrey says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20085:07 pm 

    I’m 24 & in college with a 1 and 2 year old. It definitely makes for a different college experience!! I honestly think being a mom has made me a better student. Partially because I refuse to be the dumb girl that got herself pregnant (twice, yeesh) and dropped out of school.

    And I totally agree on the breastfeeding. Multitasking while getting some relaxing hormones- hell yeah. :)

  8. Rovelyn says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20085:18 pm 

    You should have gotten an abortion instead of complaining.

  9. Kari - Florida State says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20085:37 pm 

    Back in the day women were expected to have babies by our age. More power to Donyae and more power to every woman who multitasks (especially when kids are involved!)

  10. Heather says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20085:37 pm 

    i think that what molly meant was that even though this author pulled it together fabulously, for every one of her theres a ton that dont. the author even mentioned other girls dropping out, along with those comments.

    i commend the author also though for holding everything together. i dont even have a child, and i feel like college is killing me sometimes.

  11. leebee says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20085:40 pm 

    I always have wondered about having a child while going to university. I'm presently in my final year and for the past year I've been seriously considering having a child with my bf. What has stopped me has been the worries about how to balance a child with school.

    Thanks so much for writing the post and showing that it CAN be done.

    Keep pushing for that degree! :)

  12. Amber - Old Dominion says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20086:15 pm 

    Having a kid and being in college is SO HARD, so kudos to you Donyae for not giving up.

    ALL THREE of my best friends got pregnant right after graduating high school, but only two decided to keep their kids and only one of the "mothers" is in school. No offense to any teen moms, but watching my friends struggle with motherhood/school/money/ having a social life makes me want to wait on having kids for a long time.

    And Rovelyn, having an abortion isn't just a quick fix; that's a very tough thing to do and something that stays with you forever.

  13. Laura says:
    Tue, 9th Sep 20087:02 pm 

    As others said, if you are in college (most likely) you are an adult, and hopefully a mature adult. I know many a woman with children in college, and they ARE inspirations. Who cares if saying that could drive some girls to go pop out babies in school, they ARE adults, and if they so make that choice, and it messes them up more, that's an issue they should have thought of.

    I commend you for writing about this. As a college student without any children, I can say you probably have way better time management skills than me. I still have procrastination issues, and many people in my classes are balancing full time work, a family, and full time school with more ease than me and just college alone. Even if having a child forces a person out of school, it's never too late to go back… some schools even provide scholarships for non-traditional students, and having different students in my classes make them that much more fun and interesting. The less drunken, hung-over, not-wanting-to-be-there just out of high school students there are, the more time that is devoted to a deeper level of learning.

  14. Mollie says:
    Wed, 10th Sep 20083:26 pm 

    Heather, you have my comment exactly right.

    College is hard and complicated enough without having to deal with a baby. Yes, it is great Donyae has been able to keep it together, but most women aren't as able to.

    Leebee, if you are in your last year, worry about finishing not having a baby. Why have the baby now? You have plenty of time to have a baby.

  15. Zaneayah says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 20083:39 pm 

    Donyae kudos to you! I am 23 years with a 2 year old, managing my company and in my last year in school. Is it hard? yeck yeah! but I am proud of myself and all the mothers who did not give up on themselves and their future. Having a child is not a burden its a little you that depends on you and loves you no matter what. That little person even if they cannot express it you is your number one supporter and main inspiration.

    Rovelyn did your mom not teach you "if you have nothing nice to say to keep your mouth shut?" in this case keep your comments to yourself. She is not complaining you idiot! maybe you concentrate on understanding what you read before posting a comment you retard!.

    Good luck Donyae and remember "the best revenge is success!"

  16. Sandy says:
    Thu, 18th Dec 20088:19 am 

    I'm 27 and I'm also a mom in college. I've been searching the net for blogs forever hoping to find someone just like me.

    I love my children, but it's hard explaining to anyone why I'm still going to school and wanting to do more for MYSELF as well as my family. My life's complicated enough so I don't bother telling anyone anything. As my BFF says…I just do me!

  17. yep says:
    Sun, 26th Jul 20099:28 am 

    mollie, j obviously didn't mean this story will inspire people to get pregnant in college. she means it might be able to inspire those who end up pregnant in college to push through…

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