The Best Friend, The Douchebag, and You

Whenever I meet a good friend’s boyfriend, I try really hard to like the guy and get to know him. I mean if he makes her so happy, I have to give him a fair shot, right? But some of the guys my friends have chosen were, well, complete a**holes and no matter how hard I tried I grew to seriously dislike these dudes.

By S.E.

And kinda sorta wanna punch them.

So what’s a girl to do when her friend is dating a douche? From my experiences, I’ve found a few ways to handle this situation.

Talk to your friend. If you think your friend’s boyfriend is treating her badly, then speak up! Calmly explain why you think her boyfriend isn’t treating her well and state a specific example. This way, if your friend asks why you think her guy is treating her badly you’ll have a legit reason and won’t look like you’re just randomly dissing on him.

My best friend’s first boyfriend would constantly lie to her about other girls and where he had been. I talked to my friend about this and told her I didn’t think he was treating her well. I reminded her of specific events where she had caught him in a lie and other times when he had just been plain rude.

Pro: You’ll finally be able to talk openly with your friend about her guy and let her know how you really feel.

Con: If taken the wrong way, you two could end up in a fight because she might think you’re attacking her guy to make them break up.

Ignore the a**hole, but be civil. As much as you might want to strangle the guy, it pays to be civil and ignore his actions. After all, your friend is dating him, not you. You don’t have to constantly give him the silent treatment but try to avoid spending a lot of time with him. Ask your friend to hang out with you sometimes sans boyfriend. That way, you won’t have to face him and you can still stay close with your friend. And while you don’t have to go out of your way and become chummy with your friend’s man, at least be polite when the two of you speak.

Pro: You and the boyfriend won’t get into a fight, thus never making your friend choose sides.

Con: Your feelings of dislike for the guy may become bottled up causing you to accidently lash out at someone.

Don’t hang out with the two of them as often. As much as this option sucks, it has gotten to this point with some of my friends. You’ve tried talking to her and ignoring her boyfriend, but you can’t stand to be around him anymore. Try hanging out with your other friends more while still maintaining good contact (via email/phone/IM) with your friend. With this, you can try to keep the friendship without actually having to be around the happy couple and causing problems with her boyfriend. One of my good friends has been with her jerk boyfriend for a few years and while I hate being around him, I still keep in touch with her. Sure, the relationship is different, but it is something.

Pro: You won’t have to face the douchebag or watch him treat your friend horribly.

Con: You risk losing touch with your friend.

Deal with it. This might be the hardest piece of advice to actually do. You so badly want to make a nasty comment to your friend about her boyfriend, but it may be better to keep your mouth and just deal with it. Your friend can make her own decisions about who she dates and if the guy is really a douche, his true colors will come out eventually.

Pro: You won’t end up looking like the bad guy for being a bitch to her boyfriend.

Con: You have to sit around and wait for the end…with your mouth shut.

Whichever option you choose, don’t forget that she is your friend no matter who she chooses. Yes, even if it’s a Spencer Pratt 2.0.

[Photo courtesy of toxicblogs.blogspot.com]