The Hills: No One Really Went to Jail

Looks like the joke’s on us, ladies. We were all tossing and turning last night worried about the fate of our dear Brody and Doug in jail, only to learn that they were not arrested.

They were in CASINO jail pressing charges against someone for pussy punching Doug and dumping a bloody mary on Brody. MTV, I hate you.

The real drama of the episode had nothing to do with jail at all. It had to do with Audrina, runny mascara and Spencer officially going down as the biggest jerk of all time.

Let’s begin with Spencer (because I can’t hold it in anymore). I would just like to ask – again – if anyone else remembers that time when Spencer was down and out over his breakup with Barbie and he turned to his sister for help. He did not clean up after himself. He never really left the couch. So now he has Heidi’s sis on his couch (or in his “office,” as he refers to it) for 48 hours and he won’t stop crying about it.

Maybe if he got a freaking job he wouldn’t have to spend all day with her. There is more to do in life than play video games and whine about your TiVo. We all know Spencer and Heidi don’t break up over this (because they are fame whores who can’t stay out of the mags), but I still find myself hoping that maybe Heidi will wake up, realize her bf has flesh colored facial hair and move the eff on.

Now onto the main show: Mascara Event 2008. Starring Lauren Conrad as the selfish friend who can’t take criticism and Audrina Partridge as the brooding outsider who just doesn’t feel accepted. Special guest appearances by: Lo Bosworth as the bitch who is driving everyone apart, and Justin Bobby as the stoned dude who just wants Audrina to surround herself with good energy.

This little showdown has been brewing for months – or ever since Lo came into the picture – and just like every fight I’ve ever had with my friends, it got way too big before the confrontation went down. Mistakes were discussed, loyalty was tossed around (“I go to those shows awkwardly bobbing my head for you!”) and, finally, the tears were a flowin’.

“All I want is to keep the past in the past,” Lauren said. And maybe some waterproof mascara? No? Watch the episode…you may change your mind.

Anyways, after yelling and fighting and crying….the girls make up. I really do hope they can stay friends, but I just don’t see that happning with evil Lo around. She seems to push all of LC’s friends away so she can keep her all to herself. Maybe she thinks she can double her salary if another friend is left in the dust?

Who knows. All I know is I want someone (Spencer) to go to jail (be beaten up) for real before the season ends.

P.S. Did anyone else see Lo on Facebook during the ep? Amazing.

[Photo courtesy of MTV.com]